DMVeep Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Last night, I probably experienced the most unusual dating scenario of my life. I have been dating this woman for the past three weeks. The plan for the night was to go see a cover band which a few of my friends play in, this was to be our sixth date. She came over to hang out for a little while before the show. we made out a little when she got there. Then, she asked me how I felt about her? I stated that I like her and enjoyed hanging out with her. She then told me that she found me attractive and was having fun hanging out with me, but she wasn't feeling a strong connection. She said she felt confused and wondered if we should continue seeing each other or if it would be a waste of time. She also stated that she wasn't sure if a connection would develop later on. She said it didn't feel the same as her first love, which was about 6-7 years ago. Normally, I would take this as a breaking point. However, it was obvious she felt conflicted about the matter. I ended up laughing because I was so flustered. I asked her where do we go from here, and there really wasn't an answer. I also asked her if she wanted a friends with benefits situation, which as no surprise she did not. I offered her a beer at that point. We each had a beer and ended laughing and having a good time for another hour. We ended up making out again. She ended up going home with things still feeling uncertain, but I thought this was the last I would see of her. I ended up going to the show without her, telling my friends what happened, and getting totally smashed. Today, I get a text from her saying she had a great time despite the awkwardness the previous night and asked me how the concert went. I told her I was super hungover. She offered to bring some hangover home remedies. She comes over and hangs out, we make out again, take a snuggly nap together, and she leaves a few hours later. I have no clue what the hell is going on at this point. I like this girl, we have fun together, and there is a ridiculous sexual tension(although we haven't had sex). I don't know what do to. I'm curious to see what will happen, but I don't really want to waste my time. I was thinking about continuing to see her but also date other women on the side until she makes up her mind or we start having sex. Does that seem reasonable? I have a date setup with another woman on Tuesday that was scheduled two weeks ago since she was gone on a business trip. Would it be wrong to go out with this other woman at this point?
grays Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Sounds to me like shes finding a connection. 2
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Sounds to me she wants romance . lol Seriously tho she's lookin for you to really step up to the plate and show her how much you value her. Go out with the other woman on that date....she might be less maintenance. Edited February 27, 2017 by smackie9 4
Author DMVeep Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 Sounds to me she wants romance . lol Seriously tho she's lookin for you to really step up to the plate and show her how much you value her. Do you have any suggestions? she actually doesn't seem high maintenance at all. I feel happy when I'm with her,which is how I usually gauge things on my end.
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 She wants to be romanced, feel desired, special....if you don't understand how to do that I can't help you. 3
Author DMVeep Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 Sounds to me like shes finding a connection. I feel weird now and don't know what to do. Should I continue to communicate and hope for the best or cut my losses? Could she just be overthinking?
Miss Spider Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 When someone you're dating asks how you feel about them, they're usually feeling a little unsure of your interest. That's probably what she means by connection. Nevermind what she wants, I can't seem to figure out what you want? 3
KBob Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Sounds like she's feeling you out to see how you feel about her. Your response to her question was a little vague and generic, it could sound lukewarm. If you are into her, maybe try explaining to her what you like about her and where you see it going, ie you like bringing her around with your friends and involving her in your life.
Author DMVeep Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 When someone you're dating asks how you feel about them, they're usually feeling a little unsure of your interest. That's probably what she means by connection. Nevermind what she wants, I can't seem to figure out what you want? I think she meant more of a "chemistry" thing. She seemed a little intimidated by meeting my friends. I actually really like her a lot given we've only known each other a short period of time. I maybe was a little generic but I was thrown off guard by the question. Do you think I should revisit the topic and try to be more direct? 1
Miss Spider Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I would not touch th subject again for awhile. She already knows your dating goal, right? She doesn't want to be FWB so the only alternative that leaves is to casually date and see it grows until something more. Someone who does not have any interest at all does not ask someone "how do you feel about me"or being remedies,make out, and snuggle. I'm speaking as a woman who has a hard time feeling chemistry/connection with a man because it felt like he wasn't letting me. I was attracted to him and had a enjoyed time with him and felt potential, but something was "off".,You're arranging a date with another woman. Go on that and if she wants to continue to see you and you want to continue seeing her that's fine, but you mind end up hitting it off with the other more.
Author DMVeep Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 I'm speaking as a woman who has a hard time feeling chemistry/connection with a man because it felt like he wasn't letting me. I was attracted to him and had a enjoyed time with him and felt potential, but something was "off".. Could you explain this more? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I do feel like I am somewhat shy when I first meet someone new. I also have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor which has been a little challenging to express since English is a second language for her. I do feel at times I've held back a bit to avoid communication mishaps. I feel like when I just act myself things usually go better, but it's not always easy to do that around someone new. I feel a bit weird going out with someone else at this point but I feel like I should.
KBarletta Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Could you explain this more? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I do feel like I am somewhat shy when I first meet someone new. I also have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor which has been a little challenging to express since English is a second language for her. I do feel at times I've held back a bit to avoid communication mishaps. I feel like when I just act myself things usually go better, but it's not always easy to do that around someone new. I feel a bit weird going out with someone else at this point but I feel like I should. You two aren't exclusive yet, so I don't see any problem going out with someone new. But I don't think you should give up on the first woman just yet. It sounds like you have the chance to make a connection. Not everyone has that lighting-bolt immediate connection, and sometimes it just takes longer to discover how compatible you are with another person. As someone who is in a similar boat, I think it depends on how much you really like this girl. If you like her enough to stick it out, do so. If not, then I'd say see how things with the new woman go and then maybe decide what to do then. But I'd say don't do anything rash. There's nothing here to indicate that you should just break it off, IMO. Just my $0.02. KTB
Author DMVeep Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 You two aren't exclusive yet, so I don't see any problem going out with someone new. But I don't think you should give up on the first woman just yet. It sounds like you have the chance to make a connection. Not everyone has that lighting-bolt immediate connection, and sometimes it just takes longer to discover how compatible you are with another person. As someone who is in a similar boat, I think it depends on how much you really like this girl. If you like her enough to stick it out, do so. If not, then I'd say see how things with the new woman go and then maybe decide what to do then. But I'd say don't do anything rash. There's nothing here to indicate that you should just break it off, IMO. Just my $0.02. KTB I talked this situation over with several of my women friends. They all told me this sounded like some "crazy women ****." They didn't think I did anything wrong, that this was all a result of her overthinking the stuff. They thought her quickly trying to resolve the matter indicated she realized she had made a mistake. I feel like this situation took some of the wind out of my sails. Every indicator from our dates would point to things going great, except the words she muttered. Her body language and actions just don't seem consistent with an uninterested party. I'm kind of angry at this point for her throwing an unneeded wrench in the road when things were going smoothly. She had me very interested, now she's making me doubtful. Why try to sabotage things after 6 dates? Why do women do this stuff?
joseb Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Personally I would drop her unless you were just enjoying some great sex and didn't mind that it didn't go anywhere. Given she wasn't up for fwb im guessing that's not the case?
phineas Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 I talked this situation over with several of my women friends. They all told me this sounded like some "crazy women ****." They didn't think I did anything wrong, that this was all a result of her overthinking the stuff. They thought her quickly trying to resolve the matter indicated she realized she had made a mistake. I feel like this situation took some of the wind out of my sails. Every indicator from our dates would point to things going great, except the words she muttered. Her body language and actions just don't seem consistent with an uninterested party. I'm kind of angry at this point for her throwing an unneeded wrench in the road when things were going smoothly. She had me very interested, now she's making me doubtful. Why try to sabotage things after 6 dates? Why do women do this stuff? 6 dates, no sex? Go out with the other woman.
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Personally I would drop her unless you were just enjoying some great sex and didn't mind that it didn't go anywhere. Given she wasn't up for fwb im guessing that's not the case? This is bull**** I'm guessing, crazy freaking bull****.
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Personally I would drop her unless you were just enjoying some great sex and didn't mind that it didn't go anywhere. Given she wasn't up for fwb im guessing that's not the case? I feel like this situation has bull**** written all over it. I don't see a way out. Would you expect sex at this point? She hasn't even touched my dick.
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 You can date anyone you want too. You are not really dating this women yet to the point you feel anything for her. I say date others until you see what you can have with this women. She's up in air with you. You didn't take her with you to meet with your friends and that's a bit odd she text you to say she had a nice time with you. Never ask her where you stand with her because again sign of weakness your the leader than her. Odd sounds like she's still damage from the prior relationship she had, most women like her get this way. They can't adjust themselves to a newer guy like you. Date other women until you find someone you can click with (being on the same page with them).
Author DMVeep Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 You can date anyone you want too. You are not really dating this women yet to the point you feel anything for her. I say date others until you see what you can have with this women. She's up in air with you. You didn't take her with you to meet with your friends and that's a bit odd she text you to say she had a nice time with you. Never ask her where you stand with her because again sign of weakness your the leader than her. Odd sounds like she's still damage from the prior relationship she had, most women like her get this way. They can't adjust themselves to a newer guy like you. Date other women until you find someone you can click with (being on the same page with them). I feel like this behavior seems really odd. I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's difficult for me to imagine seeing this woman again without getting more of an explanation for the disconnect between her actions and words.im assertive and don't avoid confrontation, especially if something bothers me.
coolheadal Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I feel like this behavior seems really odd. I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's difficult for me to imagine seeing this woman again without getting more of an explanation for the disconnect between her actions and words.im assertive and don't avoid confrontation, especially if something bothers me. Do not let her manipulate you in any form and don't show her any kind of weakness on your part. Stand bold your a doctor you save lives be confident in dating also. There are to many of these sort of women out there and the good ones are taken because they're not available. Mental unstable behavioral disorder you know about this your a doctor. What do you do to treat his as you should know then act on it if the date has this issue. Most men get out because life is complex already to make it more complicated on them. You move on to the next women. Treat them like a patient if you have to gain the confidence in dating like you do as a doctor. Go take the lead as Alpha male, don't let your guard down or start being beta male who let woman walk around them. Lead them and don't let them lead you!
todreaminblue Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I think she meant more of a "chemistry" thing. She seemed a little intimidated by meeting my friends. I actually really like her a lot given we've only known each other a short period of time. I maybe was a little generic but I was thrown off guard by the question. Do you think I should revisit the topic and try to be more direct? being direct is so much easier than beating around the bush...less time consuming and refreshing...tell her what you really feel...and be open she probably will feel comfortable enough then to do exactly the same thing back..because honesty strengthens connections if the connection is there to start with.....deb.
elaine567 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I was thinking about continuing to see her but also date other women on the side until she makes up her mind or we start having sex. Does that seem reasonable? I have a date setup with another woman on Tuesday that was scheduled two weeks ago since she was gone on a business trip. Would it be wrong to go out with this other woman at this point? Reasonable if you were dating a US girl, but as this girl is Spanish from Spain and multi-dating is not usual in Europe, I guess she will not be too pleased to find out you are "cheating" on her. I think she is probably used to men who chase, so she wants to see more definite interest from you, so she is giving you a chance. I think there is may be a cultural disconnect here.
Miss Peach Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Reasonable if you were dating a US girl, but as this girl is Spanish from Spain and multi-dating is not usual in Europe, I guess she will not be too pleased to find out you are "cheating" on her. I think she is probably used to men who chase, so she wants to see more definite interest from you, so she is giving you a chance. I think there is may be a cultural disconnect here. I was wondering this too. When I visited Spain I found the men very aggressive. It may be confusing her - especially if she's not used to US dating customs. 1
phineas Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 She hasn't even touched my dick. You gotta pull it out when making out with her. after you get her boobs out. Have you even tried to sleep with her? Maybe this is her issue?
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I get the feeling she is wondering how you feel about her - whether you are treating this as a casual fun thing that won't go anywhere or seeing if feelings grow between you. Your suggestion of being FWB will not have reassured her on that front, but I can understand you were feeling a bit shaken by her comments about not feeling a connection. I think she's still weighing the situation up. A connection can mean 'are you interested enough in me' or it can mean 'I do not feel we are on the same wavelength'. Either way, she likes you and is nurturing towards you which is a sign she cares. I would venture to suggest that if you show a little more vulnerability in terms of feelings towards her (and maybe treat her a little bit by taking her out somewhere special), she might feel she can risk letting feelings grow towards you. Don't overwhelm her with professions of love but talk about how you feel you can talk to her and share with her. Make her feel special though, not just one of your female mates who you might fool around with. If she still does not feel a connection after the above, then either she's going to take a lot more work or you should consider whether it is worth pursuing a relationship with her. From what I gather so far, you and she have been seeing each other and 'fooling around'. Maybe she feels that's all you want, a bit of physical fun with no attachment.
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