mujeep Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 My ex, whom I dated for 4 years, called out of the blue last night. Totally shocked me when she called, but what even shocked me more was that fact that she asked me if I wanted to meet up. Being the weak individual I am and the fact that I had not made any plans yet, I said yes. She told me she wanted to meet where we didn't have a chance to run into anyone we would know and that this was going to be a secrete b/t just us. I agreed to the terms. She wanted to let me know that this was just as friends and she made it a point that this does not mean we are getting back together...she repeated that all night. She was also justifying why she was seeing me Saturday night, repeating it all night. I told her everything was "ok". She also made it a point that I not use us getting together against her. The whole time I was wondering why she wasn't w/ her boyfriend on a Saturday night and w/ me. I never asked her and kept it to myself. I let it go. I played it cool. I didn't start any fights, didn't press any buttons. We had a casual dinner and a drink or two and just talked and laughed, but I could tell she was REALLY nervous the whole night and I had to tell her to calm down and that I wasn't going to try anything. She told me that she has been having a tough few days lately and to make a long story short, she said the guy she has been seeing the last 4 months does not tell her she is pretty, means anything to her, how great she is, doesn't laugh at her goofiness, etc.. pretty much all the things I did. This is why she wanted to meet. I didn't want to say "I told ya so", but I did. I also told her the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She agreed. Most importantly, I didn't get mad when she started talking about him. I just listened to what she had to say and didn't blow up like I did in the past. A much different approach. Getting over her was starting to sink in, but now I think I'm at point zero again. Damn why did I do that!? She said she doesn't want to get back w/ me, doesn't love me, her parents sure don't want her to get back w/ me, so how should I take this? She said she would like to meet up w/ me again just as friends and that she had a good time. She said, "just don't expect us getting together to be a habit". I told her I didn't just want to be together when she is having problems or when her boyfriend doesn't want to be w/ her. I don't want to be used just b/c she is lonely. I've really missed her and I've longed to be w/ her. I've never loved anyone else but her. Now I feel like I want to talk to her all the time. All the feelings are starting to rush back in. Should I continue to play it cool, hoping that someday her feelings about me will change or should I try something else?
ciara12step Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 be her friend .. u never know what can happen in the future .. its unpredictable
Author mujeep Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Being JUST friends w/ someone you love so deeply has got to be one of the hardest challenges. I do want to be her friend, but at the same time I want her to love me again. I know love can't be demanded. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time trying to get her back.
sanne Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 mujeep you already know the answers to your questions. if she wanted you back you two would be together by now. implement NC, don't ever talk to her again, and move on man. her words are very clear, she doesn't want to get back together and her parents don't want it either. what part of that are you not understanding. sometimes, you do NC and you don't get the girl back. what you do get back is your dignity, pride, confidence, and self-worth. and trust me that is worth a lot more than you think. good luck, stay strong, and keep your head up.
blue16 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by mujeep I told her I didn't just want to be together when she is having problems or when her boyfriend doesn't want to be w/ her. I don't want to be used just b/c she is lonely. I think you answered your own question.
GOSSMAN Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 she is using you, you won't get her back if you are always available to her. Leave her alone and get someone better, cause you can't be friends with someone that you want more with.
francis Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 do yourself the biggest favour and stay away. she is a big girl and can make her own decisions based on her feelings without you having to be her friend. if she wants you, you'll know about it. but keep your dignity and make it clear to her that you cannot be her friend, so until she has decided to make it a proper go, tell her she must be fair with you (and not so damn selfish) and tell her to leave you alone. if you are the guy for her, she won't let you go. just dont be such an easy target. make her realise what's she's missing.
Author mujeep Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 I can honestly tell you that my dignity, pride, confidence, and self-worth have hit an all time low lately. And you are all right, having contact with this girl isn't going to make the situation any better. It's like she gets close to me, but then pulls right back away like a rubber-band. It's really strange. I've been trying to date other girls, but I just can't seem to get that head-over-heels feeling again. But I must admit, it took me a good year to even get that feeling with my ex when we first dated. I guess I miss that feeling so much that want it back in a hurry, trying to fill the empty void she left inside me. In a way I guess she is doing the same thing, but I don't think it is working out so great for her. My goal is to not even care if it is or isn't working for her and move on with my life and worry about myself and my problems, not hers.
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