mischalove Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 (edited) Hey all. I'm new to the boards. I am about a month out from a breakup after a 2.5 year long relationship. I was devastated but have since realized it is probably for the best as I do not think our relationship was as strong as I told myself it was. He changed his mind about wanting children and along with thinking we had some other incompatibility issues and me putting some pressure on him to commit, he ended our relationship. I am 36 and it was the longest relationship I have ever had. He was married for a few years in his 20's. I am passed being angry and am just grieving the loss of him, our little life and our potential future. I decided to jump right back into dating which is totally out of character for me, but I am 36 and still want a marriage and family. I went on a coffee date a few days ago and while the date itself was nice I came home and cried because it was weird to be out with another man on top of the fact that I still feel a little lost. I'm in a new apt that still doesn't feel like 'home', likely because my ex isn't here and struggling to not let myself get depressed. The guy I met has a lot to offer and is RIGHT on the same page as me. I have a second date scheduled and am looking forward to it, but I'm not sure if it is too soon. Looking for any input, advice or experience. Like I said I have never been in a relationship this long so i don't know what is 'normal'. THANK YOU! Edited February 27, 2017 by mischalove
Maldives Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Hey all. I'm new to the boards. I am about a month out from a breakup after a 2.5 year long relationship. I was devastated but have since realized it is probably for the best as I do not think our relationship was as strong as I told myself it was. He changed his mind about wanting children and along with thinking we had some other incompatibility issues and me putting some pressure on him to commit, he ended our relationship. I am 36 and it was the longest relationship I have ever had. He was married for a few years in his 20's. I am passed being angry and am just grieving the loss of him, our little life and our potential future. I decided to jump right back into dating which is totally out of character for me, but I am 36 and still want a marriage and family. I went on a coffee date a few days ago and while the date itself was nice I came home and cried because it was weird to be out with another man on top of the fact that I still feel a little lost. I'm in a new apt that still doesn't feel like 'home', likely because my ex isn't here and struggling to not let myself get depressed. The guy I met has a lot to offer and is RIGHT on the same page as me. I have a second date scheduled and am looking forward to it, but I'm not sure if it is too soon. Looking for any input, advice or experience. Like I said I have never been in a relationship this long so i don't know what is 'normal'. THANK YOU! U mentioned u came home and cried I would say that's a good indication ur still healing if u hurt ur not over it if u had deep feelings for ur ex and guessing u would have if ur talking marriage I don't believe ur gonna heal that quickly. Here's where it gets tricky and u cld sabotage a potentially good relationship the one in front of u now. If ur aware u may heal wth this current guy. I'm gonna take a guess by ur age ur biological clock is ticking so there's also an underlying agenda a family before it's too late to conceive. I kno my ex wife was the same. So there's time pressure I get it . Ok, coming back to my point wat I've found thru failed rebounds not necessarily a rebound in ur case but I say rebound because ur not over ur ex so here it is, u wont be emotionally present wth this guy as ur healing missing ur ex. Meaning subconsuiscly it'll seep and act out in this potential relationship the guy will pick up on thisome. Anyway u can like i said heal wthin a relationship but my advice because of wat i did and learnt and regretted in my past is to make this current potential relationship a success do not talk about the ex to him at all or get emotional in front of him dedicate ureself to him and no ex contact. If u can seriously do this and find ur own time nor in front or with this guy to grieve ur lost relationship then u cld heal and make it work. Wat ur gonna find tho is it won't feel the same u will be constantly thinking and missing the ex whilst wth this guy that's the danger and that's where u can sabotage this. Anyway that's my 2 bobs worth good luck
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