Am I at fault or him? Now what??

[Emaize3]

Hello,

 

I haven't been here since my horrible break up over a year ago. Since then, I met a wonderful man. He's loving, caring, good looking, great in bed, etc. I consider myself lucky. We are in our 40's and are approaching the 6 month mark. I know that nobody is perfect and this man does a lot of things "right" in a relationship. Here's my problem- he isn't very supportive when I need it. For example, he has no problem talking about work and his stress. He's a scientist and sometimes he'll go on and on about his daily work and even though it's over my head (I'm in banking), I still support him and make conversation. When I am stressed, he usually ignores me and changes the subject. Another thing - he never says hello to my kids (17 & 18). He ignores them when he comes over. I'm always cordial and talkative to his kids!! My son got in a bad car accident and although my bf did take me to the hospital, he did not offer to stay. That night when my son was home, my bf didn't say hello to him or ask how he was feeling - nothing! Sooo, I decided to bring it up thinking that he should be aware of my feelings. Mind you, we never fight or disagree. He stood up and said that he hates confrontation and asked me to leave! I was shocked! He said that's who he is and I'm attacking him and we both have so much on our plate and he doesn't need this! I told him that I loved him and wasn't attacking him and always support him. Wow!! That was last night and it's 3 pm here now and I haven't heard a peep from him. Are we done? Did I screw up? Should I try to fight for him as he really is wondeful in all other ways. I'm so confused and scared. I never get this right!!! Any advice is appreciated.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Emaize3

[SunnySide0418]

Hello,

 

I haven't been here since my horrible break up over a year ago. Since then, I met a wonderful man. He's loving, caring, good looking, great in bed, etc. I consider myself lucky. We are in our 40's and are approaching the 6 month mark. I know that nobody is perfect and this man does a lot of things "right" in a relationship. Here's my problem- he isn't very supportive when I need it. For example, he has no problem talking about work and his stress. He's a scientist and sometimes he'll go on and on about his daily work and even though it's over my head (I'm in banking), I still support him and make conversation. When I am stressed, he usually ignores me and changes the subject. Another thing - he never says hello to my kids (17 & 18). He ignores them when he comes over. I'm always cordial and talkative to his kids!! My son got in a bad car accident and although my bf did take me to the hospital, he did not offer to stay. That night when my son was home, my bf didn't say hello to him or ask how he was feeling - nothing! Sooo, I decided to bring it up thinking that he should be aware of my feelings. Mind you, we never fight or disagree. He stood up and said that he hates confrontation and asked me to leave! I was shocked! He said that's who he is and I'm attacking him and we both have so much on our plate and he doesn't need this! I told him that I loved him and wasn't attacking him and always support him. Wow!! That was last night and it's 3 pm here now and I haven't heard a peep from him. Are we done? Did I screw up? Should I try to fight for him as he really is wondeful in all other ways. I'm so confused and scared. I never get this right!!! Any advice is appreciated.

 

He's not supporive, isn't nice to your kids, you can't talk to him. He doesn't sound so great to me. Not acknowledging my kids or showing concern for them would be a deal breaker for me.

[newheart]

Hello,

 

I haven't been here since my horrible break up over a year ago. Since then, I met a wonderful man. He's loving, caring, good looking, great in bed, etc. I consider myself lucky. We are in our 40's and are approaching the 6 month mark. I know that nobody is perfect and this man does a lot of things "right" in a relationship. Here's my problem- he isn't very supportive when I need it. For example, he has no problem talking about work and his stress. He's a scientist and sometimes he'll go on and on about his daily work and even though it's over my head (I'm in banking), I still support him and make conversation. When I am stressed, he usually ignores me and changes the subject. Another thing - he never says hello to my kids (17 & 18). He ignores them when he comes over. I'm always cordial and talkative to his kids!! My son got in a bad car accident and although my bf did take me to the hospital, he did not offer to stay. That night when my son was home, my bf didn't say hello to him or ask how he was feeling - nothing! Sooo, I decided to bring it up thinking that he should be aware of my feelings. Mind you, we never fight or disagree. He stood up and said that he hates confrontation and asked me to leave! I was shocked! He said that's who he is and I'm attacking him and we both have so much on our plate and he doesn't need this! I told him that I loved him and wasn't attacking him and always support him. Wow!! That was last night and it's 3 pm here now and I haven't heard a peep from him. Are we done? Did I screw up? Should I try to fight for him as he really is wondeful in all other ways. I'm so confused and scared. I never get this right!!! Any advice is appreciated.

 

I am so sorry to hear this. First, I think you 100% did the right thing by talking to him about your concerns. When I initially read how he interacts (or fails to) with your children, my immediate reaction was that this was intolerable in my eyes. However, I realize that some people are sometimes a little withdrawn because they are uncomfortable, not necessarily because they are being rude, so I was going to suggest a conversation with him before you make any relationship decisions.

 

However, as I read on, I see that you attempted to do that. I may not be the best person to give advice because I am fresh out of a relationship with a man who absolutely refuses to work through any conflict, and while he's never asked me to leave, he has disappeared for a couple days on a two occasions, misinterpreted things I said because he felt attacked and acted out of 'self preservation' related to past issues. I hate to say this, but odds are, even if you work through this conflict - this is likely to happen again. It is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot work through conflict. I speak from experience when I say it is heartbreaking to not be able to talk about things which could probably be easily resolved with someone who does not have these communication issues.

 

That said, I'd give it another day or so to calm down. Again, I am a little scarred from similar recent events, so I may not be the best person to talk to - but after giving it another day, I would reach out just one time to explain you were not attacking him, that you feel your relationship is important to you and you'd like to discuss it in person. If he agrees, you've made progress. If not, you've dodged a bullet.

 

If you do get this far though ... I have to be honest, the not addressing the kids is a red flag for me, and not staying to support you at the hospital? Everyone is different, but this wouldn't work for me.

[todreaminblue]

he was unfair to you in my opinion......a lot of people don't like confrontation even if you put things int he nicest possible way they feel threatened.....they are harder to reason with and harder to understand......the reason why they don't like confrontation is probably because they have had really negative experiences with arguments or situations that have made them feel threatened .....

 

one way you can set off triggers...is by confronting discussions with ...you dont do this or you dont do that.....or you do this or you do that..........with the word dont......if you struggle with confrontation....what you hear clearly..... is dont dont dont dont dont .......you you you you......and what happens is they stop listening because they know the next word they are going to hear.....and it gets old really quickly...and confronting...

 

 

change the word you to we or I...

 

what can we do to make this work.....how can i make it easier for you to relate to my kids.....i love it when.....i am with your kids and we do this or that.......can we can try that with my kids...maybe we could all do this together.....

 

 

so dont changes to do or can we .....or can i...put it on you......

 

discussions to work takes an instigator and a particpant to work....the onus is on the instigator to decide how to approach certain topics with thoughts on how to get through to the participant and make the discussion work...its a mediation role.....and you have to know how your partner or participant communicates .....says me who just yelled at my impaired son...you ....dont listen.......i made a mistake......

 

and its easy to do .....you say this guy si a good guy ...i believe you...i think eh has a communication problem and people like this are not as easy to communicate with but once you get the hang of it you know yourself when you yourself aren't communicating effectively...takes two ...you just have to learn that communication style that works......

 

 

i know i differ from what other people will write......but i believe people are worth chances...because they haven't had anyone give them that chance to really know how they communicate...give him a go..try and see..and i wish you luck...deb

[kendahke]

Hello,

 

I haven't been here since my horrible break up over a year ago. Since then, I met a wonderful man. He's loving, caring, good looking, great in bed, etc. I consider myself lucky. We are in our 40's and are approaching the 6 month mark. I know that nobody is perfect and this man does a lot of things "right" in a relationship. Here's my problem- he isn't very supportive when I need it. For example, he has no problem talking about work and his stress. He's a scientist and sometimes he'll go on and on about his daily work and even though it's over my head (I'm in banking), I still support him and make conversation. When I am stressed, he usually ignores me and changes the subject. Another thing - he never says hello to my kids (17 & 18). He ignores them when he comes over. I'm always cordial and talkative to his kids!! My son got in a bad car accident and although my bf did take me to the hospital, he did not offer to stay. That night when my son was home, my bf didn't say hello to him or ask how he was feeling - nothing! Sooo, I decided to bring it up thinking that he should be aware of my feelings. Mind you, we never fight or disagree. He stood up and said that he hates confrontation and asked me to leave! I was shocked! He said that's who he is and I'm attacking him and we both have so much on our plate and he doesn't need this! I told him that I loved him and wasn't attacking him and always support him. Wow!! That was last night and it's 3 pm here now and I haven't heard a peep from him. Are we done? Did I screw up? Should I try to fight for him as he really is wondeful in all other ways. I'm so confused and scared. I never get this right!!! Any advice is appreciated.

 

Oooh, no.

 

You didn't screw up at all. He was being insensitive and insensible about your life and who/what is important to you in it.

 

IMO, there is nothing here to fight for. He is not supportive of you and he's let you know that he will not abide any analysis from you on how he comports himself. Then put you out of his house. Think on that.

 

It would be different if he extended himself in some way, but it sounds like he's firm on the fact that you either be quiet and be happy with who he is or you can bounce.

 

It's up to you if you feel this affront is enough for you to take your dignity and self respect and go find a man who's got some dang manners.

[basil67]

You did nothing wrong. You should not fight for him. If he comes back having rethought his position and gives an unreserved apology, you may want to give him another chance. But do not back down or apologise for the position you took.

[preraph]

You didn't screw up. If he hates confrontation so much, he should use common courtesy and politeness so as to avoid it in a relationship!

 

He can't be bothered with any of your problems, but he can unload on you. Sounds like he doesn't want any obligations, just to keep a sex partner handy. He doesn't have to be best friends with your kids, but entering a room, anybody's room, whoever is there, common politeness is you acknowledge them. It's a red flag.

 

I was getting to know someone at a dog park about a decade ago. There was an age gap so it was never going to happen probably, but we were both stopping if we saw each other's car there.

 

He was in investments and the financial downturn had just happened. So he was basically out of business, no where to invest, and he told me about this stuff regularly.

 

Well, my mom was old and had taken a turn for the worse. She was out of town. One day I told him I was having to decide what to do and all that. He interrupted me and told me he came to the dog park as his outlet and not to get depressed or something of that nature. Really rude. We had a big blowup, needless to say. I had not seen anything that would have prepared me for this. My feelings were hurt, but mostly I was just mad and I let him know it and he stopped hanging out there shortly thereafter because I was loaded for bear and he knew it.

 

Some people are just one way takers. Better you know now before you married or something. He's not anyone to go into old age with, I can tell you that!

[Emaize3]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication. How does one guide another into supportive converasations? Lol.. sounds like I have to support myself. I did like the post about changing my verbiage to "I" and "we" instead of "you". Sounds less threatening. He really is helpful, giving and very loyal. Qualities that are not always easy to find.

[Gaeta]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication. How does one guide another into supportive converasations? Lol.. sounds like I have to support myself. I did like the post about changing my verbiage to "I" and "we" instead of "you". Sounds less threatening. He really is helpful, giving and very loyal. Qualities that are not always easy to find.

 

Again, you are about to make a bad choice of man.

 

Being helpful, giving and loyal does not compensate for being non-supportive and dismissive of your feelings and children. Ask anyone on here and we'll all say our boyfriend are helpful giving and loyal, there is nothing special to it. Those are common traits we find in most people. That does not make him boyfriend material.

 

I am appalled you are willing to continue this relationship even though he ignores your children. Your children and you are a package. This attitude he has will build a wall between you and your children over time. You really think your children have not noticed his attitude toward them?

 

What's in it for you long term? Only distance and conflict. He won't be interested in being a 'unit' with you and your children. Your children are an extension of yourself, he should want to get to know them as he should be interested in getting to know more about you but it's not happening.

 

This man will always stand aside and not be interested in participating in your children graduations, birthdays, holidays, wedding, promotions, arrival of grand-children.

 

This man isn't interested in what he could bring to your life, he's only interested in what he can get out of you.

 

You are in your 40s, the worse of your life is behind you, your biggest battles are behind you. Now it time to look forward to enjoy life and the people in them. Why would you pick a character like this is beyond me.

 

I am 51. As I get older I realize what counts the most in life are 'people'. The people in my life and what they bring to it. If you do not enhance my life than I don't want you in it.

 

I have an adult daughter. She is the most important person in my life. She adores my boyfriend and my bf shares that same affection toward her. The 3 of us spend a lot of time together 'as a unit' and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

A man that would not acknowledge my child wouldn't be under my roof.

[Emaize3]

Thank you Gaeta. My kids have noticed and brought it to my attention. It makes them (and me) uncomfortable. I guess I say he's a nice guy because I know he's not doing it on purpose. He's always there for me at any given time. He's just socially inept- and this guy is really smart by the way!! Just socially inept.

[CptInsano]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication. How does one guide another into supportive converasations? Lol.. sounds like I have to support myself. I did like the post about changing my verbiage to "I" and "we" instead of "you". Sounds less threatening. He really is helpful, giving and very loyal. Qualities that are not always easy to find.

 

I've spent a lot of time around scientists and many are the way you describe your bf: Very non-confrontational and not very outwardly emotional. I dragged a physicist to go clubbing with me and my buddies for two years. We thought we were doing him a favor, but he was a true introvert and hated every bit of it. But it just took him two years to stand up to us and say something about it. We didn't influence him at all.

 

Don't necessarily expect your bf to change if you can value him for what he already is.

[preraph]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication. How does one guide another into supportive converasations? Lol.. sounds like I have to support myself. I did like the post about changing my verbiage to "I" and "we" instead of "you". Sounds less threatening. He really is helpful, giving and very loyal. Qualities that are not always easy to find.

 

You can't change him. He's probably been like that since he was a kid. You are in love with who you hoped he'd be. He's not that person and doesn't sound very nice.

[Gaeta]

Thank you Gaeta. My kids have noticed and brought it to my attention. It makes them (and me) uncomfortable. I guess I say he's a nice guy because I know he's not doing it on purpose. He's always there for me at any given time. He's just socially inept- and this guy is really smart by the way!! Just socially inept.

 

How long can you be with a man that doesn't take an interest in your day? or shuts you off when you offer information about your day? You don't change socially inept people especially not in their 40s.

 

You keep saying he's a nice guy but he's not, he is just a guy that does the basic. A nice guy is a man that goes out of his way to make you feel special and important. How does he get out of his way for you? How does he make compromises for you? How does he do things he doesn't really care for to please you?

 

This guy only does what he wants, when he wants, right? How does that make him a good guy?

 

Smart does not mean emotionally mature, kind, giving, supportive. Smart does not mean 'good guy'. Smart does not mean relationship material.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Gaeta

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

I haven't been here since my horrible break up over a year ago. Since then, I met a wonderful man. He's loving, caring, good looking, great in bed, etc. I consider myself lucky. We are in our 40's and are approaching the 6 month mark. I know that nobody is perfect and this man does a lot of things "right" in a relationship. Here's my problem- he isn't very supportive when I need it. For example, he has no problem talking about work and his stress. He's a scientist and sometimes he'll go on and on about his daily work and even though it's over my head (I'm in banking), I still support him and make conversation. When I am stressed, he usually ignores me and changes the subject. Another thing - he never says hello to my kids (17 & 18). He ignores them when he comes over. I'm always cordial and talkative to his kids!! My son got in a bad car accident and although my bf did take me to the hospital, he did not offer to stay. That night when my son was home, my bf didn't say hello to him or ask how he was feeling - nothing! Sooo, I decided to bring it up thinking that he should be aware of my feelings. Mind you, we never fight or disagree. He stood up and said that he hates confrontation and asked me to leave! I was shocked! He said that's who he is and I'm attacking him and we both have so much on our plate and he doesn't need this! I told him that I loved him and wasn't attacking him and always support him. Wow!! That was last night and it's 3 pm here now and I haven't heard a peep from him. Are we done? Did I screw up? Should I try to fight for him as he really is wondeful in all other ways. I'm so confused and scared. I never get this right!!! Any advice is appreciated.

 

Mind you, we never fight or disagree-- You do now . . .

 

Did I screw up? -- No. He did.

 

You have a one-sided relationship.

 

Should I try to fight for him -- ?????? I don't even know what you mean by that.

 

he really is wondeful in all other ways -- This is one area that negates all the other "ways". A partner who doesn't support you emotionally, isn't a partner. He sounds very cold.

 

It sounds to me like he doesn't want a "relationship", he wants a steady "plus 1" for things and sex, not a girlfriend.

[smackie9]

Sorry hun, he is what he is, you CANNOT fix him. I feel you are putting him before yours and your kid's needs. You stay with him, it's only going to drive a wedge between you, and your kids. They will never look up to him, they are going to hate him and resent you. It's only going to get ugly when it all starts to come undone...

 

I'm not saying he's a bad person....he not the right person.

[d0nnivain]

How he acted would be a deal breaker for me. You didn't confront him. You tried to talk to him. He was so dismissive. Ugh.

 

 

I was in a LTR when my mother fell ill. She was hospitalized & needed surgery but was not well enough to make her own decisions. My father, the 1st designated person on her Advanced Directive, was too upset at the prospect of my mother dying that he couldn't think straight or make decisions either so it fell to me. I called my SO who I had been living with for several years & asked him to come to the hospital to wait with me during the long surgery. My father was in Church praying because he was falling apart. My SO told me he couldn't come b/c he wanted to do maintenance on his car. I flipped & screamed that if he didn't come up to the hospital that we were done because I couldn't deal with being abandoned in my time of greatest need. Yes, I was dramatic. Probably over the top but he understood how deeply I felt this & he showed up, at least in body. That was a wake up call for me because I started to realize he'd never truly be a support system for me.

[Gaeta]

How he acted would be a deal breaker for me. You didn't confront him. You tried to talk to him. He was so dismissive. Ugh.

 

 

I was in a LTR when my mother fell ill. She was hospitalized & needed surgery but was not well enough to make her own decisions. My father, the 1st designated person on her Advanced Directive, was too upset at the prospect of my mother dying that he couldn't think straight or make decisions either so it fell to me. I called my SO who I had been living with for several years & asked him to come to the hospital to wait with me during the long surgery. My father was in Church praying because he was falling apart. My SO told me he couldn't come b/c he wanted to do maintenance on his car. I flipped & screamed that if he didn't come up to the hospital that we were done because I couldn't deal with being abandoned in my time of greatest need. Yes, I was dramatic. Probably over the top but he understood how deeply I felt this & he showed up, at least in body. That was a wake up call for me because I started to realize he'd never truly be a support system for me.

 

WOW! that just blew my mind! It was the right moment to be dramatic and over the top !

[kendahke]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication.

 

Stop. Please.

 

You are doing what so many women do: squandering your precious youth trying to change a man into someone he's not to make you happy.

 

When a man is comfortable putting you out of his house, you need to understand that this is his default position. It's not a cute look being over 40 and put out of someone's home just because they don't like what you said.

[preraph]

This is why I always say before you marry someone, be sure you have seen them how they are when their car breaks down, when YOUR car breaks down, when they are ill, when YOU are ill, and during a crisis.

 

If they get extremely angry when the car breaks down or are jerks when they're ill, that tells you that once the honeymoon is over and they have to deal with daily things, this is the potential of how bad they can get around you. The others are to see if they're any good at supporting loved ones, which is central to choosing a father or husband.

[Emaize3]

Wow d0nnovain- I'm so sorry! That's awful!! I guess I should clarify too that we do not live together and when he abruptly told me to leave, in was just me visiting him (movie, date, what have you). Funny, he's always there for me when my car breaks down as mentioned by another poster. He's happy to look at it and fix it and he happily drove me to the hospital on the fly, no questions asked. However, I think everybody replying to me has the same advice. I still haven't heard a peep from him but I suppose it shouldn't matter. You all know my heart is hurting though.

[todreaminblue]

Wow! Thank you everybody for your feedback and personal stories. I wish all of you the best. Id like to stay with him.. if that's even a possibility but I just don't know how to make him comfortable with communication. How does one guide another into supportive converasations? Lol.. sounds like I have to support myself. I did like the post about changing my verbiage to "I" and "we" instead of "you". Sounds less threatening. He really is helpful, giving and very loyal. Qualities that are not always easy to find.

 

 

no they arent...all people have flaws all people have bad days......and some people take longer to know their communication styles....in your post you have given three maybe specific examples.....over a period of time i am gathering...only you know how far between they are.....ultimately it is you who makes the decision if to stay or go.....no one on here including me can say whats right for you...we are only a very very small block of type...you make a decision on the big picture.....

 

keep a journal......write down your thoughts on interactions ...and when you do write down how you feel you could have approached the situation differently...as well....when people are short with me or a bit harsh i often asked have you had a rough week or a rough day....and ask them if they want to talk about it...when you have had a rough day you can be a little selfish to others needs.....because people have been selfish with yours.....its really quite telling that when i have had that instinct when people have been a bit ignorant with me....that they have had some tough times.....and they need some tlc themselves.....my instincts have been right on the money......

 

 

people are really important to me especially ones i care for....they all have their own methods of communication....it takes time and effort to to really know someone.....and to knwo when they are going through things themselves which colors how they communicate...makes them less ...i guess carign and responisive ...all understandable...your guy may be worth that effort to you...to me ...most people are worth the effort......i have been able to make friends with people because i dont expect perfection...i expect flaws to arise..........and am prepared for them.....if he ever makes you feel bad all the time..e.very day ...puts you down ...makes you feel like dirt...leave......that is one area i fail at...i keep trying ....and i should know when enough is enough..i hav eextremely high hopes for people others have long given up on.......dont make my mistake...but do give the guy a chance if you see far more good times than bad......deb

[d0nnivain]

Wow d0nnovain-

 

 

It's OK. It was a very long time ago. But it did start me to wake up. I still hung on for a few more years. I was young, dumb & thought I had all the time in the world. Pffffftt

 

 

In contrast my darling amazing wonderful husband was with me every step of the way through the ends of my parents' lives. He didn't always have words. But he showed up. He hugged me. He dried my tears. He stepped up when I was falling apart.

 

 

As much as your heart may be hurting, I can only imaging how awful your kids would feel if they thought you were picking him over them. At this point, sadly, he is putting you in that spot & as a good mom, you know you only have one option & it ain't him.

 

 

hugs.

[TheBathWater]

The best tips for communication I have are:

 

#1 To the best of your ability, don't 'join in' in the anger. As long as one person is able to remain somewhat rational and calm, the fight at least won't get worse.

 

#2 Be supportive and sincere to listen. Even if you don't feel you fully understand, that's okay. People need to be soothed when they are upset. Try to assess what he needs and provide what you're able to, whether that's empathy, space, etc... BUT a word of caution: This does not mean it's okay to tolerate abuse of any sort. If he is intentionally disrespecting you and wanting to hurt you, then it's time to set really hard boundaries and say "That's not okay to say that to me. I understand you're upset, but that's not alright. Maybe we need space to cool down." And contact each other in a couple of days.

 

#3 Make your feelings and needs known. Do you know what they are? It sounds to me like you need to feel supported and understood by him. I don't know how you typically ask him for this, or if you ask him at all explicitly, but you could try stating that explicitly. Not in the sense that you demand it or that he is being bad to you (because that won't go over well if you personalize whatever issues he obviously is dealing with), but something to the effect of: "When you (name the behavior he did), I feel (name your feeling) because I need (name your need." Example: "When you shut down on me, I feel scared because I love you and need reassurance." Look up Nonviolent Communication for more information on this strategy.

 

I hope it works out. Best of luck!

[Gaeta]

You have only been dating 4 months it's a drop in the ocean and a couple of weeks will be enough to get over him.

 

Look at the big picture. So little time together and he kicks you out of his home and shut you out emotionnally.

 

Show your children how you don't accept this type of treatment in a relationship.

[Dis]

Hey girl

 

Just want to tell you I know what type of guy you're talking about

 

My dad is the same way. He absolutley brillant! He could teach organic chemistry, he could tell you accurate answers to the most random questions like the migration patterns of Candian geese , he can rewire an entire house, he can fix anything on a car, he's well briefed in pharmocology, politics, he's basically the human version of google!!!

 

He was a tremendous provider growing up. He made A LOT of money. But, in other ways, he was not a good husband, nor a good father. He was always, and still is emotionally inept

 

These types of men have very high IQs but very low EQs

 

My poor mom is the most caring, loving, compassionate person I've ever met and shes never been happy with my dad. They almost got a divorce last year but now, I think shes too tired to start over. Hes never showed her the same love and support in return...its really sad

 

Growing up with a father like that, I can tell you, I'd rather marry a man thats far less wealthy and who was able to support me and connect with me on a deep, emotional, powerful level

 

Please dont settle for this guy. For your kid's sake! The way he treats them alone would be a deal breaker for me. This will not change, but your resentments will grow. You deserve better (so do your kids)