avoj Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 This is going to be long so please bare with me. I was depressed and went to see a therapist. I started Zoloft. During this time I felt like I didn’t love her anymore. I felt like she was controlling. I remember how upset I got when I wanted to take a day off of work she did to. I hated that. I needed my space. She never gave it to me. She wanted my attention 24-7. I even began fantasizing about being with other women. Than one day in May or June I think it was June. I told her how I felt. I said I felt like we were more like friends and I didn’t know how I felt about her. I said I felt like we had become one individual. I didn’t know myself anymore. I needed and wanted to have friends. That we both needed to work on ourselves so that we could work on the relationship. We cryed. She told me she fell out of love with me. I asked her if we could work on our relationship. She said yes. I don’t want to lose you out of my life. I too felt the same. Than maybe a couple weeks later she began disappearing on the weekends to stay at her moms or her friends house. I started to notice a telephone usage pattern. She began getting weird when I was in the same room with her while she was on the phone. I began drilling her about it. I got jealous. We broke up. Actually I am the one that told her it was over and that I wanted to see other people.(I didnt mean said it out of anger) She said fine and hung up on me. She than told me she need her space. She needs to find herself. I did not understand this. She did not explain to me exactly what I need to do to give her space. She said lets be friends. That’s all we were anyways for all of these years. She didn’t want to work on us. She wants to work on her. She than began saying stuff like what if I start dating other people. Are you going to be able to handle it? She ran my cell phone bill up to $700. When I asked her for the password to my account she wouldnt give it to me. Argued with me for 10 min why I wanted to see it. She sounded scared. I was shocked when I saw the phone calls started May 14 to this other girl (We were a lesbian couple) Things started to get worse. For weeks since June to July 21s she started disappearing. She didn’t come home from work. She stopped calling me all of the time. She was still having those phone calls. Spending the night at her friends house every weekend or at her mother’s so she said. She would get defensive with me anytime I tried to talk to about what was going on. She told me to leave her and alone and give her her space. It’s none of my business who she is talking to or where she is going. During our vacation July 3 – July 10 she disappeared the entire week. Said she was staying at her moms July 3 and 4th. Said she was going to her friends party on the 3rd I was so hurt. I started smoking, became obessed with what she was doing. Finally I broke down and on July 21s 2005 I contacted her mother crying. Her mother told me that her daughter told her that I was the one running around with my friends every night while she sat all alone in the house. She told her mom I yelled and screamed at her and said I didn’t like her. Said I wanted her out of the house. I never did any of those things. She did all of those things. Saying she was going to leave. Her mom also told me her daughter hasn’t stayed at her house since Easter. So that means father’s day weekend she lied about staying at her mom’s house to bake. My ex says she stayed at her friends b/c she got tired of me flipping out of where she was going. That’s a lie. We didn’t break up until the 20th. All of a sudden she was going to he friends all of the time Yea right. I contacted Adrianne who is the one I think she is seeing. She is a 22 year old bi-sexual girl. Her mom told me her daughter mentions Adrianne a lot. Adrianne hung up on me. 10 minutes later my ex calls screaming at me. I heard a female voice in the background and it sounded like Adrianne. My ex told me she was with her work friends looking at apartments. Yea right. So when she got home 3 hours later I told her to get out. She moved her things out July 22 and July 23. I left the house. So I officially haven’t seen her sine Thursday nite. I have talked to her on the phone. Now all of a sudden she is being nice. Wants to be friends. Says she needs to move out on her own for awhile. I asked her if we will ever get back together she says she doesn’t know. Whatever! I told her not to contact me for awhile. She is cold. I must accept the fact that she does not love me. She told me we aren’t compatiable and hasn’t loved me in years. She said this Thursday night July 21st. She abandoned me and the 4 cats we raised togther for the last 7 years. Now she wants to talk about everything that has happened. Why? What’s that going to do? She screwed up. I love her so much. My heart hurts right now. I am depressed. Can’t eat. I just want our lives back to where they were. Us together. She is obviously seeing someone else. Why she denies it I don’t know. My therapist tells me denies it so she looks like the victim. She doesn’t want to look like a bad person. I miss her. How long till the pain subsides? I hope not too long. I had dreams of her last night. They were dreams of us getting back together, than I wake up and reality sets in. The rest of the stuff she left I boxed up what I could and shoved everything in the closet and closed the door. How could she do this to me? After 7 years, cancer, cancer treatment, all of those other surgeries. She was there for me. How can someone be this cruel. I need to remember that she told me "she needs her space", "She needs to be on her own for awhile", "She hasnt loved me in years","That we are not compatible", "Let's be friends". I know deep in side all of those statements mean only one thing. That she wanted out of the relationship. That she doesn't care about me anymore. She is obviously seeing someone else, but denies it. She wants it to seem she was the victim. I was the victim. I’m back. Sunday July 24th at 6:14PM. I can’t stop thinking. I can’t believe she left me after 7 years together. It’s like she doesn’t care. She’s so cold uncaring. All of the mean things she said to me. Like you need your own friends. You can’t tag along with me everywhere I go. I am going out with my friends. Give me space. I don’t love you. The talking to that damn Adrian evey single damned day. Calling her at 6am to wake her up. Calling her at 3AM, 1AM. All hours of the day. She is seeing this chick. I know it. She denies it, but I am not stupid. How could she do this to me? I must not allow her to upset me. She is out of my life now. I just need to keep her out of my life forever. I will move on to someone else eventually. I hate her. I love her, but I hate her. She betrayed me, she lied to me, she yelled and screamed at me. She was cheating. That’s all there is to it. She left me to be with someone else, probably Adrian. She left me for ayounger women. She told me Adrian is fun to be with and she likes to talk to her on the phone. My ex said she talked to her about herself. What do you all make of this? Will she come back? Is she seeing this Adrianne chick? Why does she lie? Should I just tell her to leave me alone? She left her bed and a few other things here and said she will be back in a couple of weeks to get the stuff.
Prettyinblack Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 My heart goes out to you. My b/f and I broke up last night. I know it hurts.......we all know on this site how bad it hurts when you love someone and they are acting out. Just be really good to yourself and try to stop obsessing over all the details....it's the details that drive us nuts....how she/he looked when they said this or where they looked and didn't say anything at all etc....it's all in the details. Sorry, I know that isn't very helpful but I wanted to say I am sorry you are such pain. Mine was 4 years of?????who the heck knows. Just be kind to yourself and gentle with your heart.
Author avoj Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 She called me this morning b/c the alarm went off in my house and they left a message on her vm at work. She wanted to see if everything was ok. I told her to leave me alone. Than 15 min late she sends me this email. It was sooo cold and hurtful to me. I am just going to let her go no matter how painful it is. Out of the last 7 years right now I Cannot remember one happy moment we had together. All I can think about is how horrible that last 2 months have been and all the mean things she said to me keeps running thru my head. "I know you don't want me to contact you, but I need to say this. I really appreciate the fact that you're letting me keep the bed, television and chair at your house until I find a place. There simply wasn't any more room in my mom's house, and I don't have anywhere else to store that stuff. You didn't have to do that, so please know how much I appreciate it. I also wanted to thank you for letting me use the truck. I should have a car from enterprise within the next week or so. As soon as I do, I'll bring the truck over. However, if you sell the Isuzu before that, just let me know, and I'll drop the truck off. Thanks for being understanding about this stuff. I hope that you and the kitties are doing ok. Please give them lots of love for me. I'll respect your wishes not to contact you. I will let you know when I find a place - then I can arrange to pick up the rest of my stuff. Thanks again." My reply: "Please leave me alone. I hope you and Adrianne have a nice life together. You are a cheat, sneak, lier and cold hearted. I can never forgive you. I don't want to know anything about your life. You and Adrianne can raise kids together or whatever. Do not send me emails like this thanking me. I don't want your thanks. Also when you come to get your things I do not want to see you. I do not want to hear your voice. I know what "I need my space", "I need to live on my own for awhile", and "I don't know if I will get with you again" means. Your too scared to fess up to the fact that you dont ever want me. Have a nice life! " She never replied back! I assume it is all true. This hurts. 7 years and this is what I get.
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