skynsea Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Hello everyone, this is my first time posting here. I wanted to share with you my (and also vent) about the ending of my 5 year relationship. I moved away from my family and started a new job, supported him as he went back to school to get his J.D. I thought I was being a supportive girlfriend by cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dog, and working full-time. I put my dreams and aspirations aside for him. As he started law school he became more and more distant from me. I figured it was normal because he was immersed in his studies. He started coming home later and later; wouldn't eat the dinner I made. Now in his second semester, over Saturday morning he tells me he is not in love with me and has feelings for one of his classmates. I didn't cry (yet), my intuition told me this was going to happen awhile ago. I still do feel hurt and betrayed. I was living my life for this person so that they can follow their dreams. Maybe I am the fool. He dropped that bomb on me, then left and hasn't come back home yet. I imagined he spent the night with that girl he mentioned but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm now making arrangements to move back closer to my family. The hardest part is figuring out what to do with the dog, because I'm so attached to her. I'm not sure if I can take her, which hurts really bad. I feel so slighted and hurt right now. It's like he became a different person, and I don't know him anymore. I thought we were in this together and planned our future together. I thought we had a strong relationship with trust, but oh how painfully wrong I was. Thanks everyone who bothered to read this. Any support is appreciated!
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Hugs. You did do everything right for whatever comfort that brings. Unfortunately love & relationships don't follow linear logic. If you love the dog & can provide her with a good home when you relocate, take her. If she would be better off with your EX, because she already has a routine there & you will be working too much or can't afford a place that allows pets, leave her. Yes, that sucks but right now your own mental health has to be priority one. Even though pets are family you can't really share custody of a dog. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 My thoughts are with you, OP. I went through a somewhat similar situation a few years back, though it was a co-worker (rather than classmate) my ex fell for. We'd been together nearly 8 years, and like you, I did a lot for him. I tried very hard to be supportive when he was working crazy hours. And then he started coming home a lot later too, withdrawing from me and I knew something was very off. The night we ended it, he left our shared apartment too and my guess was that he went to stay with her. I found out the full extent of their relationship after we'd already broken up. What I can tell you is, it gets better. Give yourself a lot of time to recover and try to sort out the logistics (any shared bills, etc) as soon as you can. You will need time and patience with yourself to learn a new normal. It's going to seem strange at first, but try to keep your distance from him as much as possible. Keep any necessary contact very limited. Create new goals for yourself. That helped me tremendously when I felt like my own life had imploded. Surround yourself with caring friends and family. The old cliches about going through a break-up are true! Time and positive energy really does help.
LitTunnel Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 My heart goes out to you sweetheart. You will get through this eventually. I know it seems impossible but you will. God bless you and your doggie.
preraph Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 This is a real life lesson here and I hope other women are reading it. You did "everything right," but that has little to do with what he does. In fact, you doing everything for him only left him free time to go after other women. If a man isn't doing his part, he's not as invested as you are and not trying to make you happy. It was an unbalanced relationship. You gave, he took. You became a mother figure who took care of him and his household. That's not conducive to being seen as sexy and desirable. It only leaves them free to roam. Don't give more than is being reciprocated. Don't make excuses for someone and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I'm very sorry for your pain and all that you invested and lost here. Don't let him waste even more of your time by wasting more than a couple of weeks mourning it. Get out there and plan activities by yourself and with others. Living well is the best revenge. One less mouth to feed, right? And get your own dog. 5
Author skynsea Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 Yes, certainly lesson learned! Thank you everyone for your supportive words, they really mean a lot to me right now. I agree with you that I gave too much. The times I have stood up and set expectations were met with "lower your standards" and "you're being so negative". Boy was I blind. I already took care of the one shared bill we have. The dog is the most painful part. He knows I won't just "dump" her on him and will do my best to figure out whats best for her. Even if it's not with me. 3
Crystal1111 Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I'm so sorry for your pain. In my opinion puppy heartbreak is just as bad. I'm sorry you have both. Must be overwhelming. Hopefully you'll be able to be with her. (Puppy) ((Hugs))
carhill Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Welcome to LS and my sympathies during this difficult time. Do you have any friends locally you can hang with and process this? I found that to be helpful during my D, especially when I found my stbx already had a new guy living with her. Friends are like gifts from heaven. You'll get through it. Your furry friend is still there for you. It'll work out. 1
preraph Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 You could look at roommates.com or whatever the going app is for a house with a yard to share who takes pets and take that dog with you. It would be a big comfort, I'm sure. 1
Author skynsea Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 Welcome to LS and my sympathies during this difficult time. Do you have any friends locally you can hang with and process this? I found that to be helpful during my D, especially when I found my stbx already had a new guy living with her. Friends are like gifts from heaven. You'll get through it. Your furry friend is still there for you. It'll work out. Thank you. I have some family here, but I haven't really made friends here outside of work. I'm just eager to move back closer to home since I've been homesick for awhile and that is were most of my loved ones are. On a side note: The thing is he has actually done this a couple of times before. Grows distant, says he doesn't love me, then breaks up. Particularly during stressful times. Of course, comes back later saying he does love me and was just emotional from stress. I'm not sure if this will be the case again, but I just want to finally live the life I want to. Thank you all again 1
Leni88 Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Thank you. I have some family here, but I haven't really made friends here outside of work. I'm just eager to move back closer to home since I've been homesick for awhile and that is were most of my loved ones are. On a side note: The thing is he has actually done this a couple of times before. Grows distant, says he doesn't love me, then breaks up. Particularly during stressful times. Of course, comes back later saying he does love me and was just emotional from stress. I'm not sure if this will be the case again, but I just want to finally live the life I want to. Thank you all again My thoughts are with you. This same thing LITERARY happened to me last month. Except there was no women from school. Instead it was his really good friends ex. They were all in a friendship group and they work together. He started mentioning her more and more and then came the I'm not IN love with you comment. I was (am) pretty upset about this. Like your ex he has done this in the past and like your ex usually comes back. However this is the longest we have ever gone without being together so I'm 100% sure he is over it. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me. My relationship was 10 years and like you I really changed my life for him. What hurts the most is changing so much for someone and really trying to make it work only for that not to be good enough. It makes you feel worthless and personally it has made me afraid to ever get in a new relationship because I felt like I did everything right. It's hard to reconcile these events when you tried so hard. Makes you feel like even your best wasn't good enough. Stay strong and please don't contact him. You really have to heal and it will take time. Give yourself the time and I hope your next guy will appreciate how amazing you are. 2
Author skynsea Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 My thoughts are with you. This same thing LITERARY happened to me last month. Except there was no women from school. Instead it was his really good friends ex. They were all in a friendship group and they work together. He started mentioning her more and more and then came the I'm not IN love with you comment. I was (am) pretty upset about this. Like your ex he has done this in the past and like your ex usually comes back. However this is the longest we have ever gone without being together so I'm 100% sure he is over it. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me. My relationship was 10 years and like you I really changed my life for him. What hurts the most is changing so much for someone and really trying to make it work only for that not to be good enough. It makes you feel worthless and personally it has made me afraid to ever get in a new relationship because I felt like I did everything right. It's hard to reconcile these events when you tried so hard. Makes you feel like even your best wasn't good enough. Stay strong and please don't contact him. You really have to heal and it will take time. Give yourself the time and I hope your next guy will appreciate how amazing you are. Thank you for your words. It's relieving to know I'm not the only one going through this, but I am also sorry you are suffering too. 10 years is a long time to devote to someone. I do believe there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I'm new to the forums, so I can't message yet but you have my support! 1
Maldives Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Hello everyone, this is my first time posting here. I wanted to share with you my (and also vent) about the ending of my 5 year relationship. I moved away from my family and started a new job, supported him as he went back to school to get his J.D. I thought I was being a supportive girlfriend by cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dog, and working full-time. I put my dreams and aspirations aside for him. As he started law school he became more and more distant from me. I figured it was normal because he was immersed in his studies. He started coming home later and later; wouldn't eat the dinner I made. Now in his second semester, over Saturday morning he tells me he is not in love with me and has feelings for one of his classmates. I didn't cry (yet), my intuition told me this was going to happen awhile ago. I still do feel hurt and betrayed. I was living my life for this person so that they can follow their dreams. Maybe I am the fool. He dropped that bomb on me, then left and hasn't come back home yet. I imagined he spent the night with that girl he mentioned but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm now making arrangements to move back closer to my family. The hardest part is figuring out what to do with the dog, because I'm so attached to her. I'm not sure if I can take her, which hurts really bad. I feel so slighted and hurt right now. It's like he became a different person, and I don't know him anymore. I thought we were in this together and planned our future together. I thought we had a strong relationship with trust, but oh how painfully wrong I was. Thanks everyone who bothered to read this. Any support is appreciated! I'm in a similar position well she moved to be wth me interstate and works in the same place i was against it because we were having major issues before she decided to move up but I guess was just thinking about herself and wats best for her then 9 mths later dumps me after 6 yrs. Imagine having to work together and see possible romance she's fake as anything and selfish left her kids behind too that's another story. Ur ex is the same as mine selfish and not worth it its been about 5 mths well 3 mths officially it gets better wth time don't ever take that coward back honey because that's wat he is
Maldives Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Btw exactly the same i had a hunch this was gonna happen
Maldives Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 My thoughts are with you. This same thing LITERARY happened to me last month. Except there was no women from school. Instead it was his really good friends ex. They were all in a friendship group and they work together. He started mentioning her more and more and then came the I'm not IN love with you comment. I was (am) pretty upset about this. Like your ex he has done this in the past and like your ex usually comes back. However this is the longest we have ever gone without being together so I'm 100% sure he is over it. If you ever want to chat feel free to message me. My relationship was 10 years and like you I really changed my life for him. What hurts the most is changing so much for someone and really trying to make it work only for that not to be good enough. It makes you feel worthless and personally it has made me afraid to ever get in a new relationship because I felt like I did everything right. It's hard to reconcile these events when you tried so hard. Makes you feel like even your best wasn't good enough. Stay strong and please don't contact him. You really have to heal and it will take time. Give yourself the time and I hope your next guy will appreciate how amazing you are. I can sooooo relate to this the part about being afraid to get involved again
Maldives Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 This is a real life lesson here and I hope other women are reading it. You did "everything right," but that has little to do with what he does. In fact, you doing everything for him only left him free time to go after other women. If a man isn't doing his part, he's not as invested as you are and not trying to make you happy. It was an unbalanced relationship. You gave, he took. You became a mother figure who took care of him and his household. That's not conducive to being seen as sexy and desirable. It only leaves them free to roam. Don't give more than is being reciprocated. Don't make excuses for someone and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I'm very sorry for your pain and all that you invested and lost here. Don't let him waste even more of your time by wasting more than a couple of weeks mourning it. Get out there and plan activities by yourself and with others. Living well is the best revenge. One less mouth to feed, right? And get your own dog. I loathe this type of male man if id had half that stuff ever done for me pthat u did for him my relationship probably would of been a lot smoother lol. Wat an a-hole sorry to say but he is. 1
alphamale Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Any support is appreciated! never trust anyone who wants to practice law
EZNona Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 This is a real life lesson here and I hope other women are reading it. You did "everything right," but that has little to do with what he does. In fact, you doing everything for him only left him free time to go after other women. If a man isn't doing his part, he's not as invested as you are and not trying to make you happy. It was an unbalanced relationship. You gave, he took. You became a mother figure who took care of him and his household. That's not conducive to being seen as sexy and desirable. It only leaves them free to roam. Don't give more than is being reciprocated. Don't make excuses for someone and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I'm very sorry for your pain and all that you invested and lost here. Don't let him waste even more of your time by wasting more than a couple of weeks mourning it. Get out there and plan activities by yourself and with others. Living well is the best revenge. One less mouth to feed, right? And get your own dog. There is so much truth in this post!! I have learned that being an exceptionally good woman to a man easily leads to being taken for granted. I had to learn the hard way to let "a man be a man" within a relationship and make sure he is doing his part. Don't do everything for him like his momma would...You'll only just create a child to deal with instead of an equal partner. I always wondered how these women who act like "princesses" get men to be 100% devoted to them. Well, it's because they are making sure their man is working hard to keep her happy! And I am not saying to become some "princess", but to keep your good woman ways and just stir a little bit of "princess" mentality in there from time to time. And if your ex can leave you so easily after holding him down for so long, then good riddance. Who wants to carry around such dead weight anyway? I pray you can keep your puppy...pets make any breakup easier to deal with...keep strong! 1
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 That is absolutely right. Those little princesses are not setting for less. Now we may not all be little princesses but we can still walk away if someone is not meeting our needs. Steve Harvey had a week of Valentine specials and one of them was to crown romantic man of the year. Now, the couple who won definitely were the best couple and they were black and had some history. But I couldn't help notice that all these other couples wherein the guy was bending over backwards to make the woman happy, the women all looked like cookie-cutter blond Barbie dolls. Those are your little princesses.
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