JS17 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 uch I HATE challenge guys!!! as soon as they succeed and get you hooked they take off. Originally posted by Alphamale yep.....that about sums me up. its soooo much fun to watch them fall for you and the noises they make during sex thinking you'll be around for the long term.....heh heh heh....little do they know.... spinning off from another thread....i want to know what makes a challenge guy and/or player? why do you do what you do? what is it that you look for in a woman that you want to play versus a woman that you want to get more serious with?
Marshbear Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 spinning off from another thread....i want to know what makes a challenge guy and/or player? why do you do what you do? what is it that you look for in a woman that you want to play versus a woman that you want to get more serious with? I don't know if you are going to want my answer but there it is. i want to know what makes a challenge guy and/or player? Players are made. It is a process that a guy will go through to make himself irresistible to a women and thus get the prize ( her ). His heart is on getting her not on wanting a relationship. Players are taught to be funny, witty, charming, a challenge, mysterious. All the things that we are told will get us in her pants. why do you do what you do? I am not a player ( just to be clear ) but they do what they do because we are taught it is what guys want ( sex ). You tell her what she wants to hear so you can "hit it". Then the challenge is gone. You move on to the nest challenge. what is it that you look for in a woman that you want to play versus a woman that you want to get more serious with? Players do not look for serious relationships. They look to win the prize ( you ).
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 this is somewhat related so how about this...what makes relationship guys play women? they've been in serious relationships before and they will be again....somewhere inbetween they play women.
Marshbear Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 this is somewhat related so how about this...what makes relationship guys play women? they've been in serious relationships before and they will be again....somewhere inbetween they play women. A guy who has had a serious relationship and then plays with women but then goes back to a serious relationship is not a player. I would say he sees the in-between girl as not a serious relationship type for him. He uses her because he knows he is not going to get emotional with her. Was your great sex guy this type?
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 the original post was just because i seem to attract challenge guys who pretend not to be for obvious reasons and i thought alpha could provide some insight as to how i could avoid them in the future but yes, my second question about relationship guys is related to great sex guy.
J dub Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Yeah I'd like to know how to remain a challenge to a guy. So far its been over a week since we first went out and hes callin me like crazy and asking me if I'll miss him when hes gone on his trip for a week. I still havent even kissed him. This is a new ball game for me
Dasani Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Yeah I'd like to know how to remain a challenge to a guy. So far its been over a week since we first went out and hes callin me like crazy and asking me if I'll miss him when hes gone on his trip for a week. I still havent even kissed him. This is a new ball game for me um your guy is not a challenge guy... if he was.. he would say "ok I'm taking you out the night before you leave- so we can get together and have a send off..." or "call me when you get back" and then he wont talk to you again until you do. yours, as it is now,asking if you'll miss him is the "nice" (read: pushover (read: walk all over)) guy.
elijahBailey Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by Dasani yours, as it is now,asking if you'll miss him is the "nice" (read: pushover (read: walk all over)) guy. LOL, also read: clingy guy
elijahBailey Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 spinning off from another thread....i want to know what makes a challenge guy and/or player? why do you do what you do? what is it that you look for in a woman that you want to play versus a woman that you want to get more serious with? it's all about power and dominance. These men 'score' with the sex. When they are done with it, to them, they had owned you. You're just another figure. I'd say that most guys, if they've got it in them, would want to be a player too. But the reason why they don't is just that they don't know how to play the game. IMHO, for the most part, one has to be born with it.... the articulation of speech, charisma etc.... let's digress a little... Don't women do this just as much? In another way, of course. But the reason why we don't usually call a woman a player is that, before she can be elevated to that status, she'd have been tagged a 'slut'. So, women strive for 'attention' to 'own' a guy. They'll have him on a short lease and have him follow her everywhere just to show she owns him. This, I think, is the primal nature of women (getting the attention), just as the primal nature of men is to want sex. Therefore...... men, too, 'suffer' in the hands of women
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 maybe i'm just naieve but i'm not like that so i don't really understand it. even the women that i know that are promiscuous aren't really players. i guess i'm just trying to figure out how to spot these guys and avoid them in the future because i've been used too much in the past year.
elijahBailey Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I'm not gonna be popular for sayin' this...... but hold off the sex until you get to know him more. If he's a keeper, he'll wait. If he's a player, he'd be in a hurry to get in your pants. It's not gonna be easy cos the player says things women want to hear, and you quickly feel he's THE one for you. But, in general, slow things down. I always believe that time will reveal a lot, but the thing with our society is that we all go for instant gratification, so, most of the time, we forego the 'waiting'. I'm not exempt myself And, no, I'm not saying all women are players, just as not all men are players. But women can be just as good players as men.
scratch Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i want to know what makes a challenge guy and/or player? A guy is a challenge to you if he's able to get your mental wheels spinning in trying to determine whether or not he likes you. A guy is a player to you if he isn't looking for a relationship with you. There is no man who is a challenge towards all women, because the woman has to like him for him to be a challenge. Furthermore, all men are theoretically looking for a relationship with someone, so the concept of a universal player is equally impossible. Originally posted by JS17 why do you do what you do? Why do we try to be challenges? It is the most effective method of attracting and keeping the women we want to attract and keep. Why are we players? Because our standards for women we casually date tend to be lower than our standards for women with whom we want to marry. Either we can sit on our asses until our potential wife comes around, or we can have fun and experience other women while we wait for her. Originally posted by JS17 what is it that you look for in a woman that you want to play versus a woman that you want to get more serious with? Serious Girl has to be hotter and smarter than Casual Girl from the moment we meet. Going forward, she has to demonstrate a flexible attitude and independence, and we have to be compatible in other areas. It's hard to be Serious Girl. There is one misconception I'd like to clear up. Players don't necessarily play women, i.e. deceive the woman and have fun at her expense. They play with them, i.e. have fun together. There's nothing fun about lying to a girl and telling her you love her to get laid. On the other hand, it's great fun to have a sex partner where there's no guilt or awkwardness involved.
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 we're talking about the deceptive ones. if someone is upfront with you and admits that they just want to have fun then you can avoid those people (assuming that's not what you want too). when i asked about challenge guys i was referring to guys who want women who are a challenge because the guys want a challenge.
scratch Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 when i asked about challenge guys i was referring to guys who want women who are a challenge because the guys want a challenge. Sorry I misconstrued your thread so thoroughly. There's really nothing noteworthy to say regarding why men lie for sex. I think all people like challenge, and wish they didn't; wouldn't it be cool if we never lost interest in people who were initially appealing but then began to seem clingy? Is there such a thing as a person who isn't intrigued by a challenge?
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 i think the answer i'm getting here is there's nothing i can do. some guys are just d!cks and i'm going to keep falling for their crap because they tell me what they know will work.
Marshbear Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i think the answer i'm getting here is there's nothing i can do. some guys are just d!cks and i'm going to keep falling for their crap because they tell me what they know will work. A good player is hard to spot. They know exactly how to make a women fall for them. They have been fine tuning their craft for awhile. Even though, players can be caught up in their own trap by the right women. You need to keep your own emotions in check until you know for sure what type of animal you are dealing with. Be a challenge and don't give in to him sexually until you know he is not just using you for sex. A good guy will be willing to wait. Most players will be out of there.
scratch Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i think the answer i'm getting here is there's nothing i can do. some guys are just d!cks and i'm going to keep falling for their crap because they tell me what they know will work. Your question basically comes down to this: "How can I tell if someone is lying to me?" The answer is one of the Holy Grails of interpersonal relations. You really never can tell - all you can do is try to create the right incentives for people to tell the truth, and use your experience to determine if something is too good to be true. No matter what, some lies are going to get past you. If you're disciplined and careful, the stuff that squeaks past will be due to the fact that the lie was well-crafted, not due to the fact that you really, really wanted to believe that it was true.
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 I waited about 2 months with the last guy!!! he was even upset when i asked him (beforehand) if he thought of us as "just fun" and promised me i was not a rebound. even though he wasn't technically a player, he played me. I fell for another one who pretended to be a friend and even listened to all the bs i went through with all of the recent ex's. He always told me he liked me because I was a challenge. One day as i did the proverbial crying on his shoulder we slept together and within 2 days he wouldn't speak to me, no explanation. ok, maybe that one was my mistake but he was supposed to be a friend and i trusted him. it's the first and last time i was with someone that i wasn't (or at least thought) in a relationship with. i'm independent and smart and i still fall for the same crap over and over again.
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Your question basically comes down to this: "How can I tell if someone is lying to me?" The answer is one of the Holy Grails of interpersonal relations. You really never can tell i quit!
scratch Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i quit! No you don't. Despite yourself, you feel that you'll be happiest in the long run if you do find a good, honest guy who is looking for the same thing as you. Loss of hope is the one thing that didn't escape Pandora's Box. Just be careful, and steel yourself to the fact that you'll get burned from time to time.
loony Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 JS17, I'm not sure if this will be very comforting, but I think these guys have weak egos and one thing that will really hurt their self-esteem is when you treat them like little idiots. You know, just because you fell for them once doesn't mean that you will fall for them twice. Don't act like the other women who cried after them, get over them, brush them off as an irritating yet unimportant experience. They had you - so what? Does it really matter? Their influence on your life is minimal, because they're in fact just wimps who get their self-esteeem from screwing women over who otherwise would not sleep with them. They are also just presenting a facade, because inside they're insecure as hell. Their self-esteem is based on overcoming a challenge, if they fail though, they feel like losers. I think if they had been interested in you the first time, they will be interested in you a second time again, just don't stop being a challenge and make them realize what kind of losers they are.
Marshbear Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 I waited about 2 months with the last guy!!! he was even upset when i asked him (beforehand) if he thought of us as "just fun" and promised me i was not a rebound. even though he wasn't technically a player, he played me. I fell for another one who pretended to be a friend and even listened to all the bs i went through with all of the recent ex's. He always told me he liked me because I was a challenge. One day as i did the proverbial crying on his shoulder we slept together and within 2 days he wouldn't speak to me, no explanation. ok, maybe that one was my mistake but he was supposed to be a friend and i trusted him. it's the first and last time i was with someone that i wasn't (or at least thought) in a relationship with. i'm independent and smart and i still fall for the same crap over and over again. Emotions and feelings take education out of the equation. I don't think the second guy was a player. People are allowed to change their minds. Maybe he felt you weren't right for him. Either way it hurts and we learn from it and move on. Relationships are hard and sometimes I wonder if it is worth the effort but when you find the one who makes you happy it is all worth the risk. As for the friend, it might have weirded him out when you became intimate. This happens then people become good friends and they let that friendship go to the next level. He was immature in not talking to you about it but some people just don't feel comfortable. They would rather avoid than talk. I think as we get older in the game of love we become more independent and set in our ways. We will put up with less from people. We think we are experience savvy and when we get played it bruises our ego. Just hang in there and listen to your gut feelings about people. Don't let your passion derail you. Question people motives and remember their actions say soooo much more than words.... A side note, Me and my g/f settled our differences with the arse situation. She agreed it was wrong in trying to make me do something I don't want to. I told her she can't put anything bigger than her finger up my arse.
Author JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 congrats MB, sounds like you got a keeper
alphamale Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by loony JS17, I'm not sure if this will be very comforting, but I think these guys have weak egos and one thing that will really hurt their self-esteem is when you treat them like little idiots. I disagree, most of these dudes have very strong egos and good self esteem. Otherwise they could never do what they do...women are a comodity, not unlike gasoline or velveeta cheese. because they're in fact just wimps who get their self-esteeem from screwing women over who otherwise would not sleep with them. They are also just presenting a facade, because inside they're insecure as hell. I disagree on this also, youre looking at it from a female POV. From a male POV we are playing the game and getting another notch in the bedpost. It is competition for us, something we are taught early on that we need to do. Which guy has best looking g/f, who has the fastest car? Who makes most money? Whos banged most females? And as far as insecurity goes, everyone has at least a few insecurities in their life. If you had no insecurities they you'd be.... GOD Their self-esteem is based on overcoming a challenge, if they fail though, they feel like losers. Many people like a challenge, it is human nature and not gender specific. And they don't really feel like losers, they just move on to the next conquest. It is the "nice guys" who feel like losers and sulk for 9 months if they don't get what they want.
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