Girlfriend of one year and 6 months broke up with me out of the blue. What do I do?

[Thatoneguy101]

My girlfriend is 23 about to graduate college and I'm 25 with a job and pursing another degree. girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me while we were on a trip together. we got back to our place, things got awkward for me. She acted if nothing happened and wanted space, independent and friends. This shook me hard as I begun acting resentful and ignored her when I could. I soon began flirting with other women and escorts (mistake) one night she went through my phone and saw all my conversations with them. She acted furious and said she never wanted to associate with me again. I told her it was her breaking up with me that made me act the way I acted, irrational. It was a form of infactuation to fill the happiness I lost. I never met anyone or lay hands on any other women, it was all text messages. Next morning feeling terrible, I moved out. After a week not talking, told her everything I could to get her back with no regrets (another mistake). She replied. We talked it out until 3 am.

Things started to be okay again as far as resentment towards me gone. every time I ignored her for a couple of days, she would text me back or call me and ask why am I acting like this. Valentine's Day was mutual. I took her out and got her things she always wanted. Everything was normal as if nothing happened. When I texted her she say stop being clingy, when I ignore her she texts me about random stuff as if we were together. it blew up more when her friend sent her a screen shot of a datin profile that I haven't used since it came out and assumed I have been talking to multiple women when I have been trying to work things with her. I found out she haven't forgiven me from what happened last month with other women. I told her one last text explaining, no regrets.

She texts me back saying she cares about me still and appreciate everything I have done but she needs space rn and doesn't think she will get back with me. I am giving the space she wants so much. What should I do everyone?

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did she break up with you?

[Thatoneguy101]

Just out of the blue one morning. We never broke up and got back together before. I did nothing but good for this girl. It's been a couple of days now since we last spoke

[FoundLove]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Give her what she asks - space. Go NC completely. I know it's very painful, but that's all you can do.

[dumbass2]

She did break up with you. She told you so on the trip. Whatever you did after that is your business as she broke up with you to begin with. She then reduced you to FWB because she couldn't just have you out of her life just like that. She strung you along. You have nothing to be sorry for. She doesn't want the same kind of committed relationship you once had. You do. You can only now do what she asked for. Give it to her and do not stay in contact. You can only control what you do and can't force someone into what you want. You shouldn't have to talk someone into wanting to be with you. You did nothing wrong after she broke up with you on the trip.

[Redstar91]

-wrong topic

[d0nnivain]

She broke up with you. You were free to do whatever & whoever you wanted. It was no longer her business.

 

 

You need to stop being in contact because you are broken up. If you don't know what the other is doing, then you can't be upset about it.

 

 

While her timing sucked -- breaking up with you on a trip -- I suspect her upcoming life change, graduation, is part of the reason behind her decision. She wanted to finish college fancy free to do whatever she wanted & she may be worried about being tied to one geography, near you, when trying to find a job.

 

 

Let her go. Block her if you have to but disentangle your lives. You must or you will never heal.

[Thatoneguy101]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Give her what she asks - space. Go NC completely. I know it's very painful, but that's all you can do.

 

Thank you for your input and yes it has been extremely painful. I've had breakups before but this one we talked about the future together. But yes nothing But NC from here onward.

[Thatoneguy101]

She did break up with you. She told you so on the trip. Whatever you did after that is your business as she broke up with you to begin with. She then reduced you to FWB because she couldn't just have you out of her life just like that. She strung you along. You have nothing to be sorry for. She doesn't want the same kind of committed relationship you once had. You do. You can only now do what she asked for. Give it to her and do not stay in contact. You can only control what you do and can't force someone into what you want. You shouldn't have to talk someone into wanting to be with you. You did nothing wrong after she broke up with you on the trip.

 

The exact logic I had in my mind the whole time but her emotional outpouring and glimpses of relationship like actions made me stick around for some reason. But it's true I shouldn't talk to someone to come into my life. It sucks how much I wanted her to be apart of my life. I was never that bad bf that. Always nothing but good and tried to create a spark every month by going on trips or doing surprises because we both are busy with work and school. Thanks again for you input.

[Thatoneguy101]

She broke up with you. You were free to do whatever & whoever you wanted. It was no longer her business.

 

 

You need to stop being in contact because you are broken up. If you don't know what the other is doing, then you can't be upset about it.

 

 

While her timing sucked -- breaking up with you on a trip -- I suspect her upcoming life change, graduation, is part of the reason behind her decision. She wanted to finish college fancy free to do whatever she wanted & she may be worried about being tied to one geography, near you, when trying to find a job.

 

 

Let her go. Block her if you have to but disentangle your lives. You must or you will never heal.

 

Thank you for taking time of your life to give me some insight. But yeah it's been a couple of days of NC since we last spoke. She still hasn't made a effort to contact me. Says a lot about her perception of our relationship together. Geography was never an issue. She is interning at a company and plan on working full time after which is still 5 miles radius of her school. But yes it happened on the trip and sucked. It was out of the blue. I never did anything bad, nothing but good to her trying to be the ideal man in her life.

[ExpatInItaly]

Any chance an ex or another guy has come onto the scene?

[Thatoneguy101]

Any chance an ex or another guy has come onto the scene?

 

Chances are extremely low for an ex because they were all abusive or didn't treat her well. And another guy nah, I told her to tell me straight up if she is and all her friends tell me no. I think she is casually meeting people now tho

[Thatoneguy101]

It was very weak of you to apologize for flirting with other women after she unceremoniously dumped you. The fact that you were okay with her going through your phone after she dumped you is also very telling. When she ended the relationship, she also ended your status as a boyfriend and all and any responsibilities you had toward her. You did nothing wrong and you owe her nothing. Rather than focusing on trying to revive a dead relationship and waiting for her to see the light you should be focusing 100 percent on your recovery and on living your new life as someone freshly single. Block her immediately out of everything without one word and it'll change her opinion of you, I guarantee it. The best thing anyone can do straight after getting dumped is to go right back to the dating game and show no weakness. Show you don't care and fake it till you make it.

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement. You know at the moment it all I was so trapped in this box of confusion, hate, love and what if. I was hit by a semi truck without knowing. Yes I am a couple of days into NC and take your advice.

[Simple Logic]

The fact you started chatting with escorts reveals a lot about you.

[elaine567]

I found out she haven't forgiven me from what happened last month with other women.

 

You really thought a month was enough time for her to get over you texting other women and contacting escorts?????

 

I guess she will remember that one till she is on her death bed....

[Thatoneguy101]

You really thought a month was enough time for her to get over you texting other women and contacting escorts?????

 

I guess she will remember that one till she is on her death bed....

 

I never said it would take a month but I knew it would take time. Also she broke up with me on New Year's Day at the country's capital. That says a lot. Yeah I'm not proud of what I did and it was a state of infactuation to fill that hole she left. It taught me a lesson. I was so manipulated

[Thatoneguy101]

The fact you started chatting with escorts reveals a lot about you.

 

It was at the moment in which I am not proud of. I was put in a bad situation with bad people that influenced me. Her breaking up with me it out of the blue on New Year's Day at the country's capital really put me in a hell hole. I tried looking for moment of happiness and that was one I wish I never did. It didn't define who I am.

 

I never committed any fidelity together . Took her trips. Spoiled her. Treated her like a queen. And one day she throws everything away.

[ExpatInItaly]

Chances are extremely low for an ex because they were all abusive or didn't treat her well. And another guy nah, I told her to tell me straight up if she is and all her friends tell me no. I think she is casually meeting people now tho

 

Unfortunately that doesn't mean much. Take a look around on these forums and you'll see plenty of stories of people who return to abusive or otherwise crappy exes. The same goes for people who had zero idea their exes were getting cozy with someone else - many are blindsided. Her friends are unlikely to throw her under the bus, or may not even know if there's someone else.

 

I'm not saying the above are is the only possibility, but often when someone makes a sudden departure with seemingly no preamble, it can't be ruled out either.

 

In any event, she had zero right to go through your phone. She had ended the relationship. You can flirt with whomever you want. Escorts are not the best choice, but again, that's none of her business. You were a free agent, and tough cookies if she didn't like what she found.

 

You need to stay out of contact with her now. This isn't going to end well for you if you don't.

[Thatoneguy101]

Unfortunately that doesn't mean much. Take a look around on these forums and you'll see plenty of stories of people who return to abusive or otherwise crappy exes. The same goes for people who had zero idea their exes were getting cozy with someone else - many are blindsided. Her friends are unlikely to throw her under the bus, or may not even know if there's someone else.

 

I'm not saying the above are is the only possibility, but often when someone makes a sudden departure with seemingly no preamble, it can't be ruled out either.

 

In any event, she had zero right to go through your phone. She had ended the relationship. You can flirt with whomever you want. Escorts are not the best choice, but again, that's none of her business. You were a free agent, and tough cookies if she didn't like what she found.

 

You need to stay out of contact with her now. This isn't going to end well for you if you don't.

 

Yeah I understand what you mean. And you are pretty much dot on about her friends. They never put her under the bus about what she did to me. They are more than anything party friends. Yes the escort part was a mistake of mine. I take 100 of it and learned my lesson. Yeah it's been a couple of days of no contact.. I said everything I could to her and to this day she hasn't made an effort of reconciliation or realization. It says a lot about the level of love she had.

[elaine567]

I said everything I could to her and to this day she hasn't made an effort of reconciliation or realization. It says a lot about the level of love she had.

It doesn't actually.

Love is NOT everlasting, love can be very intense and powerful and it can just gradually or suddenly disappear.

It happens every day, great love stories reduced to dust.

 

SHE broke up with you, she most likely had very good reasons as to why she did that. Most people do not break up on a whim. The chances of her wanting to reconcile are thus slim.

[Thatoneguy101]

It doesn't actually.

Love is NOT everlasting, love can be very intense and powerful and it can just gradually or suddenly disappear.

It happens every day, great love stories reduced to dust.

 

SHE broke up with you, she most likely had very good reasons as to why she did that. Most people do not break up on a whim. The chances of her wanting to reconcile are thus slim.

 

I agree that love is never everlasting. I see it everywhere from 8 year relationships to divorces everyday. I'm just saying at the end of the day I said everything I could so I can live on my life without any regrets of what if. Even after her breaking up with me and made me go through a series of emotional train wreck on top of the busy school and work schedule from 6 am to 10 pm, I still for reason had enough heart to still want to be with this person.

 

I would like to disagree she had any good reasons to break up with me. I treated nothing but good to her. Treated her like a queen and respected her. Took her out on surprises when I could in between our busy schedules and always went a mile ahead for her. but Maybe you are right. there are reasons. reasons I will prolly will never know until I die. All I am saying it was a complete 180 over night on her outlook on us.

[Thatoneguy101]

It doesn't actually.

Love is NOT everlasting, love can be very intense and powerful and it can just gradually or suddenly disappear.

It happens every day, great love stories reduced to dust.

 

SHE broke up with you, she most likely had very good reasons as to why she did that. Most people do not break up on a whim. The chances of her wanting to reconcile are thus slim.

 

And if she did had any love left for me. She would see me through all of this and understand people make mistakes and they learn from these life lessons. Shes a very wishy washy person when deciding things and always influenced by others to make decisions. Thanks for your input.

[elaine567]

I would like to disagree she had any good reasons to break up with me. I treated nothing but good to her. Treated her like a queen and respected her. Took her out on surprises when I could in between our busy schedules and always went a mile ahead for her. but Maybe you are right. there are reasons. reasons I will prolly will never know until I die. All I am saying it was a complete 180 over night on her outlook on us.

 

I am not saying you treated her badly but she will have her reasons and they will be good reasons from her point of view.

 

Break ups are very, very hard.

Grieve, heal and move on is all you can do now.

[Thatoneguy101]

UPDATE***

So I was strolling through my twitter when I came across her saying “When you feel like not doing anything all day… :/” then 30 minutes later says “I guess this is the end, it was bittersweet.” I know I shouldn’t have but I did cause I had nothing else to lose and wanted to keep the door open. I texted her saying hope you had a good weekend and she still sent resentful words and I could just sense it because I know her. She was still mad at me for the dating app that I never used. So what I did was prove to her I never downloaded the app so I sent a screen shot of the app and it still said “Get” meaning I never downloaded it. I wish I sent that when the fiasco happened but I wasn’t thinking right. Then she says “whats the point of all of this. Do you want to get back with me. I thought I told you how I feel.” I told her well I wanted to prove my point I wasn’t talking to anyone but her the whole time trying to mend things with her and that her feelings was a separate issue and told her that’s why I respected her feelings and didn’t contact her for a few days. Then she says “I just want us in good terms and nothing more.” I told her straight up okay and that I still cared about her and that imma respect her feelings and back away as she asked. We said our goodnight and she asked me why I deactivated my fb. I had deactivated it to focus on school. I thought that was puzzling. Also her posting on twitter. What do you guys think of the situation? Thanks.

Ps. I have focused on myself and in the process of improving my overall (work, education, and fitness etc).

[Thatoneguy101]

Relax, Elaine was being sarcastic.

 

And what's wrong with contacting escorts? They're quality women who are there to fulfill a need. They're really the only option to get laid quickly unless you look like Errol Flynn. The view that a prostitute's client is a pervert was stuffy even in ancient times.

 

 

Nah man. That wasnt me at all. I knew I was better than that. I'm glad im over that mini dark phase. can you read my update and tell me what you think? Thanks