Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I met a guy over the weekend and we ended up going on a date. He lives a couple hours drive away from me and is very busy during the week, he warned he could not have his phone on him during his 12+ hour work day, so he can't text that much. I have been initiating the texts convos for the most part and sometimes he just drops out the convo and we don't pick up until I text him and a couple days could go by. We have been planning a 2nd date (initiated by him), but as work weekends and he is off, I need to find someone to switch a shift w/. Is he at all interested? btw when I do text, he responds and engages, until he drops off. 1
coolheadal Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I met a guy over the weekend and we ended up going on a date. He lives a couple hours drive away from me and is very busy during the week, he warned he could not have his phone on him during his 12+ hour work day, so he can't text that much. I have been initiating the texts convos for the most part and sometimes he just drops out the convo and we don't pick up until I text him and a couple days could go by. We have been planning a 2nd date (initiated by him), but as work weekends and he is off, I need to find someone to switch a shift w/. Is he at all interested? btw when I do text, he responds and engages, until he drops off. Watch out for delays in text replies. If he votes you can check his name against the register to see if he's single man and married or not? "Very busy doing the week" hmm could be or is he really. Just make sure he's on the up and up. Do you have his address, city/state full name and does he vote? You can check to see his status (single or married) Good to check them out to make sure what they tell is the truth. If he doesn't text you back when you want you should wait on him to text you don't show weakness by text first all the time. Let him chase you instead of you chasing him with your continuous text messages. When you say drop off like does it happen always. Drop like is he doing something, (sleeping, washing clothes, taking out the dog or gone to the bathroom) next time ask him what he's doing when he drops off. Did he fall asleep. Second date where is he going to take you?
KBob Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I met a guy over the weekend and we ended up going on a date. He lives a couple hours drive away from me and is very busy during the week, he warned he could not have his phone on him during his 12+ hour work day, so he can't text that much. I have been initiating the texts convos for the most part and sometimes he just drops out the convo and we don't pick up until I text him and a couple days could go by. We have been planning a 2nd date (initiated by him), but as work weekends and he is off, I need to find someone to switch a shift w/. Is he at all interested? btw when I do text, he responds and engages, until he drops off. He may not be very interested in anything serious if he's being distant with communication but still initiating dates. On the next date ask him what he's looking for, it could just be a hookup. What does he do for work that precludes him from using his phone for 12 hours?
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Not everybody texts. He warned you he would do this. Yet, you have concerns because he is doing the very thing he told you would happen. Stop having conversations via text. Confirm the plans for the next date & leave it at that. 1
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 He may not be very interested in anything serious if he's being distant with communication but still initiating dates. On the next date ask him what he's looking for, it could just be a hookup. What does he do for work that precludes him from using his phone for 12 hours? He is studying at a military academy. No, he is not looking for a hook up, we cleared that out right away. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 What's appealing about this? He lives 2 hours away, he's said he's too busy to see you often or even talk, you guys have opposite schedules, he rarely initiates communication and ignores you. It's okay if you wanna smash and dash, get someone to cover your shift and have fun but don't invest anything in this. he sure hasn't 4
coolheadal Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 This guy is in the arm forces then you don't have anything to worry about then if he drops off. That means he's busy if he's at the base. 1
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 What's appealing about this? He lives 2 hours away, he's said he's too busy to see you often or even talk, you guys have opposite schedules, he rarely initiates communication and ignores you. It's okay if you wanna smash and dash, get someone to cover your shift and have fun but don't invest anything in this. he sure hasn't We aren't looking to "smash and dash". We connected on the 1st date and I have a very hard time finding a guy who is ambitious and shares my political/religious/moral beliefs. I feel like eventually we can come to some sort of more productive way of keeping in touch. He initiated the 2nd date and even wanted to see me this weekend. If we really like each other, we can make it work.
Miss Spider Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 (edited) I hope I did not offend. I understand what it's like to have a hard time find some you connect with/meets requirements, believe me. It just seems like a difficult situation with odds stacked against it before it even begins. Relationships can work in thes situations, but both people should be willing to make it work and you seem to be putting in a lot more than he is willing or maybe even capable of at the moment. Since you're moving around your life to get a 2nd date with already, it's just kind of something to consider. Sincerely hope it does work. Edited February 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
GoldSparkz Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 It seems as though you are doing all the chasing. If you didn't initiate the first texts, he most likely wouldn't be asking you out on a second date. I would say ease up on sending him the first texts and wait for him to make the first move. If he doesn't chase you, then sorry to say, he's not all that interested. He doesn't even seem all that interested from what you said so far. If he was, he would be blowing up your phone - regardless of his long shifts. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 He is studying at a military academy. No, he is not looking for a hook up, we cleared that out right away. The military is a highly regimented lifestyle. He really is too busy to keep up a constant stream of texts. He has his regular studies, plus physical drills. Go on the second date & see what happens. He is committed to a life of honor. Your word means something to him. That applies to his personal life too. Stop seeking instant gratification & hang on for the longer haul. If you have a little faith you could be happily rewarded. But do bear in mind he will probably be deployed upon graduation. That means more separation over longer distances, with less opportunity for contact. He will also be in grave danger. Can you handle that?
angel.eyes Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I have a few friends who graduated from some of the top military academies in the country and are now married. Sorry, but this guy can't initiate a text in the evening? He can respond, but not initiate communication? You seem way more invested than he does. If you weren't constantly texting, my sense is there would be radio silence and this would die a natural death. It's essentially a one and done. Your efforts have gotten you talk of a second date. If this second date ever happens, you'll be the one rearranging your life to make the second date happen. It's only been one date! He's made it clear that dating him will entail lots of hurdles and little effort on his part. Go find someone who is as excited about dating you as you are about dating him. You can pursue this guy, but it's a recipe for frustration and wasted time. 1
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 I have a few friends who graduated from some of the top military academies in the country and are now married. Sorry, but this guy can't initiate a text in the evening? He can respond, but not initiate communication? You seem way more invested than he does. If you weren't constantly texting, my sense is there would be radio silence and this would die a natural death. It's essentially a one and done. Your efforts have gotten you talk of a second date. If this second date ever happens, you'll be the one rearranging your life to make the second date happen. It's only been one date! He's made it clear that dating him will entail lots of hurdles and little effort on his part. Go find someone who is as excited about dating you as you are about dating him. You can pursue this guy, but it's a recipe for frustration and wasted time. Actually he suggested the middle meet place that is closer to me and convenient enough for me to take a train. He would also be driving a distance. As for me finding a sub for my shift, that is on me due to my schedule. If this dare doesnt happen, Im gonna scrap it and look elsewhere. I have chased a guy and it ended in heartbreak, this is why Im on top of it from the start, just trying to get outside thoughts
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 It seems as though you are doing all the chasing. If you didn't initiate the first texts, he most likely wouldn't be asking you out on a second date. I would say ease up on sending him the first texts and wait for him to make the first move. If he doesn't chase you, then sorry to say, he's not all that interested. He doesn't even seem all that interested from what you said so far. If he was, he would be blowing up your phone - regardless of his long shifts. He actually texted me 1st, its the reason i have his number. He also initiated the 1st date.
angel.eyes Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 You're totally missing the point! In dating, the clock resets after you actually meet. From your description, since your only date, you've initiated all the texting? He'll go along and respond, but then abruptly drop it. You're the one rearranging your schedule to try and make this second date happen. What would happen if you didn't initiate texting or other communication now? Would he ever contact you? I have chased a guy and it ended in heartbreak,... That's why we are cautioning you about chasing him. Just because you thought you had great date and a great connection, doesn't automatically mean he feels the same. It's crystal clear you're very invested and will put in the effort to turn this into something. From his actions, he's less than enthused. Out of curiosity, what day of the week was your first date? 1
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 26, 2017 Author Posted February 26, 2017 You're totally missing the point! In dating, the clock resets after you actually meet. From your description, since your only date, you've initiated all the texting? He'll go along and respond, but then abruptly drop it. You're the one rearranging your schedule to try and make this second date happen. What would happen if you didn't initiate texting or other communication now? Would he ever contact you? That's why we are cautioning you about chasing him. Just because you thought you had great date and a great connection, doesn't automatically mean he feels the same. It's crystal clear you're very invested and will put in the effort to turn this into something. From his actions, he's less than enthused. Out of curiosity, what day of the week was your first date? This is why im asking, no i do not want to do anymore chasing, my last ex exhausted me emotionally and i never want to do that again. We went on the date Sunday.
angel.eyes Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 Is that a day you're normally free? You said you work weekends. I know you're excited and you want to do everything possible to make this work, but you need to check that he feels the same way. Step back a little bit, and see whether he initiates.
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Is that a day you're normally free? You said you work weekends. I know you're excited and you want to do everything possible to make this work, but you need to check that he feels the same way. Step back a little bit, and see whether he initiates. When I told him when I may be free, he said he was free. I would not be working this hard to find someone to cover, unless he responded positively to us having a date. Changing shifts at my work can be a pain, so I'm going to go through all that trouble for nothing. Btw we were able to go out on Sunday because he came to the city for a weekend event. He was able to stay late, as he had the next day off. Otherwise we have conflicting schedules. Edited February 27, 2017 by Ilovelifeforwhatcome
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