Mike19 Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so please move it if it doesn't go here. My question for everyone is, how soon after a breakup, did you FINALLY feel good/ok enough to start dating again? For me, I've been out of my relationship for like a year and a half now, I feel this past November I finally started feeling good to date again, and really started talking to women more.
Abhainn Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so please move it if it doesn't go here. My question for everyone is, how soon after a breakup, did you FINALLY feel good/ok enough to start dating again? For me, I've been out of my relationship for like a year and a half now, I feel this past November I finally started feeling good to date again, and really started talking to women more. I think that it is highly personal. Some people feel the need to date fairly quickly afterwards. I've never been one of them. It sounds like you took plenty of time and if you feel ready, then you probably are. If you aren't, you'll find out when you try again, and can work from there. Dating is not an all or nothing proposition. You can dip your toe in, so to speak, and see how the water is. It sounds like you really have healed. I'm also wondering, because it sounds like you feel like you need validation for your decision in posting this here or some sign that this is normal (I think it is), and I'm wondering why that is? And what it would be like to trust your own judgment about yourself? (And to answer your question, the magic number seems to be a year or so before I am ready, and another year or so before I meet someone with the qualities of the shyness and intellectual curiosity that I really go for...so in reality, more like two years.)
Author Mike19 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 I think that it is highly personal. Some people feel the need to date fairly quickly afterwards. I've never been one of them. It sounds like you took plenty of time and if you feel ready, then you probably are. If you aren't, you'll find out when you try again, and can work from there. Dating is not an all or nothing proposition. You can dip your toe in, so to speak, and see how the water is. It sounds like you really have healed. I'm also wondering, because it sounds like you feel like you need validation for your decision in posting this here or some sign that this is normal (I think it is), and I'm wondering why that is? And what it would be like to trust your own judgment about yourself? (And to answer your question, the magic number seems to be a year or so before I am ready, and another year or so before I meet someone with the qualities of the shyness and intellectual curiosity that I really go for...so in reality, more like two years.) I guess I'm posting this to see what others think, I think for me with my last ex, things happened so quickly and we connected from the start. lately, most of the people I talk to I honestly don't connect with at all, I'm not saying dating is hard(especially if it's casual or friend with benefit type of thing) but I never realized how hard it actually is finding people you REALLY connect with
Abhainn Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 I guess I'm posting this to see what others think, I think for me with my last ex, things happened so quickly and we connected from the start. lately, most of the people I talk to I honestly don't connect with at all, I'm not saying dating is hard(especially if it's casual or friend with benefit type of thing) but I never realized how hard it actually is finding people you REALLY connect with Yes!!! If you are looking for an easy and shallow thing, it probably isn't hard. But if you're looking for someone with whom you can share a really deep understanding of each other and who really wants that same deep connection. That is hard! Even more so (and I say this without bitterness, without judgment, but simply in acknowledgment of current research) if you are an intelligent woman. Though with that said, it is hard for everybody, I think. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do share in your frustration trying to find something more meaningful!
Cornelius_Smiff Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I guess I'm posting this to see what others think, I think for me with my last ex, things happened so quickly and we connected from the start. lately, most of the people I talk to I honestly don't connect with at all, I'm not saying dating is hard(especially if it's casual or friend with benefit type of thing) but I never realized how hard it actually is finding people you REALLY connect with Sometimes connections just happen and others it can seem like an eternity, but that's also why they are incredibly wonderful experiences because they are not every day. I am currently 3 months post what is the most painful experience of my life. I lost someone who I had the deepest connection with and had it literally from the moment we first met (I am not one of these love at first sight people either) and I felt it instantly. I cannot explain it but it just happens. Unfortunately, as you can see it was not meant to be and here we are. Ironically the last serious relationship I had before this was all wrong for me and although that was less painful, it was maybe 7 months until I felt comfortable dating or talking to other women again. This time I was doing it after 2 months and it feels great. I think although this breakup is a million times more difficult than my last big one, I am more mature, more in tune with my own self worth and most of all, I am adamant that I will love again and be loved. Everybody is different though, there is no set time. It will be a long time before the scars of this breakup cease to hurt, but I know I will always have those scars. This time though, I am not shutting myself off and I am enjoying meeting people. Best advice, just go with the flow and don't force anything. When you least expect that next connection could just happen.
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