smile95 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Who has stuck to NC and how are you now? Did it take a while to get over the urges to call? DO you feel better now that this person is out of your life? Do the feelings of love fade too if you do not contact them? Just wondering.......sad today and as much as I want to call him. I am not. I know that I have built up this man in my head during this time apart and if I call I will be let down, as always.....
ciara12step Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 im a male, and we broke up a month ago .. i would do the no contact thing for like 5-7 days but then break it .. its like the hardest thing ever to do ... it hurts as hell .. everytime i do call tho, she does talk to me and always picks up .. so it does make me feel a lil better .. i try to have her tell me that "you will never see us together in the future" .. and she can never tell me that .. which makes me think she might want to, she always says that she only knows what she feels today .. i try to stay busy but its so tuff .. everyone is different when it comes to NC .. NC seems to be the best way .. but man is it hard .. but yea on your situation .. as hard as it is .. it's best to keep the NC going .. cuz then sooner or later they'll start missing u some way , and if they dont , it really wasnt meant to be .. but you know your man more then any of us .. and if u feel u know how he's gonna act when u contact him , and its bad .. then dont
JS17 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 i went through about 2 months of email contact with my ex when we broke up. i told him i couldn't talk to him on the phone anymore less than a month after we broke up because it was too hard to hear his voice. so after about 2 months of contact post-breakup i cut it off. about 2 months later my phone rang, it saw that it was him on caller ID, i didn't answer and it was the best thing i ever did. it gave me power back. i haven't had any contact with him since march and i don't want to at this point. he's in love with the woman that he left me for. i don't want him to know how or what i'm doing because he doesn't deserve to know me anymore. i do hope that one day i'll feel differently and i'll be able to forgive him enough to the point where we can exchange the occasional phone call because he was once an important part of my life but not now.
Author smile95 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 wow that is great that you had such contol I know that I want to do NC to get him out of my life. My hope is shot. I have waited for him and let a lot slide and we decided to be just friends and he is taking me for granted and I sit and wait for that phone to ring and it does not. I am not calling him anymore. I want to be happy again and I know that he cannot do this for me anymore. He "says" he loves me but does not show it. I told him Fri I got a new job and he said I could call after his mtg and I did and left a few msgs this wkend and no reply. I hate him. I feel so rejected. This is a cycle that goes on for 3 yrs now. I am doing NC as of today and not falling for his crap anymore. I just hope that it gets easier and then urges go away. I did NC for a month with him once and we ended up talkin again and nothing changed. I do love him and he loves me in his own way, but he treats me badly. So selfish. I just want out. So I am counting on NC to really work for me this time. Like I said, I have no hope left. To him, this will be business as usual until he sees I really am not calling!
Marshbear Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Like I said, I have no hope left. Beth, Believe it or not this is a positive step. Realizing that the hope of a relationship is not going to happen with your ex is the first step to freedom. See, you ARE on the road to independence....
Author smile95 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 well that's the best news I have heard all day! After 2.5 yrs f hope, I guess it was time to realize that I have to give up
JS17 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 he sounds like some of the guys that i've dated...he sounds like a coward. actions speak louder than words, remember that always! he's not treating you nicely and i know it's hard to not just ignore that and walk away but you have to for your on emotional well being, not to mention your dignity. NC is sooooo hard...it wasn't easy for me with him and i'm still having urges to call the most recent guy that i dated so even for someone who has done this many times before it's still hard. you'll get to the point where you won't want to anymore, you just have to sweat out those days that you want to. the other day i was wanting to call the most recent guy and i came on here and posted a vent. then i spent some time with my friends. it helped a little but it's still my struggle. keep busy and start getting yourself in the habit of not thinking about him. every time he pops into your head think about something else....work, pets, family, friends, how you really need to clean out your closet or take out the garbage, anything else!
Rosalind Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 i don't want him to know how or what i'm doing because he doesn't deserve to know me anymore Word.
Author smile95 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 I feel like just when I start to feel better with NC he calls. usually about a month later. I know that I deserve better and hope to God that this is not love It hurts too much. It is almost an obsession to call him at this point. when he does not answer, I go into a rage and keep trying. But if I never would have called to begin with, I am fine. So that is the key. Just stop calling him. I know I can do it. I have before. It is just realizing that reality is his actions do not back his words that is hard on me and my heart. I thought he was such a great man and now I am crushed and so are my dreams with him
Author smile95 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 8 wks huh? We are LD, so the only habit I have to break is hearing "i love you" (on the rare days he decides to call me)over the phone and dreaming of a future together. Mylife really will not change much. It is all in my head that needs to change.
JS17 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 that's what always hurts when you date a "bad" guy...crushed hopes and dreams....that's what you're missing, not him and it's so important that you're realizing that. you do deserve better and you'll find it one day. you're definitely on the right path. my suggestion would be to not call him but if you happen to answer his call (and do everything you can to not answer his calls) say something like, i want us to be friends somewhere down the line but for now please don't call because i need some time and cut it short!!!
Author smile95 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 I do not think he will call, but if he does, I will either not answer or tell him that. We have tried friends and that did not work. So if I do answer, I will just tell him that I need time. It is hard since we were together over 3 yrs. But I know I gave all I could. He will either realize Iam seriuos and make a change or it will not even phase him and I will never hear from him again. How can a man be so selfish? We are so opposite! All Iever wanted from him was a little concern and interest in my life. I had to ASK for calls after imp days or appts and even then, he did not call me right away. I hope that the right man will consider my feelings. At least now I will be able to recognize those that do not!Although with him, he was great the 1st 6 months and then i saw the real him
amytct Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 First, a brief recap: My boyfriend of three years dumped me via the silent treatment in March. I was really hurt, depressed, angry, my emotions ran the gamut. I wanted to contact him many times, but I knew he wouldn't answer me and it would make me feel worse, so I kept busy and with each passing week, I felt stronger and most importantly, happier. It's now been close to four months since I was dumped and I'm moving on. Last week, I finally found my first professional position and will be moving to Denver, Colorado next month. This is a new beginning for me and I've never been happier.
Author smile95 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 amytct-that is awesome! I am starting a new job in a few wks and I want a new start. Mine does the silent treatment too and it eats me alive. How did you cope? Didn't you ahve unanswered questions? Did you ever try and call him??? Good luck with your job!
amytct Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Hi Beth, The silent treatment is the worst way to break up with someone and quite frankly, it's a form of emotional abuse. And after three years, I deserved better. He just didn't want to deal with the fallout and took the coward's way out of the relationship. I had lots of unanswered questions, but I came to a point where I had to accept that I was never going to get a resolution from him and that I had to accept the situation and move on. I have a job I love (it's bittersweet for me right now to know I'll be leaving the position in a few weeks -- not enough money given the fact that I now have my master's degree) and in many respects, the routine of going to my job every day saved me. After a few days immediately after the break up of trying to contact him via e-mail (which was always our primary form of communication, something I hated) and him not answering me, I essentially saw that it was pointless and gave up. He had shown through his actions that he didn't give a whit about me any more, so why would I would to spend my time and energy trying to talk to him? Now that I'm moving, I admit I've had a couple moments where I think I should send him some kind of "farewell letter," but those thoughts quickly pass. He moved on a long time ago and it's high time I follow his lead and do the same.
Author smile95 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Wow -amy That is great. I have that same urge to call, but I knw he wil l not respond.We were alos together 3 yrs and it is hard. My memories keep coming back! How long did oyu cry? I have this pit in my stomach and think like "Maybe if I try this, he will change" What did you tell yourself to not want to contact anymore? I am having a hard time letting go of the future we planned. thanks for your story!
onelifetolive Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 i guess every situation is different but NC really does help the healing process start when things go into a painful cycle of suffering and we didnt have kids so i dont know how that would affect things if i did My wife left me may 2004, we married for 5 years and together 7 total, after trying to work things out and having her make me suffer for 4 horrible months, I realized she wasnt worried about me and that there was no point in keeping contact and i havent seen or spoken with her directly since - its been almost 1 year. She hasnt tried to contact me either and i did travel for 6 months in this period so that helped heal things up too. Its not easy after loving someone so much but I highly recomend NC - but dont use it as a revenge tactic or a game - do it for yourself and it will give you strength and speed up the healing process. I feel about 90% myself again but sometimes i hit some little bumps in the road. its so true that time heals so hang in there! just remember that if someone doesent want to be with you - why would you want to be with them! good luck everyone!
Jeannie Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 My ex was the master at pulling the silent treatment - it got him nowhere. The silent treatment is for people who like to torture others. Someone who truly loves you would never want to intentionally torture you by refusing to give in or talk things out. My ex was divorced three times - now I know why. No one wants to put up with his games and immaturity. You'd think someone who's 47 would be over all that by now - and he complains about being single and not having a wife........... Dumb idiot - guess it's pretty silent on his end now since I'm gone!
Author smile95 Posted August 1, 2005 Author Posted August 1, 2005 jeannie-mine did the silent treatement ALL the time and we were LD. SO he would just not answer or not call. IT KILLED ME! He knew this! Why do they do it? He would always wait until Iforgot why I was mad to begin with and then I would just be so happy that he called agian. I think he knew what he was doing!
LongFor8SpotlessMind Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 just remember that if someone doesent want to be with you - why would you want to be with them! Thanks, onelifetolive, your words make me feel stronger. I've been doing NC for 3 weeks, and lately I was constantly having this nightmare and had a hard time to go back to sleep each time. They were all the same, I saw my ex, painfully wanting him back, he either looked at me motionless or sometimes he just talked to another girl right next to him and ignored me. I am so looking forward to getting out of this heart-breaking mess, NC or no NC would be no longer of my concern, and I can be a fresh person all over again. But just how long I can get over this, I can't wait.......
Recommended Posts