Do I trust him and re kindle what we had or do I move on??

[c0nfused101]

Okay so I don’t know what kind of problem this is but I just need a little bit of advice. There is this guy at work who is two years younger than myself (I am 18 and he is 16) and he really has the hots for me.

 

A few months ago there was a bet that he could get it on with me at a work party. That didn’t happen and then at the next work party they went double or nothing. I found out about both bets and kind of brushed them off because nothing happened and it really didn’t bother me.

 

Then a bit later, he came to me and told me that he actually really did like me, bets aside. I kind of shut it down because I like to keep my work and personal life separate. He said all of these random things about him quitting so we could be together but I brushed them off.

 

Then on New years he invited me over. I kind of went over out of pity because I had already told him I wasn’t doing anything else with my New Years. I went over and it was himself, his friend, little brother and Mum. It was kind of awkward but also not awkward. After having a few little drinks, we went down to Mooloolaba for the midnight fireworks. All night I was telling him that I wouldn’t be kissing him on midnight because nothing could happen between us. Then as midnight hit, we were all sitting on the beach in a group and he put his arm around me and said “If you aren’t going to kiss me, we are at least going to cuddle”. It was the most awkward experience of my entire life. I kind of kept shuffling away from him but he kept coming with me. Very very strange, especally because his little brother and friends were sitting right there. The end of the night came around and we all left.

 

Now we’ve been talking for a while and hanging out a bit and I have told him a fair few times that nothing can happen between us because we work together and I’m his boss. Once everyone at work heard about us hanging out and chatting they haven’t let up about it. He struggles to keep his mouth shut about things as well. Every single time we hung out, I’d go into work the next day and everyone would know that we’d hung out because he told them. I know he was probably just excited because we were hanging out and there was potential that something might happen but come on, not everyone has to know everything.

 

Last week, I had just had enough of it all and I sent him a massive paragraph explaining everything and he took it really well. I wasn’t going to put it in but here is the paragraph.

 

- Anything could happen from here and I don't want to be rude or ruin the fact that we are a great team (that snap streak tho). This is just everything that has been on my mind. But you are a really great guy but this really can't go any further than being friends. This has absolutely nothing to do with the whole manager meeting thing or anything like that, it is just that I think that things might be and definitely were getting a little out of hand (calmed down about lately though). I understand that we would both be able to keep it professional when we are at work but if the past few weeks are anything to judge it by, other people definitely can’t. We work together which is something that I just wouldn't be able to get past, especially because I am pretty much your boss. Although things aren't weird there currently I wouldn't want them to be or turn into one of those Georgia and Kels situations (I am also pretty scared that things will get weird after you read this).

 

- I have also heard so many things about you getting it on with past girlfriends, random girls, etc. whilst also claiming to really like me. I’m not fussed because obviously nothing is happening between us that is 100% set in stone, it is just very weirdddd.

 

- Everything I hear about you, your interest in me, and all of that jazz is from one or another person from work. I know that it is the classic boy thing to not be able to open up and chat about things but if you can talk to Paris about me, why can't you talk to me about me?

 

He then replied with:

 

- I didn't want to talk to you about you because i felt like it would come across as weird to you or something to you.

 

- alot of weird stuff has happened of late regarding females in my life. My ex and I had this really off and on thing, more like casual sex which felt so weird after a while. I don't even talk to her now. And i made some jokes to a few close mates about stuff happening with girls (Alex ect..) which they obviously took seriously and told everyone else.

 

- I really do like you and even if its not a relationship i still love hanging out with you and being myself. Don't worry about things getting weird. I promise they won't

 

I feel like he understands that we can only be friends even though he still kind of pushes for something else (in conversations following the paragraphs there were a lot of sexual innuendos and things, which don’t bother me it is just crossing that friendship line that I am trying to make clear. I did tell him that as well). People from work have told me that he really does like me and wants to be in a relationship with me. Then after sending the paragraph and having a chat to him about it all, I kind of had a bit of a “Oh my goodness what if I really actually do like him” moment.

 

In the massive paragraph I said something about his ex’s and other girls, as whilst he was claiming to really like me there were rumours flying around about him having sex with other girls. He said that there were things happening with himself and his ex but it was all cut off and that they don’t even talk to each other anymore. I have just been scrolling through Facebook the last couple of days and seriously every second post is him commenting his ex on something or vice versa. She also comments on all of his photos and things too. Then I had a chat to his little brother the other day who said she was around at the their house a few days earlier. I just don’t know whether or not to trust him or not because he denies the whole thing but obviously he is still talking to her.

 

I also don’t want to bring it up because we aren’t in a relationship or anything so it isn’t like it is any of my business who he talks to or doesn’t talk to.

 

Everyone that I have already gotten advice off thinks I should just unfriend him, block him and cut everything off, but he is a really nice guy and I love being friends with him and hanging out I just don’t know where to draw the line with it all. And if I do end up in a relationship with him, which I feel like I might, I don’t know if I could trust him.

 

Then a few nights ago I went out and got pretty drunk and made a decision (that I thought was an amazing one) to call him. I told him that I really really liked him which I really do but said that the only thing holding me back was that he was lying to me. He denied it and then one of my drunk friends took the phone off of me and proceeded to talk to him about how he couldn’t be friends with his ex if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He is always tagging hi ex in things on facebook and stuff and sometime I do think “hey that would probably be super weird if we were in a relationship and he still did that” but I really ave no problem (at the moment) with him being friends with her. He has stopped talking to me after that phone call, we snapchat every now and then but we don’t talk like we use to. I want to talk to him and let him know that I think it is great that he is still friends with his ex and that it really doesn’t concern me. Ultimately I just want things to go back to how they were..

[spiderowl]

Oh dear, this is really complicated. It seems you like the guy but don't trust him. I get the feeling this is behind why you try to get it to be a friends-only relationship but that don't know where to draw the line. If you really just wanted to be friends, you would have no problem drawing a line.

 

If he has not pursued you since he was told he could not be friends with his ex and be your boyfriend, then that suggests he does still have a strong attachment to his ex - or at least to maintaining a friendship with her. I don't think you trust this attachment to her.

 

It seems a very muddled situation. I would steer clear unless you are absolutely sure he has moved on from his ex. If he is a 'going back and forth' type of guy, you would be in for a nightmare relationship. If you do want to keep this 'just friends', then you need to imagine him as repulsive in some way so that you would know how to maintain barriers.

 

Finally, he does not seem to be able to keep confidences at work so he would be a dodgy person to get involved with from that point of view. It could all backfire rather badly if a relationship with him did not work out and he started spreading gossip.

[leogirl876]

My lifelong learning lesson is, if I don't trust a guy, there's a reason, and I've never been wrong! Go with your gut!