Prettyinblack Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Surprised? Hell, yeah. Well, there has been a bit of a change since my last post, you guys. We broke up tonight.....weird how I posted tonight before he got here after work. I don't know if seeing someone else, but, tonight when he walked in, I told him that I have been offered to work with an old guitar player of mine and he freaked out. Not at first, but was distant and cold when we went out for dinner but when I asked him what was wrong, the reply was "oh, nothing." He is a musician as well and has wanted me to work with him but his schedule is so nuts these days, there has hardly been any time for a relationship, never mind rehearsing for a new band thing. Anyway, the tension stayed high all evening and finally after dinner, it began to unravel. We were out for a drink at a local pub and the subject came up again about my playing with this particular guitar player and it got heated. I said to him I would really like to go home and not get into this tonight but he persisted until we left. Then, while in the van, I said to him, "Marty, I don't know what is up with you tonight, but you're cold and distant and I know it's about my playing with so & so. It makes me feel nervous and uncomfortable...what's up?" Anyway, we get to my house and he doesn't take off his boots and I asked him why and he said "because I'm not staying. I have a problem with you working with this guy and you know I want you to play with me.....I have made my desires known etc." I told him that his schedule doesn't allow for rehearsal with me...he is rehearsing with two other bands, plus working a day gig etc. I said that all we have been seeing eachother is one night a week and that is Saturdays and I'm not playing guitar with him when I would rather have a relationship on that day. This has been an issue since we began talking about buying a house together. Then he said, "I have no intention of getting into a financial partnership with you or living with you. It's not going to happen." From there, I told him that I am not surprised, that his commitment issues come up, and he isn't interested in seeing someone to talk it out and I am only one person. I can't row the boat on my own. I said that his fear gets out of control and that I read the book "Men Who Can't Commit and the Women Who Love them" years ago and he is textbook. And then I said that he isn't capable. The conversation went on for another 15 minutes or so and he said Good Luck and I said "you too" and out he walked. That's it...just like that. Before he left, I told him that I would be listing my house this week and that I would be moving on with my life. That is my future and the only thing I know . He can't get over my playing with this guitar player. Well, I can't sleep and I hate him but don't, if you know what I mean. And I STILL think, oh, maybe he's really pissed and will get over it, but I don't think so. This really sucks and hurts like Hell. I left him a message after he left saying that "his timing was, once again, impeccable." Saturday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death and I was bummed to begin with. He knew that. Nothing like being kicked when you're down. Nice.
shamen Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 Sorry that that happened to you! God, what a bad day in combo with the anniversary of your mom's death. Really sorry. What's the situation now?
Mr.positive Posted August 19, 2005 Posted August 19, 2005 When it rains it poors. I'm sorry to here that. Is there a history behind this guitar player? You have to do your music. If hes going to be with you he has to deal with it.
Author Prettyinblack Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 Hi. I haven't updated for awhile. Four weeks tomorrow and everything still sucks. It took me a couple of days to put it "all together", in terms of what I think happened. My guy and I know all the same people in town when it comes to playing music and I have been friends with all of them separate from him and he has been friends with all of them separate from me. Well, there is another guitar player, I'll call 'Bill" to save from confusion, and he and I speak on the phone every couple of weeks or so and he confides in me about his g/f and I do about my guy. So, we are having this conversation about living common-in-law, discussing how he feels about moving in with his g/f and about my guy and myself. He asks why my guy just doesn't move in with me and I say, "yeah, that would be a great idea". And then he asks if my guy could rent out his house etc. and the conversation was really light hearted and he said, "if your guy ever wnats to rent out his house, let me know: I'd rent it>" I laughed and said "yeah, you'll be the first to know after me! lol" Well, he repeats the conversation to another mutual friend of my guy and myself who also happens to be my guy's mechanic and...........the WHOLE FREAKIN' story was repeated except, it was said like this....'So, I hear you're moving into Tracey's and Bill's renting out your house, eh?" Yeah. That's what happened. So, after I get this hunch, I call 'Bill' and ask him if he repeated the conversation to the mechanic guy and get this answer..."gee, I dunno...maybe,........." You can imagine my reaction. I was so angry but kept my cool. He then calls me later and says, "yeah, just spoke with the mechanic and you were right." So, that is where it stands today. NC, no nothing and I am feeling worse than I felt the night it happened. I am not going to contact my b/f but wait it out, because there are still committment issues going on here. These two clowns just pushed the issue over the top. Kinda like dangling a man from the Brooklyn Bridge when he is afraid of heights! lol. What a drag. I hope my guy comes to his senses soon.......I'm losing my mind here. And thanks for the posts, guys. I really appreciate it. So, what do you think of the turn of events??
Author Prettyinblack Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 P.S on the last post. By the way, the guitar player that asked me to work with him in a duo NEVER called! Go figure....
shamen Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 God, it sounds like it just keeps getting worse!! Ugh! So you've not heard from your bf at all? Wow. Somehow it doesn't seem like that should have been the end of it. I'm curious, why have you not called at all? It's been 4 weeks. Is it because he said that he didn't want to have a financial partnership with you? Figures that the guy who wanted you to play with him in the duo didn't call! To add insult to injury.
Author Prettyinblack Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 I am thinking about calling him but he was soooo angry the night we broke up. I felt like I didn't know him. You know the feeling you get when something is going on and you're the only one who isn't in 'the know?'. That's how I felt. And my insecurities are up, big time. He doesn't know that I have put it all together about the 'talking' that has been going on/ With friends like that, who the heck needs enemies? Anyway, I am trying to get my courage up. I just don't know what has been said exactly, just that is has triggered him, big time.
shamen Posted August 20, 2005 Posted August 20, 2005 Sounds like you should just call the man. You want to, I'm sure he's thinking about you. I don't really get why he went so off the deep end about you playing with that other guy... I mean, regardless of one's personal feelings about the person, music hopefully should be about professionalism to a degree. Jeez. I bet you that he wonders how the whole thing got so out of control too. So, he was triggered again into anger by the conversation about Bill? Sounds like you probably should just try to clear the air and get some answers for yourself without all of the go betweens. I assume that you would like to get back with him?
Author Prettyinblack Posted August 20, 2005 Author Posted August 20, 2005 Here I am second guessing again, but I think it was easier for him to get upset about my playing with another guitar player instead of addressing what Bill said. That would bring up the entire issue about committment and I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Yes, I want him back but I feel afraid of what response I will get when I do try to talk to him. I just wish he would call me but he is not a strong communicator.
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