SoleMate Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 Honestly, he strikes me as more than just a flake and/or poor planner - he strikes me as someone looking for an extramarital hookup. (And how convenient if he has a regular hookup for his business travel location!) Hence the need for timing on his bizarre schedule (last minute "date" requested during ordinary workday). An authentic and honest single man who was interested would obviously be willing to work together to find a reasonable and mutually acceptable time - whereas a wannabe-cheater MM can't due to his extreme constraints. Hence cutting this one loose is no loss whatsoever. 4
Author selinaluv Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Wow that is way too pushy!. You can't ask someone you met 48 hours ago to drop and meet you like a booty call and get snarky when they suggest planning ahead. the way he responded "hopefully" .... was that necessary? Yeah, I think the answer is becoming more and more clear. He also referenced a few times (joking he said) that I was being a "party pooper" because I couldn't meet up. If I have to then explain to him why I can't drop things at a moments notice, then this is a problem. I did respond to his text asking what I was up to with "hanging with my friends and family". I have not received a response and I imagine he will give up. It is so frustrating. I also had a planned coffee date Sunday morning scheduled with a man and he just unmatched me (yeah Tinder I know, but just coffee). I have not heard from him since Wednesday and I have no desire to text him and hunt him down. I just turned lukewarm on the date at best. This flakiness and randomness is getting to be too much. 2
Author selinaluv Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Honestly, he strikes me as more than just a flake and/or poor planner - he strikes me as someone looking for an extramarital hookup. (And how convenient if he has a regular hookup for his business travel location!) Hence the need for timing on his bizarre schedule (last minute "date" requested during ordinary workday). An authentic and honest single man who was interested would obviously be willing to work together to find a reasonable and mutually acceptable time - whereas a wannabe-cheater MM can't due to his extreme constraints. Hence cutting this one loose is no loss whatsoever. YES! I really had the suspicion from the start. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions. He even mentioned his "god children" often when talking about dealing with kids. I am curious to see what he does now that it is the weekend. He claims he is going skiing with buddies.
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 Meh very unimpressive. When he come to your city often does he stay for days? Weeks? Where does he stay, hotels? Or it's just a day trip and back on same day? Thinking he can nurture a relationship just cause he is in town often is ridiculous. He is just looking for a girl to hook up with.
preraph Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 He claims he wasn't bugged about it, but I am not sure I believe him because his texts held a little bit too much snark to them. The exchange after I asked him when he is in town next actually went like this: Me - Ok that is not too far out. We can make that work. Him - hopefully Me - You don't think I won't make it work? Him - I think you will. Giving you an out Me - Why would you do that? Him - I'm teasing That is an example. And reeks is a strong word, but the more I think about it, the more I think you are right. No, he knows he has no right to be bugged about it and is probably amazed that you are apologizing and been tolerating it at all. Why would he have to "make it work." Because he's juggling.
Noideanow Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 Havent read all the replies but just want to add a comment, People who cant Be spontanious Are usually not much fun but overorganized living for the future, and If in the beginning of a relationship a person cant\wont Be spontaneous i think that points to How it Will Be later on too:cool: And If in a love relationship the priority isnt to Be there for your partner whenever\wherever what is there to build on? And If you think you do Make yourself more attractive to the other person by being almost unavailabe except by phone) Then im afraid your ego is deluding you:confused: Only a person doubting him or herself would have to pretend to Be important by being able to show a calender full*
Author selinaluv Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 (edited) Havent read all the replies but just want to add a comment, People who cant Be spontanious Are usually not much fun but overorganized living for the future, and If in the beginning of a relationship a person cant\wont Be spontaneous i think that points to How it Will Be later on too:cool: And If in a love relationship the priority isnt to Be there for your partner whenever\wherever what is there to build on? And If you think you do Make yourself more attractive to the other person by being almost unavailabe except by phone) Then im afraid your ego is deluding you:confused: Only a person doubting him or herself would have to pretend to Be important by being able to show a calender full* I appreciate your response, but I disagree with this. I am actually by nature an extremely spontaneous person. In my younger years when I had the ability, I was the woman on Friday afternoon who would say let's go somewhere, anywhere for the weekend. But now (through no choice of my own when my ex husband left me and moved out of state), I am alone raising my daughter and balancing a career so I can take care of her and work for her future. Now, with my child I will say to her, let's go somewhere for the weekend. And when I have time and can schedule a night out ensuring my parents or a sitter can watch her, I will have a great time and make plans or call up a guy and girl friend on a whim. But when a man you don't even know and have only spoken to for less than 48 hours is asking you out with less than 5 hours notice and also during regular work hours, that is not asking someone to be spontaneous, that is somewhat in considerate. I am not "pretending" to have my calendar full for my ego. It is full with the realities of day to day life. Many would not want to walk in my shoes. Despite the stresses, for some reason I also desire companionship on occasion and I will gladly schedule time if I can with a day or two notice. As you stated... I am not trying to make myself more attractive by being too busy for anyone. If anything it has been the opposite and there are times I sacrificed and juggled to spend time with a man on short notice and it was a complete waste of time. I learned my lesson. I am fully aware I actually have it that much harder because my situation is undesirable to many. My child come first and my career comes second. I will always make time for the right man, but I also expect him to be respectful of my time and in this case he was not. Edited February 25, 2017 by selinaluv 2
Author selinaluv Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I am bringing this thread up because this guy is still somewhat in the picture. He ended up going home and blew out his knee skiing. He will require surgery and not sure when he will return. I am fine with all this but he continues to text nonstop and call at the most inopportune times. We have not met and I personally have left communication limited. He will text what I am up to, and if I don't respond will call soon after. I guess the bigger issue is I have experienced this with a few men lately. Before we even meet they are blowing up my phone texting nonstop and calling at odd times. The problem is these are also the ones that fade out just as quickly as they come on, but seem to be what I am getting right now. I recently started Plenty of Fish and the men overall seem very aggressive there. I am trying to get it all under control, but this online thing is starting to get out of hand. I suppose this is a continued sign that I am over it. Yet for some reason I can't completely take a break. I am rambling, but such is my mind right now. It is a bit overwhelming.
GemmaUK Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Why don't you just block his number? Any limited responses just give him fuel to contact you more. Either stop replying or block. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I am bringing this thread up because this guy is still somewhat in the picture. He ended up going home and blew out his knee skiing. He will require surgery and not sure when he will return. I am fine with all this but he continues to text nonstop and call at the most inopportune times. We have not met and I personally have left communication limited. He will text what I am up to, and if I don't respond will call soon after. I guess the bigger issue is I have experienced this with a few men lately. Before we even meet they are blowing up my phone texting nonstop and calling at odd times. The problem is these are also the ones that fade out just as quickly as they come on, but seem to be what I am getting right now. I recently started Plenty of Fish and the men overall seem very aggressive there. I am trying to get it all under control, but this online thing is starting to get out of hand. I suppose this is a continued sign that I am over it. Yet for some reason I can't completely take a break. I am rambling, but such is my mind right now. It is a bit overwhelming. This is common in online dating and men will be aggressive. You will have to learn to weed these men out. Heavily texting and then blowing up your phone. I NEVER do this. That's a big no no. I would be leery of the guy showing up from out of town and wants to meet spontaneously. I am going to guess he's trying multiple women to see who strikes 1st if any. Also, there's the factor he's possibly married or in a relationship and looking to have fun. Nothing wrong with having fun, but be aware 3
angel.eyes Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 He sounds very much like a married cheater, especially now that he can't meet you over the weekend but is blowing up your phone with texts. Those are the types who can never quite commit to a specific date in the future, want to meet at the last minute, try to date on weekdays, etc. I also suggest trying something other than POF. It's generally not known for quality. If you fish in a swamp, you would expect bottom dwellers, not salmon or tuna. Dating is no different. Where you choose to look in dating impacts what you get. 1
Author selinaluv Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 He sounds very much like a married cheater, especially now that he can't meet you over the weekend but is blowing up your phone with texts. Those are the types who can never quite commit to a specific date in the future, want to meet at the last minute, try to date on weekdays, etc. I also suggest trying something other than POF. It's generally not known for quality. If you fish in a swamp, you would expect bottom dwellers, not salmon or tuna. Dating is no different. Where you choose to look in dating impacts what you get. Thank you, these are all good points. I do find it interesting he has hurt his knee and not sure when he will be able to visit. He also communicates during the day and called at random times, but weekend he was pretty much MIA. Today I told him I was at an offsite meeting and he proceeds to just text me about donuts and lightbulbs. I have ignored and will be blocking him. I did Match when I started out OLD a few years ago. Have done OKCupid and Tinder in the past here and there. I figured POF is worth a new shot, but this is a whole new level. At least with Tinder I can control who I speak with. I need to start doing more personal meet up groups and hobbies, but time is limited right now. OLD is frustrating, but I also see some values. I have been told I don't need to pay for it, but I do think POF may be scraping the bottom. Any other suggestions?
Author selinaluv Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Why don't you just block his number? Any limited responses just give him fuel to contact you more. Either stop replying or block. I am learning that this is pretty much the only course of action sometimes. I blocked one already yesterday and plan to do the same with this one. I think it comes down to me having a habit of giving them "one more shot" but turns out that never works in the end. 1
spiderowl Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Thank you, these are all good points. I do find it interesting he has hurt his knee and not sure when he will be able to visit. He also communicates during the day and called at random times, but weekend he was pretty much MIA. Today I told him I was at an offsite meeting and he proceeds to just text me about donuts and lightbulbs. I have ignored and will be blocking him. I did Match when I started out OLD a few years ago. Have done OKCupid and Tinder in the past here and there. I figured POF is worth a new shot, but this is a whole new level. At least with Tinder I can control who I speak with. I need to start doing more personal meet up groups and hobbies, but time is limited right now. OLD is frustrating, but I also see some values. I have been told I don't need to pay for it, but I do think POF may be scraping the bottom. Any other suggestions? Sounds like he's married to me. These guys want someone on the hook to chat, share thoughts with, alleviate the boredom of their lives. He is pulling strings when he feels like it. He won't be there for you when you need someone. Whether he has hurt his knee or not, he has some time on his hands at the moment. Does he phone you in evenings or just during the day (it is possible to text quietly at home if you are married but you have to sneak out to phone). You say he is missing in action at the weekends, that is very telling. If he is married and trying to hide his fun, virtual liaison from his wife, he will seem very erratic. I would try phoning him at times when he is quiet and not contacting you. That is when it is likely his significant other is about. See if he answers and what reason he gives for not doing so - that is, if you want to find out whether he is married. His phone ringing at inopportune moments would be very embarrassing for him Basically though, why bother? He is ill-mannered and expects you to be there when he pulls strings. No reasonable, decent guy would expect that.
Author selinaluv Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 (edited) Sounds like he's married to me. These guys want someone on the hook to chat, share thoughts with, alleviate the boredom of their lives. He is pulling strings when he feels like it. He won't be there for you when you need someone. Whether he has hurt his knee or not, he has some time on his hands at the moment. Does he phone you in evenings or just during the day (it is possible to text quietly at home if you are married but you have to sneak out to phone). You say he is missing in action at the weekends, that is very telling. If he is married and trying to hide his fun, virtual liaison from his wife, he will seem very erratic. I would try phoning him at times when he is quiet and not contacting you. That is when it is likely his significant other is about. See if he answers and what reason he gives for not doing so - that is, if you want to find out whether he is married. His phone ringing at inopportune moments would be very embarrassing for him Basically though, why bother? He is ill-mannered and expects you to be there when he pulls strings. No reasonable, decent guy would expect that. It's not even worth it to me. He showed he only plays by his rules and made it clear to me today when I told him I was going to be at an all hands meeting and he disregarded my request that I would be busy and continued to text. I told him he lived too far and he even disregarded that. I don't care to find out his story and avoided his calls. I just blocked and deleted him. I am learning more and more to cut dead weight and move on. It is kind of a sad way to be, but you have to these days. Edited March 3, 2017 by selinaluv 1
angel.eyes Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Agreed. Cut him off since he's not a match and is just wasting your time. As for which OLD sites and apps work best? That varies by geography, but POF is pretty much always scraping the bottom regardless of where you live. OK Cupid is pretty decent in my area. I have a couple of friends who met their spouses using it. But for the most part, paid sites yield far better results. Outside of OLD, what do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies? Any that involve lots of interaction with men? (E.g. coed sports, cycling club) Thank you, these are all good points. I do find it interesting he has hurt his knee and not sure when he will be able to visit. He also communicates during the day and called at random times, but weekend he was pretty much MIA. Today I told him I was at an offsite meeting and he proceeds to just text me about donuts and lightbulbs. I have ignored and will be blocking him. I did Match when I started out OLD a few years ago. Have done OKCupid and Tinder in the past here and there. I figured POF is worth a new shot, but this is a whole new level. At least with Tinder I can control who I speak with. I need to start doing more personal meet up groups and hobbies, but time is limited right now. OLD is frustrating, but I also see some values. I have been told I don't need to pay for it, but I do think POF may be scraping the bottom. Any other suggestions?
Author selinaluv Posted March 4, 2017 Author Posted March 4, 2017 Agreed. Cut him off since he's not a match and is just wasting your time. As for which OLD sites and apps work best? That varies by geography, but POF is pretty much always scraping the bottom regardless of where you live. OK Cupid is pretty decent in my area. I have a couple of friends who met their spouses using it. But for the most part, paid sites yield far better results. Outside of OLD, what do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies? Any that involve lots of interaction with men? (E.g. coed sports, cycling club) Yes I can see POF casts the net pretty wide. I am going to try it for a change of pace, but I see that OKCupid is better prospects. I did have some success there. Honestly Match yielded the same results as the rest and I am not sure it is worth the money. LOL I was rejected from eHarmony once and it left a bad taste. I have several hobbies hiking, horseback riding, theater, sporting events (I love watching sports and many men are obsessed with that fact) but finding time to consistently do them is tough. I live in an area where most men are married, so I need to venture toward the cities for more single men. I would love to try a single parents group that may or may not involve the kids. Just wondering if this is a good avenue.
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