Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Sorry for the wall of text! Well, we met in a game and instantly hit it off. We have been texting each other for a few months now and we've been talking pretty intimately. Nothing sexual though. She has shown great interest in me and my life and i've been really interested in her as well. She seems to want to be in contact with me all the time (especially the morning and before bed). She's made me feel like i'm very important to her and she's happy when we talk. She's clued me in on her having a rough childhood (basically told me some of it as well) and some bad boyfriends so she's cautious. Naturally i've grown to like this girl and i've pretty much told her so, and she kind of feels something too, but she is cautious and wants me to prove myself. Well, that's all fine and good. I have no problem with that as i know i'm not a bastard who would abandon a girl like that. Or so i thought at least.. The next part is where i'm becoming a bit disillusioned and wonder what to do next. She's told me she wants to keep no secrets from me and hates the thought of me having bad thoughts about her. I know about her having a troubled childhood so i flat out said i'll ask her none of that and she'll have to be the one volunteering it when she feels comfortable enough, and i'll listen intently. She basically laughed about my thoughtfulness and said i don't need to be so thoughtful. Then we both went to sleep. Next day i wake up to a message about her day being weird in a crazy way. Naturally i ask her what has happened and added something about something else. She utterly ignored me asking her whats happened and only responded to the other thing. Less than 10 messages and 6 hours ago she told me she trusts me and wants to keep no secrets from me and that i can ask her anything i want, so i basically just ask her again (I can't stand it when people double back or lie to me) but again she just ignored it completely. I'm pretty disappointed in her and don't really know how to proceed here. I've avoided saying anything to her since as i fear i will be too direct and hurt her when this might all be nothing. But she hasn't said a word to me either so it's a record for both. What do you think would be the right course here? I do want to give her the benefit of a doubt, but i honestly don't know. Edited February 24, 2017 by Klementin
smackie9 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 What to do, you leave her alone. We can only speculate what happened. IMO you don't text someone for months or you just become their emotional tamp0/penpal, putting you into the friends zone. If you like someone you point blank as them out on a date and get to know them that way. If they make excuses then they have no intention of being romantically involved with you. You then promptly move on. 2
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Drop it. How come you have not met yet? How long has this been going on ?
Ronnys93 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Honestly, I feel like you've done everything right so far from what you've wrote. However, I do think that she may just be a drama queen that's playing you. There's a lot of people who will give you bits and pieces of the drama in their lives, sometimes true or not. Then they will suck you in and have you feeling sorry for them. I think when she told you that you didn't have to be "so thoughtful" she knew she had you hooked. Now what she's going to do is have you worry about her and get all wrapped up in whatever drama she is planning. I would seriously proceed with caution. She doesn't sound like she has the best intentions if I'm being honest with you.
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Only a couple of months. The distance is the deal here. But she said has been willing to move if something were to happen (of course after meeting a few times in person). But i can't really date someone i don't trust. This doesn't generate trust for me, like at all.
Ronnys93 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Only a couple of months. The distance is the deal here. But she said has been willing to move if something were to happen (of course after meeting a few times in person). But i can't really date someone i don't trust. This doesn't generate trust for me, like at all. If you haven't even planned an actual meeting yet, then talks of moving are not really substantial. You need to meet with her until you both actually get to know each other in person. Like I said in my other post, I truly think she's spinning you into her emotional drama. Be cautious. I'd honestly drop it, your gut is telling you something. 1
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Only a couple of months. The distance is the deal here. But she said has been willing to move if something were to happen (of course after meeting a few times in person). But i can't really date someone i don't trust. This doesn't generate trust for me, like at all. Relationships are built face to face. You don't build trust over text. If you want to know who she really is then go meet her. Do NOT invest a year into this without meeting her, it's all time wasted. 2
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 If you haven't even planned an actual meeting yet, then talks of moving are not really substantial. You need to meet with her until you both actually get to know each other in person. Like I said in my other post, I truly think she's spinning you into her emotional drama. Be cautious. I'd honestly drop it, your gut is telling you something. I've had that suspicion myself. But is it fair though to just drop her without actually confronting her? If she messages me tomorrow then i'll have to write something back. I don't like being an ******* and she may or may not play me.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I've had that suspicion myself. But is it fair though to just drop her without actually confronting her? If she messages me tomorrow then i'll have to write something back. I don't like being an ******* and she may or may not play me. Confronting is a strong word. In relationships we have conversations. Have you ever spoken on the phone? 1
Ronnys93 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I've had that suspicion myself. But is it fair though to just drop her without actually confronting her? If she messages me tomorrow then i'll have to write something back. I don't like being an ******* and she may or may not play me. That's up to you. I will say that if this is what she is doing, then she will LIKELY come up with an excuse to keep you attached or be extremely cold towards you. Just be smart about your decision, but honestly I think your suspicions are right.
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Confronting is a strong word. In relationships we have conversations. Have you ever spoken on the phone? Well, it wasn't meant like that. She did tell me to ask her anything and that she would always be honest with me and basically went back on her word the very next day. Either as a potential bf or a friend, this needs to be resolved. I just haven't made up my mind the best way to tell her that i'm disappointed. But anyway, her lack of messages after this might say that she's out anyway or realize she's done something bad. We'll see i guess. That's up to you. I will say that if this is what she is doing, then she will LIKELY come up with an excuse to keep you attached or be extremely cold towards you. Just be smart about your decision, but honestly I think your suspicions are right. If she's cold after this then i'm out. I will flat out say that we're done as both friends and as a potential couple.
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 OMG. Did I read this correctly? You played some game with a woman but have never met in person. She said she doesn't want secrets. Then she said something about having a weird day. When you asked to elaborate, she didn't. In all of these deep conversations somewhere this woman speculated about possibly moving to live closer to you -- a person she has never met. Now you are all annoyed & never want to speak to her again? Yikes. Here's the thing. As others have said, until you meet this is all a big bunch of nothing. Since it's not real yet, of course there will be secrets & things that are not appropriate to be shared. Pouring your heart out to a person you have never laid eyes on in real life is . .. . risky. Dial it back. Go with the flow and stop being hyper focused on this one thing. Do concentrate on how & when you will meet IRL. 1
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Well, it wasn't meant like that. She did tell me to ask her anything and that she would always be honest with me and basically went back on her word the very next day. Either as a potential bf or a friend, this needs to be resolved. I just haven't made up my mind the best way to tell her that i'm disappointed. But anyway, her lack of messages after this might say that she's out anyway or realize she's done something bad. We'll see i guess. I think you are pretty quick to accuse her of anything. You are not there, you don't know if there are people next to her and why she has not replied. Have you ever spoken on the phone together?
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 If she's cold after this then i'm out. I will flat out say that we're done as both friends and as a potential couple. How old are you? You sound like you're looking for a reason to dump her.
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) OMG. Did I read this correctly? You played some game with a woman but have never met in person. She said she doesn't want secrets. Then she said something about having a weird day. When you asked to elaborate, she didn't. In all of these deep conversations somewhere this woman speculated about possibly moving to live closer to you -- a person she has never met. Now you are all annoyed & never want to speak to her again? Yikes. Here's the thing. As others have said, until you meet this is all a big bunch of nothing. Since it's not real yet, of course there will be secrets & things that are not appropriate to be shared. Pouring your heart out to a person you have never laid eyes on in real life is . .. . risky. Dial it back. Go with the flow and stop being hyper focused on this one thing. Do concentrate on how & when you will meet IRL. Well, i have tried. She says she wants, but always says "we'll see" and makes it into her being cautious. So i pretty much don't have a choice in the matter. Now that i spell it out i know how it looks and i'm taking the hint. But i haven't seen her as just a friend in some time, and i'm not sure if i'll get back to that stage. I think you are pretty quick to accuse her of anything. You are not there, you don't know if there are people next to her and why she has not replied. Have you ever spoken on the phone together? We have spoken to each other but not by phone. Problem wasn't that she didn't reply. I'm not impatient. Problem was that she selectively ignored what i asked her when she brought it up in the first place. Edited February 24, 2017 by Klementin
kendahke Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Next day i wake up to a message about her day being weird in a crazy way. Naturally i ask her what has happened and added something about something else. She utterly ignored me asking her whats happened and only responded to the other thing. Less than 10 messages and 6 hours ago she told me she trusts me and wants to keep no secrets from me and that i can ask her anything i want, so i basically just ask her again (I can't stand it when people double back or lie to me) but again she just ignored it completely. I'm pretty disappointed in her and don't really know how to proceed here. I've avoided saying anything to her since as i fear i will be too direct and hurt her when this might all be nothing. But she hasn't said a word to me either so it's a record for both. You're going to have to ask her this either face to face or in a phone conversation --not text--and also ask her why, if she wants no secrets between you two, is she avoiding answering your question. That's sketchy as hell.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 We have spoken to each other but not by phone. Problem wasn't that she didn't reply. I'm not impatient. Problem was that she selectively ignored what i asked her when she brought it up in the first place. Ridiculous !! She could be a greasy fat man for all you know. I don't care about this current incident. You don't even know if she is a real female.
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 We have spoken to each other but not by phone. Problem wasn't that she didn't reply. I'm not impatient. Problem was that she selectively ignored what i asked her when she brought it up in the first place. If you haven't spoken but phone, how have you spoken? If you haven't head each other's actual voices, you have not spoken. If it's through the game that probably still counts as speaking but I would assume the discussion was limited to game play. I got that what annoyed you was that she selectively ignored your Q about how / why her day was weird. The fact that she threw it out there but then didn't respond was odd but is it really a reason to stop communicating with her?
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) We've spoken multiple times, so i know she's a female alright. I guess the feelings i've gotten for the girl makes it a bit problematic and the fact that i can't stand being either lied to or ignored, especially in this manner. Knowing her, i'm sure she avoids it exactly because it's something i don't want to hear. But that's bull****. I'd take bad news over this any day of the week. I probably won't stop talking to her though, but i will try my best to not look at her as girlfriend material anymore. The silence is just that i was simply shocked and not sure how to proceed as for me there will always be a giant elephant in the room, her apparently avoiding me in turn certainly does not help in that regard. Edited February 24, 2017 by Klementin
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 We've spoken multiple times, so i know she's a female alright. Tell me...how do you know she is who she says she is?? I have a few horror stories for you. I have a couple of friends who spent a year if not more pursuing someone across the globe and turned out they didn't exist. It was just a personage someone else created to play with people. I even have a friend who flew from Canada to UK to meet a woman that didn't exist! Everything she told him was fake!
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Tell me...how do you know she is who she says she is?? I have a few horror stories for you. I have a couple of friends who spent a year if not more pursuing someone across the globe and turned out they didn't exist. It was just a personage someone else created to play with people. I even have a friend who flew from Canada to UK to meet a woman that didn't exist! Everything she told him was fake! I know how she looks, i know how she sounds. The only thing i cannot know for sure is her name. But the discussions we've had is she coming here to visit. The other way around won't happen for various reasons (not financial ones).
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Sometimes I wonder how can people call a virtual communication "A relationship" when they haven't met yet. Then I say to myself "Well, it's not my thing but probably they know what they're doing". But when I bump into this post I see that you don't know what you're doing at all, you are completely clueless. I live with my wife. Do you know how many times a day I ask her something and she ignores? I ignore too to some of her whatsapp messages. Why? Because sometimes I forget, sometimes I tell myself to answer later and forget again, sometime I'm just distracted, many reasons. You take is meaningless event, and using magnifying glass you make it like a HUGE issue, and you develope negative extreme feelings about it. Come on... Stop playing games and tell her that you're still waiting to hear about her wierd day. I would even suggest a technological innovation - a phone call. Just call her and talk to her. These texts don't do you any good. And another thing. I make a gamble that she wants you to make further advances with her, but because each one of you is so busy with calculations and analyzing microscopic texts nuances, while keeping yourself from being hurt, no one has the minimum guts to actually make a step. Jump into the water. The maximum can happen is that you get wet. I can assure you, you won't die. Edited February 24, 2017 by lolablue17
Author Klementin Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Sometimes I wonder how can people call a virtual communication "A relationship" when they haven't met yet. Then I say to myself "Well, it's not my thing but probably they know what they're doing". But when I bump into this post I see that you don't know what you're doing at all, you are completely clueless. I live with my wife. Do you know how many times a day I ask her something and she ignores? I ignore too to some of her whatsapp messages. Why? Because sometimes I forget, sometimes I tell myself to answer later and forget again, sometime I'm just distracted, many reasons. You take is meaningless event, and using magnifying glass you make it like a HUGE issue, and you develope negative extreme feelings about it. Come on... Stop playing games and tell her that you're still waiting to hear about her wierd day. I would even suggest a technological innovation - a phone call. Just call her and talk to her. These texts don't do you any good. And another thing. I make a gamble that she wants you to make further advances with her, but because each one of you is so busy with calculations and analyzing microscopic texts nuances, while keeping yourself from being hurt, no one has the minimum guts to actually make a step. Jump into the water. The maximum can happen is that you get wet. I can assure you, you won't die. I agree with most of your post. I don't have much dating experience at all, so i'm prone to make mistakes. I know that i met a wonderful girl and want to see where it leads if both tries to make it so. But as multiple people have mentioned, i should be a bit wary that she doesn't either string me along or trick me, or even have a multitude of guys she does the same thing with.
lolablue17 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I agree with most of your post. I don't have much dating experience at all, so i'm prone to make mistakes. I know that i met a wonderful girl and want to see where it leads if both tries to make it so. But as multiple people have mentioned, i should be a bit wary that she doesn't either string me along or trick me, or even have a multitude of guys she does the same thing with. No one can guaranty that she doesn't string you along. Your biggest mistake is that you're convinced that you have no influence on her. A huge part of her behavior is up to you (I'm not saying that it's all up to you). Instead of trying to figure out "what she wants", focus on "what you want", be a man and make advances to get what you want. You can never know how will she react. Yes, she may reject you. But in this playground I would say - "no guts, no glory". You can call her and say that you think about her a lot, that you miss her and you really can't wait till you see her. Put yourself on the table. Be brave. I have a lot of experience and I can assure you... Most girls are insecure more than you are. In our world most girls love guys with confidence who take the lead. (This until the wedding. After the wedding they want you to just obey without arguments :laugh:). Do you like this girls? Go and take her. Lead. initiate.
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