ElizabethIII Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 (edited) Ive had attraction develop over a few dates. But months and months: no. You have to wonder how well suited two people really are if your initial impression of them was not as a romantic partner and that didn't change for a long time. Also how many threads do you see on here about people trying to get out of the friendzone or the **** buddy zone. It almost never happens as first impressions tend to stick. Edited February 25, 2017 by ElizabethIII
dumbass2 Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I've tried this. 3 women I was somewhat attracted to went out with them from 1-2 months and never felt that physical attraction where I wanted to explore more than just holding hands and kissing. Didn't feel the passion. There were some other things I liked about them, but with the physical attraction missing it was tough and it showed and hence the relationships ended mutually after trying things for a while. 1
TheBathWater Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 I've tried this. 3 women I was somewhat attracted to went out with them from 1-2 months and never felt that physical attraction where I wanted to explore more than just holding hands and kissing. Didn't feel the passion. There were some other things I liked about them, but with the physical attraction missing it was tough and it showed and hence the relationships ended mutually after trying things for a while. I'm a guy and I can relate, but I do believe that for many women it is different. As long as it's not a 'definite no', us guys stand a chance. But if the girl is a definite no for us, there is virtually zero chance. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it comes down to the fact that men are wired to go for looks primarily, whereas women are broader in the traits they search for. 1
coolheadal Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 If you feel anything or hope then it might work? Some use this time to just hang-out or have a backup. Even if you not really digging this person might just end up as friends only. I had woman I was seeing she and I had broken it off then after 3 months she message me on face book needing my help. I had dropped everything and gone to her place a few hours from her. Today we're together again better than before. So I would say yes the spark can develop over time.. If you gave it a chance..
joeandmee Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 they might be able to, but in my experience it's either there pretty immediately or it's not there at all. they can try because we're a good fit on paper but eventually we just find out we're not feeling it pretty quick.
Chilli Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Yeah l think they can for sure. Matter of fact l believe l've seen it happen in a few guys l've known. Another thing that l've noticed too since my divorce and hanging out in a lot of single forums and stuff , reading and chatting. Is a lot of people don't seem to even know what sparks flying is , they've never had. And the more l see that sort of stuff the more l've started to think that people can fall in love in all sorts of ways. Not just the flying sparks day one.
thecrucible Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 This guy seems to think that attraction/love can grow with women but not with men: The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do He says: if a man isn't falling for you from an early stage - say, the first month - it isn't going to happen. Don't wait around for his feelings to "grow" the way yours sometimes do. They will not. While this doesn't necessarily mean that he should be ruled out as a potential boyfriend or husband, it does mean that he will never be the woozy, infatuated lover you've seen in the movies. And if this is something you can't live without, you'd do better to break up with him now than to become more emotionally or sexually invested before breaking up with him later. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 Is a lot of people don't seem to even know what sparks flying is , they've never had. . Yeah, I even have a hard time grasping it. I thought "sparks" were getting along or "getting" each other, laughing at each other's jokes, "clicking", etc. I had someone correct me on that and that "getting along" or the aforementioned doesn't mean "sparks" Apparently, I have a hard time making a comparison. In fact, I thought I had experienced mutual "sparks" with a woman I met online, then when I went to call for a 2nd date, she stopped returning my calls. She had me convinced she had the hots for me. So what I thought was "sparks" really wasn't, so it really turns out to be an overstatement or overrated term. As far as attraction happening over time, I know of a woman that said she would need to wait a while...a few dates...before feeling anything for a guy, but I convinced her if you haven't felt it by now...you'll never feel it...but you see, the guy moves on because he gets tired of "waiting to see if she's interested" He's convinced that HER needing "time" isn't legit...like she wouldn't even kiss or show physical affection on a 2nd or 3rd date..because she's "needing time" to let the attraction build. She gets frustrated with guys that she claims don't have patience as they move on. But in turn, the guys get frustrated with her.
Miss Spider Posted February 26, 2017 Posted February 26, 2017 This guy seems to think that attraction/love can grow with women but not with men: The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do He says: I've read his blog. It's interesting and I do think a lot of what he says could be true, but almost must consider this was written by one 20-something (maybe early 30s now) man speaking for most of the male population.
Mr Scorpio Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 But I don't know, can attraction develop over time, or do you really need to feel immediate sparks in order to be in a happy relationship? I will say yes with the caveat that in my case it was a friendship that morphed into a relationship over a long time. The subsequent relationship was very happy. I will also say yes in general. I could easily envision meeting a woman who I found mildly attractive physically but who unbeknownst to me at that time was on the same wavelength as me. The more (admittedly) stupid commonalities I discovered the more attracted I would become. It isn't a matter of a "spark". It is a matter of a bond. 3
Author purplesoccer34 Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Some of the answers on here give me a lot of hope! I haven't felt those "sparks" with anyone in a long time, but I'm hoping that if I give people more of a chance, something will develop. I believe I do need to try something a little different when it comes to dating. Regarding this guy, I went on a second date with him, and everything seemed to go well--until toward the end of the date when he mentioned that he has a difficult time getting anyone to go on a date with him. He said things like, "I'm happy if I can get even one girl to go on a date with me." I'm not sure why he said that--from what I could tell, there wasn't anything overtly wrong with him. He was good-looking, maybe slightly socially awkward, but he could hold a decent conversation, and he seemed like a nice, caring person. But it became apparent to me some time during the date that he lacked confidence. Maybe if he had more confidence, I'd be far more attracted to him, and those "sparks" would be there. Perhaps I'll give it a few more dates to see if anything develops. Edited February 27, 2017 by purplesoccer34
Weezy1973 Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I think the answer depends on who you ask and what qualities they're attracted to. If you're attracted to relationship type qualities (honesty, openness, effective communication, empathy etc.) then attraction will almost have to take awhile to develop because those qualities show up after a bit of time. Most of the women and men I know that are in good relationships and marriages have become attracted to their partners this way.
Larryville Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 if a man isn't falling for you from an early stage - say, the first month - it isn't going to happen. In the past, I've only agreed to second dates if I felt immediate sparks upon meeting the person. Ok I’m taking a different angle on this, and I guess it does not matter how you meet but for the sake of discussion lets use OLD. The question of the thread is… Can attraction develop over time? Someone help me here, but why would you bother to contact someone you are not attracted to? As I quickly scan profiles I would only bother stopping and double-checking a profile pic that made me stop in some way. But I’m not contacting someone who was “marginally” attractive, what would be the point? Maybe if you met someone IRL, totally impromptu, their style, smile, personality might engage you but OLD? This is what I talked about in another thread where dudes get frustrated and email bomb every warn body near him hoping someone responds.
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