Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I can't even get a phone call at night before bed at times, when he's said he'll call and I wait up for him to do so after knowing he's planning to & I'm anxious to hear from him. That's another example. It's not just the romantic stuff, but the little things too like following through with a phone call before falling asleep. It irritates me as he knows I don't sleep well to begin with so instead of making it a point to call earlier in the evening he falls asleep not calling at all leaving me waiting for a call I'm anticipating because I was told it would happen. He tries minimizing it by saying it doesn't happen all the time. Well maybe it doesn't, but I'm a firm believer to do what you say you're going to & I put forth the effort to always follow through for him (or anyone for that matter) with what I say I'm going to do & if I know I can't or won't be able to, I let the person know. It's a level of respect. So there's another example of a little thing -follow through, which I actually think is a big thing. I asked you in my previous post if you felt loved by your boyfriend and why. I still would like to hear it. It seems to me you are overall unhappy and feeling unappreciated in this relationship and it's more than him not being as romantic as he used to. How old are you 2? how many times do you see each other? after 2 years do you make any plans to move in together? More you talk about it more it sounds like your relationship is stuck in a rut.
Popsicle Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 It's just laziness setting in. You have to fight against it, and yes it's constant. A lot of guys don't realize that complacency ruins attraction. Guys are happy to sit home and watch tv with you but women often want to "do something". The important thing here is to communicate your needs to him. Tell him that over time the lack of him doing things for you will cause you to leave. One guy I know shared with me that guys LIKE to get married so they can finally put their feet up and relax and stop doing any work to get a woman.
Els Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 A few things... Stop cleaning the house of a man whom you don't live with. I have NEVER seen any good come out of it. While it sounds nice, there are just some things that aren't generally beneficial to a relationship. By all means send him sexy texts, cook for him when he comes over to your place etc, but stop going to HIS place just to clean it. That being said, while I understand the need for your partner to display love and affection at any stage of the relationship, your list of 'desired actions' all seem to fall under the umbrella of "words of affection". Some people just aren't the love note or card type of person. Does he show you love in any other way? Any acts of service, any attempts to spend more quality time with you, any gifts, any physical affection? Do you think it's possible that he just speaks a different love language? If the answer to all of the above is "no" and you've communicated your dissatisfaction to no avail, maybe the two of you are just not compatible. 1
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I have been in 2 long terms relationships and it's normal after a while to slow down on the dates. It doesn't mean that gestures of love are dead, it means they just change and the dynamic of the relationship change and it's normal. BF and I don't go on as many dates after 14 months as we did at the beginning but I still feel loved and appreciated because other than taking me out he expresses his love to me in 100s other ways. In OP's case his gestures of love have died-died and I have a feeling it's more than his gestures of love that have died, I think his connection to her has died as well. 1
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 If the answer to all of the above is "no" and you've communicated your dissatisfaction to no avail, maybe the two of you are just not compatible. I think there it's more than not being compatible. She said they have been dating 2 years and she felt a switch in him about 6 months ago.
Popsicle Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Thank you for confirming my feelings about not being unrealistic. I have told him many times I feel he doesn't think he has to put as much effort in anymore because he's won me over & therefore feels his work is done. I can't even get a phone call at night before bed at times, when he's said he'll call and I wait up for him to do so after knowing he's planning to & I'm anxious to hear from him. That's another example. It's not just the romantic stuff, but the little things too like following through with a phone call before falling asleep. It irritates me as he knows I don't sleep well to begin with so instead of making it a point to call earlier in the evening he falls asleep not calling at all leaving me waiting for a call I'm anticipating because I was told it would happen. He tries minimizing it by saying it doesn't happen all the time. Well maybe it doesn't, but I'm a firm believer to do what you say you're going to & I put forth the effort to always follow through for him (or anyone for that matter) with what I say I'm going to do & if I know I can't or won't be able to, I let the person know. It's a level of respect. So there's another example of a little thing -follow through, which I actually think is a big thing. I feel 100% confident that if you were to tell him that you want to break up and tell him why, he would improve. You would be doomed if you were married and/or dependent on him but you are not, so he'll shape up. I've seen it. All men have some degree of laziness when it comes to this. It just depends on the man, they all fall along a range. If you're dealing with a man who has a high degree of laziness then you'd better like him a lot and I mean ALOT because you need something else to help motivate you to keep the fight up. Edited February 24, 2017 by Popsicle
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