foofightingguy Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just wanted to say first that I read this forum sometimes and I decided to share my story too, any comment or suggestion is greatly appreciated. I'm not much of a writer so I'm just going to type away, please bare with me. Me (32) and her (26) dated for 1.5 years, it was a love at first sight kind of start between me and her, we couldn't stop texting and spending time with each other since. Everything was pretty much all I ever wanted given my past relationships. I have heard stories of her partying a lot before she met me, but for the whole 1.5 years she was a dedicated girl friend. I never thought I could meet someone to have so much fun with and travel. We can almost speak to each other in 4 languages too (that is rare right?). The idea of being with her and one day have a family had definitely crossed my mind multiple times. The dynamic of the relationship changed a little when her parents moved back into the city to start a slightly bigger restaurant. She quit her job to help out for a year or two and moved back in with her family. Everything was still great as she would come over after work, and sometimes I would go to the restaurant and even help out. She's met my parents a few times and I can say her parents liked me as well. However, the stress was piling on her since. In college she had wanted to pursuit UN/NGO field but that road didn't work out for her. She then started working and hoped to have her own business someday. But I guess it was hard to come up with great ideas for a new business. Her helping out with the family pretty much resets her career and she's back to square one. Her parents had high expectation for her too so that was another source of stress as she worked and lived with them. It's not like we never fought before, but we started fighting a lot more, and over small things that were kind of silly. I am a logic first kind of person so I guess women don't really like it. She just wanted me to comfort her more and me calm down first more during fights. I didn't do well there. I guess she had slowly begin to feel maybe I wasn't the right guy for her. We actually broke up briefly in the middle of the relationship but we got right back together in weeks because we missed each other so badly. This time it was different, I guess she felt like we tried and it didn't work so we should both move on. She wanted to focus on herself and figure out her career first. If we were meant to be, we will find our way back to each together she says. Following the break up, we would still talk almost everyday, met up maybe 1-2 times a week and were still intimate. However, as time went by, it slowly faded from her end while my affection for her had not and sometimes I would talk about getting back together or get emotional. Since end of last year, she has decided to pursuit the UN/NGO path again. So I guess in her mind, we will be apart anyways, the idea of getting back together was probably slim. She went back to her home town with her family the whole of January and we only talked once (I caught a bad cold and she found out). She came back and wanted to meet and talk and we did. It was her telling me she had moved on and I should as well. We slept together again and she told me goodbye. I was pretty hurt so I removed everything from social media and the next day sent her an closure email thanking her for all the good times. May it be timing or we weren't meant to be. My NC officially started, about 5 months after we broke up. Since she might be leaving the country if she was lucky enough to find a NGO spot somewhere, she said she's not looking to be in any serious relationship now (but you know, can't really trust these words as anything can happen). I think she's back to her old partying ways. She's pretty and energetic and has a large network of friends so I'm sure there's no shortage of guys chasing her. I know NC is for me to heal, but it has been hard not to think about her or check up on her. In the back of my head I still hope our paths will cross and maybe spark it up again. But as so many pointed out on this forum that kind of thinking is not healthy. I'm torn everyday trying to find myself again at the same time missing her...
Jagged100 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I'm sorry that you're hurting, NC is incredibly hard and there are moments of weakness where you just want to reach out. Don't do that, the person you loved isn't there anymore. She's moving on and you need to as well. You deserve someone who wants to be with you
Author foofightingguy Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 I'm sorry that you're hurting, NC is incredibly hard and there are moments of weakness where you just want to reach out. Don't do that, the person you loved isn't there anymore. She's moving on and you need to as well. You deserve someone who wants to be with you Thank you. It is hard. I have refrained myself from contacting her since we only have the form of email now. I did ask a few mutual friends (initially her friends) about her but I guess that is bad and I shouldn't have done that.
LitTunnel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Best advice I can give you is next time, either with your ex or a new relationship, tap into their emotional side. Women don't respond to logic. It's not part of their nature. You'll lose them quick if you do. Just continue NC and maybe in the future you guys will have a chance again if it's meant to be. Until then leave her alone and let her come back to you which i think she will as long as you stay dead silent. It will be hard but you've made it through the worst of times so it does get better. Good luck!
Trichrome Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I'm really sorry to hear your struggling with this. I've broken up with and get back together with for the love of my life at least 5 times. We lived together for a year-and-a-half, recently and decided to be back together but live apart. My biggest fear is that what happens to you will happen to me. Things will grow colder very slowly for her but not for me and one day it will be good bye. I hope you feel better soon man
Author foofightingguy Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Best advice I can give you is next time, either with your ex or a new relationship, tap into their emotional side. Women don't respond to logic. It's not part of their nature. You'll lose them quick if you do. Just continue NC and maybe in the future you guys will have a chance again if it's meant to be. Until then leave her alone and let her come back to you which i think she will as long as you stay dead silent. It will be hard but you've made it through the worst of times so it does get better. Good luck! Thank you. I realized that with my past relationships, I was improving but obviously not enough. I am currently reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, recommended by someone from another thread. Should have gone NC right from the get go instead of dragging it on for 5 months. I think it really hurt my chances... She's cried everytime we met since breakup but given so much time, I think her decision might be set hard in stone...
Author foofightingguy Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 I'm really sorry to hear your struggling with this. I've broken up with and get back together with for the love of my life at least 5 times. We lived together for a year-and-a-half, recently and decided to be back together but live apart. My biggest fear is that what happens to you will happen to me. Things will grow colder very slowly for her but not for me and one day it will be good bye. I hope you feel better soon man Thank you. I think if you got back with her 5 times, you guys really have a strong connection no? I would say cherish the fact that you got back together and really work on that emotional connection with her like others have suggested. Sometimes, all we wish for is one more chance to impress, and you got 5
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