cajunintexas Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 I need some advice on how I should feel, and deal with issues I have with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Here is some background: Before my wife of 2 years and I got married, I noticed that she, her mom, and her sister acted really really strange together. The mom treats the two girls like babies and spoils them rotten and these two girls are in their late 20's(my wife is now in her thirties and still is treated this way). My wife is the more mature of the two sisters and the other sister, Let's just say she a huge baby(for instance, when we announced we were pregnant w/our daughter, my sister-in-law started crying and boo-hooing because we would probably have our child around the time she would have graduated from college), and even talks in a baby voice. The mom and the daughters treat their husband/father like dirt and he is the sweetest man. He was in an accident few years back and has a slight mental disability but nevertheless is the coolest. They always yell at him lower than a dog. From what I understand of their past, when they were younger, he wasn't really there for them because he was always working construction across the country, but from their own admission he did try to be a part of their lifes. I always got the impression that the mom, my wife, and her sister kinda have a bad attitute towards men in general. I'm not the only one who noticed all of the above, one of the first things my family stated to me(when they met my wife's family) were some of the sames thing I thought in my own head. Note: I never spoke of my feelings to my own family before they met my wife's family. I've known my wife for about 4 years including the two years of marriage and it's just more of the same. Ever since we were married, everytime we went over her mom's house, I didn't feel welcomed or part of the family at all. The mom never smiles and the sister doesn't talk to me. I've tried so many times to be the friendly one, the funny one, the helpful and nothing. My wife and I now have a 1 year old daughter and they are starting to do the same thing to her since her birth. They baby my daughter, spoil her with toys, talk in these wierd baby voices to her(if you heard what I'm hearing, you would think it was strange too) I have brought my feelings and concerns up to my wife for the past 4 years but she always just says that she doesn't want to be in the middle or when there is something obvious, she says she'll talk to her mom. If I ask her about it the next day she says that her mom "apologized". My wife is a completely different person when she is with her mom and sister-in-law. Really Anal, tells me what to do, and just goes into baby mode around her mom. My sister-in-law is also dating a guy who just gives me the creeps to, he's like a used car salesman and lawyer rolled up into one. I have told my wife that I don't want him holding my daughter or in the same room with my daughter without one of us around. My wife doesn't even like the guy and I think my feelings have gotten back to her sister which is making the situation between my sister-in-law and I much more stressful. Forward to the present: Over the past few weeks, I have gone to my mother-in-laws house with my wife and would offer to do things around the house, like take out the trash for instance. My mother-in-law would always quickly run to the garbage and say no I got it. At this point, when we go over there. I just sit in a corner and shut up and watch TV. Because of financial difficulties my wife and daughter are moving into her mom's for who knows how long. The sister-in-law also lives there in her mom's house and I get the impression that my wife's mom is just LOVING this becuase she can take care of "her girls". She has even stated so in not so direct terms. We are also now 2.5 hours away from each other. Which isn't bad for me since I don't mind driving every night to see my wife and daughter. This past weekend was my daughters 1 year birthday. It's was miserable for me and I think I've reached my limit with my wife, my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law. More of the same, and finally my wife asked me what was wrong and I told her the same thing I had been telling her the years past(about being not included and being made to feel unneeded). Low and behold she says that the just noticed the same thing this weekend and she said she would talk to her mother. A couple of other things happened this weekend too which were noticed by other people including the mom still babying my wife because my wife(according to my mother-in-law) is "stressed and needs all the help she can get" and her mom running out side when I was playfully wrestling with my wife and saying "Brent Stop that, you are gonna her her back" And I wasn't doing anything, trust me other people came up to me and asked what was wrong with my mother-in-law. There are other things that are causing friction betwen my wife and I including: 1. My wife wants to homeschool our daughter, yet my wife can't complete one single thing she's every tried to do(because her mom always took care of her). I've brought this up many times and my wife is deadset against sending my daughter to an outside school. Apparently my mother-in-law has stated that she will homeschool my daughter if needed. 2. My wife has not worked for the past 3 years and has just sat home. She has now just gotten a job and is letting her mom take care of my daughter. My mother-in-law is thrilled with this arrangement. 3. My wife does/did not cook or clean the house regularly(even before our daughter), even though she is home I think all of the above is a direct cause by her mother-in-law babying "her girls". I don't want my daughter to fall into that trap yet I can't do anything about it now since my wife and daughter are now at her mom's. The entire situation is causing me to rethink my marriage with my wife. I love my wife with all of my heart and my daughter is my world, but for my own happiness and sanity, it's just not working for me anymore. I just don't want to deal with this anymore. What do you guys think? Should I stand up and put my foot down? I have tried to do that with my wife on a few occassions for the above 4 things, but nothing ever got fixed.
simon22 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Stand up and put your foot down, It took me years to do this. You will live life easier and happier if you express yourself and you can have the peace in your heart that you did it. It seems a lot of parents either play favorites with their children, or try to manipulate them into being what they want. Your wife and the other girls have prob been raised with this way and they think that is the correct way to live. It would prob help to discuss it and if that doesn't work write a letter and see how they respond.
sweetserendipity Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Sorry, no time to respond at this time but wanted to bump this thread, hopefully he'll get more responses, what a sticky situation.
Thinkalot Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I feel for you. Your feelings seem quite justified to me, based on what you have told us. Put your foot down, insist on changes. Is there some way your wife and daughter can resume living with you? This seems like it would be much better. If your wife does not take you seriously, and you truly feel so strongly about this, tell her (if you mean it) that you cannot go on living in this situation, and that it is affecting your relationship with her, to the point that you are considering divorce. Before giving up on it all, there needs to be a chance for better communication/possible change etc. Having a child in the situation I am sure you would prefer things to work out, but your own sanity also needs to be looked after! You need to make changes and make your wife aware of how serious this is. Good luck- pls keep us informed.
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