Delayed grief - Over 3 months post-BU, but it feels like I've just been dumped

[Kinderwind]

Mid-November last year my LDR gf of 2 years dumped me. The reason she gave was essentially "I love you in person but not online". I was trying my hardest, especially since I moved to a new city, but she was finding the distance rough and the general sense of disconnect caused her feelings to dwindle. We were both teary messes on Skype but I told her I accept her decision even if it causes me awful pain.

All-in-all our relationship was wonderful, very loving and we inherently connected more than anyone we've met before.

 

Still, for the first month or so I was a bit of a wreck as I came to terms with the loss. Particularly I was grieving the loss of future we had together, as it was the longest stretch me and her had been apart and I had flights booked a month later. Watching the days tick down before I was supposed to see her and then missing the flight was excruciating, knowing I could fly over there and try and make things better, refresh her memory of me, etc.

The history we shared didn't bother me though, at that time I was indifferent towards it.

 

For the next month I sunk into an all-consuming depression but wasn't sure why. I never thought about my ex at all so I figured it was just the start of my new life. My ex contacted me once saying "hi, how's it going? hope you're doing great" (I paraphrase) after about 2 months NC. I gave a blunt "hey there, I'm fine, wishing you well also". That was that.

 

Yesterday night, after the release of an album I had been trying to finish for a year now (coincidentally about my LDR) my ex contacts me after 1 month NC saying how wonderful my album is, how captivating the art is, hope you're doing great, etc. It kinda irritates me but I ignore it.

 

I meditate for the night, a habit I've been getting into more and more in the last few weeks, when suddenly out of nowhere I'm flooded with images of my ex, her country, her family, places we've been, etc. I tried to think of negative memories but they're honestly few and far between. It was absolutely dehabilitating and I cried for the next 3-4 hours.

 

About 12 or so hours after her message was sent I cave in and respond to her. We exchange 3 messages of me trying to be as blunt / indifferent as possible before she says something along the lines of "nice catching up with you, see you later" - I most certainly don't intend to be friends with her and will not respond again, at least for a long while.

 

Still, I've been crying on and off non-stop since last night as new memories rise up and I journal them in an attempt to capture them so they don't fill my head so much. I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this out, I'm just brimming with sorrow and was looking for comfort or advice I guess. The one plus is now I can feel a wider spectrum of emotions, even if it tears me apart.

Thank you for reading, I know this is a bit of an essay.

[magnesium]

This is the last thing you would want to hear, but I'm thinking she met someone else when you moved away.

 

Now she is just stringing you along just in case she changes her mind about her new fling.

 

I'm sorry, but the excuse she gave to break up with you is pathetic, and it seems like there is something else going on.

 

Oh, and you need to go full-on no contact; you won't be able to grieve properly otherwise.

Edited February 28, 2017 by magnesium