My new boyfriend is great.. but I can't stop thinking about my ex

[likefireandpowder]

I dated a guy on and off for about 3 years. We were very serious and even got engaged. We moved across the country and ran into many problems in our relationship. But I loved him so much. It was an intense and scary kind of love. But eventually I broke and knew it was best if I left him. So I wrote him a note, packed my stuff, left him my engagement ring and flew home. We continued to talk and knew we didn't want this to be the end. This lasted for about 6 months. Until finally one day he ghosted me. Completely dropped off the face of the earth, no calls, no emails, no texts. I even sent him letters with no replies. This lasted for about 3 months of me desperately trying to contact him with no such luck. I started hooking up with other guys to get my mind off of him until I met this really awesome guy and we hit it off completely. We had been dating for about a month when finally one morning my ex called me out of the blue. I answered because I didn't realize it was him. I had deleted his number. He was crying hysterically begging for me back apologizing.. and I pretty much told him.. no.. I wasn't going to let him **** up what I finally had again. He didn't give up. He continued to call, even came to my house one day. On his knees begging for me back and crying so hysterically. I, of course, said no. Until one day it was all too much for my new boyfriend and he broke up with me. I immediately got in my car and drove 4 hours to be with my ex. I told him I didn't want to have sex. That I wasn't ready yet. But it ended up happening anyway. We spent a blissful 3 days together in a hotel and all seemed like the universe had fallen back into place. Until I went home again. And my new boyfriend wanted me back desperately. I told him everything that had happened with my ex that weekend and he said he didn't care. So I left my ex in the dust and did what I thought was the best thing and got back together with my new boyfriend. My ex became extremely angry and told me that he knew none of it was real. That I never really loved him. And that he never wanted to speak to me again. And he hasn't. I've been so happy with my new boyfriend for 6 months now. I thought about my ex from time to time. Had the occasional intense dream about him. Until recently, it's more than that. I can't get him out of my head. I dream of him every single night. I just break down crying in the middle of the day over him. Every atom in my body tingles when I hear a song or see a move that reminds me of him. I haven't been able to have sex with my boyfriend in two weeks. I keep making up excuses. My boyfriend and I have been looking for a place to move in together but I can't even stand the thought now. I can't even look at him. And the worst part is, he's such a great guy. He's a great boyfriend. He's always there for me. He cares for me and loves me. He's done nothing wrong. And I just don't know what to do. I don't love my new boyfriend anymore. And I want to run away and find my ex and let him hold me again. I feel so lost and alone. I don't know who to talk to.

[stillafool]

Break up with your current bf because it isn't fair you have him but love another man. He needs to be with a woman who loves him. You are begging for bad Karma by cheating on him. In my experience in cases like yours, you will not be able to get your ex back.

[preraph]

What do you mean it was a scary kind of love? Please explain.

 

 

 

You should not move in with your present boyfriend while still being up in the air about your ex. Just tell him you're not ready for that step.

[spiderowl]

It's a mystery to me really. You keep breaking up with these guys who clearly both love you. You seem to wait until one of them cuts off or shows interest in you again to break up with the one you are with. You can't keep doing this; it's not fair on anyone. Maybe you miss the excitement and intensity that is there with a new or rekindled relationship. It sounds like once a guy is with you and happy with you, it gets boring for you. It is interesting that now you face moving in with your guy (which is commitment) and all of a sudden want your previous boyfriend back.

 

I don't think you are ready to commit to anyone. The way things are you will probably continue to hurt these guys, as you seek more excitement from the other. Why don't you make a list of the positive and negative qualities of each of these guys and see where the differences lie? If you throw out your current boyfriend, he may not want you back this time. How would you feel?

 

It is hard to advise you really because I suspect you will carry on in this vein, getting interested in guys until you have them, then dumping them.

Edited February 22, 2017 by spiderowl

[nightingale77]

Hi there, sorry to hear that you are going through a rather confusing stage of your life right now, when it seems like there is no straight answer to your problems.

 

It might not be wise to commit into any decision at this moment as you are unsure about how and what your feelings are. Do you have any trusted friend(s) whom you can seek their advice on regarding this? It might also be good to talk to someone neutral, like a counsellor, to hear from an unbiased perspective. Hope this helps. Keeping you in my prayer.