when what you dreamed of for so long seems to be happening,and now you don't want it?

[mustangsally]

Okay, I've gone into legnthy detail about my ex and I. here's a summary of everything just for a refresher or background for those new:

 

My ex and I dated for a while, were each other's first loves, first sexual encounters, first...everything really. We were totally in love. It was long distance and he thought he was going to go to school somewhere 3,000 miles away. I was visiting him and while I was there, he broke up with me citing a million different reasons, but none of them seemed like REASONS. He called me and said he didn't mean to like two days later and then we broke up again because he couldn't do this. Harsh words were exchanged, yeah. But then we kept in contact and then i told him to stop talking to me. so this girl who had a crush on him for like a year basically threw herself at him and they dated for about 3 months, started seeing each other not even a month after we broke up. When friends questioned him, he said he was really sad and upset, but when I asked him, he said he had "moved on". Long story short, they dated, he left her 3 months later, but she was really young and their relationship seemed very junior high. I was then informed he was going to go to my school in the fall. We talked sometimes but very sporadically. I started seeing someone else, but that didn't work out....but he knew about it. he doesn't know its over, I don't think. Or maybe he does.

 

Long story short, I saw him about 2-3 weeks ago and his family was SUPER nice to me, but he kind of ignored me and looked like he was really upset. He kept looking like he wanted to talk to me but I just kind of ignored him.

 

Something happened so I had to e-mail him about something. I didn't even half expect an e-mail back, or if I did, i expected a sort of business-y e-mail. Instead, I got this weird "I know I haven't been able to understand how hard things were for you." (he broke up with me partly because of something else that was later found to be attributed to a medical condition I have) and "I'm so glad you're doing this and this for me." and "I can't wait to see you." I told him basically I was glad we had broke up (which I am due to my medical condition) and he just kind of ignored anything I said about us not being in a relationship, when at first when breaking up was what he wanted, he was like "Oh, I'm glad you're okay with it."

 

Well, I knew the whole time that he had feelings for me....but now that its like right in front of me...its kind of like I don't know if I even want him at all. I'm just really confused because part of me is SO MAD at him for seeing someone else so fast like I never even mattered....I know i kind of did the same thing, but I didn't start a 3 month exclusive relationship with someone new....yet he did and everyone just accepted it like it wasn't a big deal. And some people were even like "well, he's a guy. Its possible for guys to get over their first loves in a couple of weeks and start a new relationship with someone else without residual feelings." WHAT?! Really? That's kind of freaky. If that's true, maybe I should go lesbian.

 

So that's it. Everyone says I shouldn't make decisions until he gets here and we see each other, but its just weird. I just don't know if I can forgive him for replacing me so quickly, no matter the circumstance. He made me feel so unwanted and he replaced me with some girl who was a lot younger than him, really unattractive and really weird, so I guess I can easily be replaced by someone so much "lesser" and its all good? That's my biggest hurdle with him.

 

And maybe he doesn't even want me and I'm just jumping the gun.

 

But like most of you, he did say things like I was the best girlfriend ever (during the relationship), thought of marrying me, told me he knew he was going to regret the break-up....bah.

[blue16]

When he went out with this other girl, she was just a rebound and in no way a long-term replacement for you.

 

Anyways, isn't it funny how we always want what we can't have...then once we finally get it we suddenly don't want it anymore.

[mustangsally]

yes!

 

I was just talking to a friend about it though and truthfully, i don't know what I want in regards to him. Half of me would like to try things again and half of me wouldn't.

 

One of my friends suggested maybe things were just weird for him in getting back into the friendship saddle and he misses me as a friend. That COULD be, but we were never really friends to begin with (which I had pointed out to him at one point as to why it would be difficult to try and start a platonic relationship with no feelings whatsoever). And he was the one who was really sure about being friends for so long, and then I told him I needed time. I took it and now that its taken, he's just weird about it. WTF? Shouldn't he be ready to be friends? I mean of course things would be weird at first no matter what, but not THIS weird. If it were that weird he wouldn't be ignoring me unless I talk to him and everything....he knows I just want to be friends and I've told him I have no ulterior motives in getting back together. Yet somehow that's really hard for him to accept?

 

I just don't know.

[mustangsally]

PS- is it really true if a guy is totally in love with a girl, he can really get over her in 2-3 weeks if he wants to, even if she's his first love and first sexual encounter?

[outdated]

Originally posted by mustangsally

PS- is it really true if a guy is totally in love with a girl, he can really get over her in 2-3 weeks if he wants to, even if she's his first love and first sexual encounter?

 

No, it's not true. They can fake it, but unless they truly are an assclown or weren't that involved to begin with, then there's no way that's true.

[mustangsally]

Originally posted by outdated

No, it's not true. They can fake it, but unless they truly are an assclown or weren't that involved to begin with, then there's no way that's true.

 

He wasn't an assclown at all...and was WAY involved in the relationship. Like he was telling everyone how in love he was with me and buying me expensive gifts. And when I was with him, he hadn't let go of something that had happened 1.5 years ago.....so I mean...I don't know.

 

On another board, someone just told me something must be wrong with me if he got with this chick after me.

[Drivetildriven]

Hell no it's not true. Unless he's insane, there's no way he got over you that fast.

[mustangsally]

that's what i thought. Actually i thought it was almost impossible to get over your first love, but some people said I was wrong.....And of course some people said because he was "popular" he probably wasn't too attatched.

 

But I don't buy that...at all. Everyone was SO SHOCKED when we broke up because he was going on and on about how much he loved me a couple days before. And he told me like a month later it was really hard to get over me, but he did it and he'd moved on and was with this other girl, which didn't last obviously.

 

I also wanted to tell you guys THANKS. most other boards, people are really critical of me...as if it was my issue and that other girl probably was way better than me even though they're no longer together and weren't for very long.

[mustangsally]

for example, this is what someone told me on another board talking about my situation:

 

This is about YOU! YOU are immature. YOU are insecure! I also hope that you are a troll. If you aren't, I wish you great success in your future Dog Walking business.

 

You can't control other people's lives. Get over it.

 

Maybe the other gal is more mature, secure, and doesn't put him on the spot?