joemarriage Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 So I just got out of a 5.5 year relationship 4 weeks ago. I met a girl a couple weeks ago while watching my friends band. We hit it off. She kept texting me and I would take my time to respond. She got me to come up to her neck of the woods for a date. I went, had a good time. The problem, well there's 2, first of all she isn't the type of girl I ever dated and not sure I would take it seriously and number two I don't think it would be fair for her at this point because I honestly have not gotten over my ex. Then to top it off Sunday and Monday of this week my ex came over and we had sex both days. She came over cause my grandma, 92 years old, had a brain aneurysm, and my grandma loved her. So she came over to hang out. My grandma lives 600 miles away so I wasn't headed out yet to visit. So anyways how do I nicely let this other girl go?
SevenCity Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Just tell her you no longer want to continue dating her. Don't give her any hope of reconciliation. It's only been a couple of weeks so I'm sure she'll get over it quickly. 1
TheBathWater Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 So I just got out of a 5.5 year relationship 4 weeks ago. I met a girl a couple weeks ago while watching my friends band. We hit it off. She kept texting me and I would take my time to respond. She got me to come up to her neck of the woods for a date. I went, had a good time. The problem, well there's 2, first of all she isn't the type of girl I ever dated and not sure I would take it seriously and number two I don't think it would be fair for her at this point because I honestly have not gotten over my ex. Then to top it off Sunday and Monday of this week my ex came over and we had sex both days. She came over cause my grandma, 92 years old, had a brain aneurysm, and my grandma loved her. So she came over to hang out. My grandma lives 600 miles away so I wasn't headed out yet to visit. So anyways how do I nicely let this other girl go? As the old saying goes: Leave them better than you found them. In other words, whatever you do, if you don't want to hurt her than I wouldn't do anything jerk-ish (e.g. ghosting). If it were me, I'd just be honest and simple: "Hey, I had a lot of fun meeting up, but honestly I have some leftover baggage from my last relationship I'm still trying to sort through." No need to tell her you slept with your ex, unless you decide to meet up with this new girl again and pursue things further with her. Then she has a right to know you're sleeping with someone else. 2
Purepony Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Dating her ? It doesn't sound like you guys were dating maybe hanging out but either way I would be upfront with their you and your ex are getting back together or trying to work things out that way it's just a clean honest truth and she doesn't have to worry or wonder
GoldSparkz Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 It sounds like you are already having doubts about the new girl if you're saying she isn't your type. I get that you don't want to come across like a d ick, especially if she travelled all the way to see you. But you owe her nothing as far as an explanation goes if it's only been two weeks. Like the others have said, just explain that you need to work on your situation and do not have the capacity to begin a new relationship.
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Don't ghost. Tell her you enjoyed meeting her but you just got out of a relationship & you can't handle another one right now. 2
Miss Spider Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 tell her things cant go further with her because you're still not over your ex. say she's a great girl and but you respect her too much to string her along and put her through that 2
Author joemarriage Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 I actually like the girl. She nice and has a good head on her shoulders. It's just she's too needy. She text me all day. Drives me up the wall. Now she's on vacation to Mexico and she still texting me. Seriously we hung out 3 times total. Idk if texting is just the normal way people communicate now. But a quick phone call a couple times a day is all I need. I don't need to have a conversation all day long. Once again thanks for the advice.
preraph Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Tell her you recently got back together with your ex and just want to keep it simple for now so as not to create a mess. 1
kendahke Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 I actually like the girl. She nice and has a good head on her shoulders. It's just she's too needy. She text me all day. Drives me up the wall. Now she's on vacation to Mexico and she still texting me. Seriously we hung out 3 times total. Idk if texting is just the normal way people communicate now. But a quick phone call a couple times a day is all I need. I don't need to have a conversation all day long. Have you said this to her, or are you doing the "silent irate" shtick by saying nothing but seething when she does something you dont' like, but haven't told her you don't like it?
SevenCity Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 As the old saying goes: Leave them better than you found them. In other words, whatever you do, if you don't want to hurt her than I wouldn't do anything jerk-ish (e.g. ghosting). If it were me, I'd just be honest and simple: "Hey, I had a lot of fun meeting up, but honestly I have some leftover baggage from my last relationship I'm still trying to sort through." No need to tell her you slept with your ex, unless you decide to meet up with this new girl again and pursue things further with her. Then she has a right to know you're sleeping with someone else. This can cause her to want to wait it out or get back with him once he's sorted out the mess. Don't give her platitudes. Just be direct - you don't want to see her anymore. That's the kindest thing you can do as it leaves nothing open.
Author joemarriage Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 So I tried nicely to limit my contact with the new girl. Unfortunately she didn't get the hints. I didn't "ghost" her. While she was on her trip to Mexico last week there was one day she texted me 50+ times updating me on her trip. I really could give a crap what she was doing. She was sending photos of where they were at, food photos sunset photos. Seriously I can't handle it. We went out twice. Finally one day we had opening day of baseball then I had to work a 10 hour day. I didn't respond or open her texts all day. I finally replied late, thinking she'd be asleep, different time zone, all I said was had a crazy day. Her reply was a multiple choice question Crazy A. Good B. Long C. Bad I almost threw my phone across the room. Her next reply was this: I have an idea and see what you think...I don't want you to feel pressured to hang when I suggest meeting up. I know you have a lot going on and priorities. I'll ask and if you can't then you cant. You can do the same. I honestly like watching games and would go to see my nephews and friends kids play all the time. (Yes im strange)But if that's awkward then I totally get it. Just know I enjoy that stuff. I never want this to be strange or full of pressure, there is no fun in that. Thoughts? This is what I sent her. I understand. I do have a lot going and I don't want to sound rude always saying no. My kids are a priority and we don't live very close so makes it hard. To be honest I'm not sure I'm in the right mindset to have a relationship right now. It really isn't fair for you for me to try right now. I'm still recovering from the past. Her final response was: What if we just clear the air when I get back? Can we chat? I don't know what there is to clear. I pretty much told her the truth and she won't stop. Thank god I didn't sleep with her, I really don't know how she would be. lol What do I say next to her. I'm trying not to be a jerk, she actually is nice but I think the timing is off.
spiderowl Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) I don't know how you chose your username but maybe it says it all. You are still emotionally involved with your ex and this girl is trying to grab your attention when you don't really have the mental space for her. It's a shame because the right guy would probably be excited to hear from her. Just tell her you are still attached to your ex, that you don't have the mental space now for a relationship and that, although she's a lovely, fun and animated girl, you had better go your separate ways. Tell her it isn't fair on her that you cannot respond as she needs. Hopefully she will realise you are trying to be kind. I know what you mean. If you feel attached to someone - even thought it isn't working out - other people tend to buzz past like flies. It is a peculiar sort of state to be in and frustrating all round. It only ends when you completely get over your ex. Edited March 1, 2017 by spiderowl
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