Her over Me? I don't understand.

[ameegirl26]

Hello friends!

I've recently found this site, and thought it might be worth a try. Here's my story short and sweet. I met Stephen when I was 22 and he was 19. We were only friends for years. When I turned 28, we decided to give it a go. It didn't last very long because he was using drugs, and broke it off with me because he knew he would only hurt me. I was upset, but moved on. We remained acquaintances sort of for years. I was in a six year relationship that fizzled and Stephen found me again. Apparently he was getting his dad's business and was clean and sober. I tried again. He was not clean and sober, and he put me through the ringer again for 3 years. It was all about the drugs. He finally left me stranded with bills-and lost his license, insurance and was not able to see his son. I moved on to another relationship for a year and although I didn't see Stephen, I always fought for his sobriety and tried to push him for help. He didn't. My year long relationship ended and Stephen came around again. He informed me that he was leaving the next day for a 3 month rehab! Hallelujah!!! The first attempt ever!

He succeeded and stayed and was so different. I never knew him sober, but it was an amazing awakening to talk to the real him. He wrote me romantic letters, and called me every night. The I Love You's poured in!!! He said he did this for me and his son. Boom! He gets out and is coming over and talking-and then he falls off radar. In a nutshell he was pulling away and said he was just busy. He then called me the day before V Day and said he wanted to be honest and that he met someone. I lost my mind! Come to find out...She's arecovering addict who has lost her kids, has no job, no car and lives on a boat with some dude. 7 days and they're suddenly in a relationship on FB. He's not even supposed to attempt a relationship for atleast 6 months out of rehab. I've never done drugs, always supported his emotions and struggles even though I suffered. Why does he want her??? She gets him sober and I spent my life GETTING HIM SOBER! It really hurts...I was his angel and ttrue love in rehab and now he wants to be friends. WTF??? Sad

[neowulf]

It's unfortunately common.

 

Reminds me of something I figured out a while ago;

 

If you're going to help someone, do it with an open heart, not expectations.

 

Don't try "fix" people in the hopes that once you do, your efforts will be rewarded.

 

I've invested time and energy into people who up and vanished from my life. Turned their back on me and walked away. You can get bitter about it if you like, but I remind myself; No one held a gun to my head. I offered them help because they needed it and because I cared for them. That's it.

 

He's moved on, decided he doesn't want a relationship with you? Well, that's his loss then isn't it. You sound like a great woman. Don't waste daylight chasing after someone who doesn't want you.

 

There's 22 billion people on the planet, you only need to find one. When you're ready, walk out that door and start looking.

[LostOnes05]

Instead of asking yourself why he wants her, ask yourself why you want him as your science project. He made a decision...much like the decision to use drugs, go/not go to rehab, find someone else. It's now your choice to leave that situation in the past and move forward with someone who is stable and wants to be with you!! Best of luck...no need to stress over a guy like this.

[PinkElephants]

You say that you talked to the real him when he got sober as if he was a completely different person. Maybe that's what happened. Addict him liked you but sober him wants something else.

 

This other woman is a recovering addict which means that, despite your harsh judgment of her, she has something in common with him that you never can. She understands him in a way that you never will. They have common ground that you can never stand on and surely you know how important that is.

 

It sounds as though your outrage comes from being denied something you're owed. You've never done drugs, you supported him, you're a good person. Therefore you're the logical choice for a relationship and that he doesn't see it is incomprehensible. Furthermore, you credit yourself with getting him sober so he should owe you a relationship with sober him instead of giving himself to a woman who didn't put in all the work refurbishing him.

 

You didn't get him sober. HE got himself sober. Whether or not he stays sober remains to be seen. You've already spent years of your life attempting to change this guy. Maybe he just saved you from spending any more. Now you have the opportunity to find someone that doesn't need fixing.