ElizabethIII Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I met this guy at a tennis club in 2013. He was one of the coaches. He asked me out for a drink and I went but I had just broken up with someone a week ago and 6 months before meeting the last guy had been cheated on in a major relationship. So after two relationships gone wrong and one so recently I wasnt up for another dating scenario but I agreed I was happy to be friends. He then later asked me by text if I was up for some comfort (ie sex). I wasnt. He tried sexting me. I just ignored. I stopped going to tennis. He occasionally added me in on group texts and emails relating to tennis club meetings. But because it was so occasional I knew he was not doing it by accident. There used to be alot more group emails before I left. I could tell he was seeing if i would bite. I found him on facebook and blocked him before he got me on there. I cannot remember the last time I heard from him. But today I get an instagram follow request from him. I havent seen him since 2013 or ever encouraged him. So do I delete his request and block or just ignore? Ignore may be better as it makes it look as if my instagram account is never used.
mikeylo Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Since you are not interested in any way, it really doesn't matter how you put him off.
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 Since you are not interested in any way, it really doesn't matter how you put him off. True. I liked him as a person though and friend and who knows what happened later....until he started the sexting. Just ugh. That put me off him so badly.
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 (edited) I block people like this. I have no interest in someone I'm not interested and I'm certain I'll never be interested in popping back into my like a bad penny. Edited February 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator typo ~6
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Ignoring him is fine but it's been 4 years & its not working. Go back to living your life. If he pops up in real life -- e.g. you seem him at the tennis club -- in no uncertain terms verbally tell him you're not interested. He may simply think you are playing hard to get.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Why don't you just come right out and TELL him, "I am not interested in seeing you either romantically or just for sex, and this will not change in the future. Do not contact me anymore"? He seems to just kind of keep mentally shrugging and going "why not?" and trying for another shot every so often, probably in a rotation along with other women. After all, you're not saying yes but you're not telling him off either, so meh, if there's at all a shot at a quickie...etc... Just TELL him not to contact you. That's so easy to do, isn't it? Speak up. 1
Samhain Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 If it's been 4 years he might just be testing the water to see if you'd be more receptive to him now a considerable amount of time has passed. Just ignore him and he'll see he's still wasting his time. At least he's not a hardcore stalker (that you know of) since there's been a 4 year time gap, you probably just crossed his mind and he wanted to check whether you were interested in reconnecting or not. Obviously you're not, so don't put too much thought into it. 1
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 This is really what made me think dont contact exes etc ever again. Because being on this side of it doesnt make you want to see them again It is just weird.
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Why don't you just come right out and TELL him, "I am not interested in seeing you either romantically or just for sex, and this will not change in the future. Do not contact me anymore"? He seems to just kind of keep mentally shrugging and going "why not?" and trying for another shot every so often, probably in a rotation along with other women. After all, you're not saying yes but you're not telling him off either, so meh, if there's at all a shot at a quickie...etc... Just TELL him not to contact you. That's so easy to do, isn't it? Speak up. Deal with enough crazy and rude men who can't handle rejection and this becomes not so easy. Much more simple to avoid and really, people aren't owed anything from anyone at that point, especially considering a lot of ppl don't view an " I'm not even slightly interested in you. Leave me alone, please" as a courtesy. If he just sees her as a vague option and could care less if she responds(which is the only thing reasonable at this point), he shouldn't care much if she ignores anyway. 1
coolheadal Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 You tolerate this you need to put an end to it. Block and make sure he can't contact you ever gain. But he knows who are. Don't want a stalker on you hands. Tell him to leave you alone otherwise you'll report him to the local police department.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Deal with enough crazy and rude men who can't handle rejection and this becomes not so easy. Much more simple to avoid and really, people aren't owed anything from anyone at that point, especially considering a lot of ppl don't view an " I'm not even slightly interested in you. Leave me alone, please" as a courtesy. If he just sees her as a vague option and could care less if she responds(which is the only thing reasonable at this point), he shouldn't care much if she ignores anyway. I did deal with exactly such men, and as a very very young girl was terrified by it, but as a grownup, I learned to deal with it. We are nowhere near "this guy is a criminal stalker" status considering the fact that she hasn't even asked one single time yet for him to not contact her so I am recommending it. She can tell him via email or whatever and if he wants to scream at her via email she can simply stop reading after the first sentence, block the username and delete the message. I doubt things will go from there but if they do, then she can deal with it. But why worry at this point about any of this - just say "stop contacting me" and maybe deal with a miffed reply, or not. If so, block. JMO...I can't see why an adult wouldn't act in this manner (be clear from a safe distance, as in via email, rather than avoiding simply based on a fear of how other men may have reacted in the past). 1
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 You tolerate this you need to put an end to it. Block and make sure he can't contact you ever gain. But he knows who are. Don't want a stalker on you hands. Tell him to leave you alone otherwise you'll report him to the local police department. I cant really report someone for occasionally cc-ing me into a group email every few months and adding me on instagram. He hasnt threatened me.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Deal with enough crazy and rude men who can't handle rejection and this becomes not so easy. Much more simple to avoid and really, people aren't owed anything from anyone at that point, especially considering a lot of ppl don't view an " I'm not even slightly interested in you. Leave me alone, please" as a courtesy. If he just sees her as a vague option and could care less if she responds(which is the only thing reasonable at this point), he shouldn't care much if she ignores anyway. Oh oops...maybe OP can consolidate this with my other one in queue? (Apparently I will be moderated literally forever based on a weird glitch.) Anyway, regarding the underlined: it's not about him not caring - I'm sure he doesn't - it's about her apparently being annoyed with this. She's the one who's annoyed, while it's no skin off his teeth. Therefore it's on her to ask him to stop. He's not motivated to. She is.
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I respect your view, Cali. I didn't mean to imply this man is necessarily dangerous. Actually, it's been more situations where men have been like "hey you ;)"and I'm like ugh and say "not interested, sorry" and they're all "well **** you, you ****. I wasn't interested in you anyway, can't a man say hello" lol.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I respect your view, Cali. I didn't mean to imply this man is necessarily dangerous. Actually, it's been more situations where men have been like "hey you ;)"and I'm like ugh and say "not interested, sorry" and they're all "well **** you, you ****. I wasn't interested in you anyway, can't a man say hello" lol. Yes. This is real, I know. When I was just 19 and working full-time I had such a screaming humiliation hurled at me for daring to say "no" that I literally cried with my boss in the room. I think many women have been in this place so I get that. I think it's much easier today, when you can do this sort of thing via email or text. Some people say that's a coward's way. I don't. No is still no.
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 You should have filed a complaint with the club owners when this first happened. Most have a policy against dating or propositioning clients because male tennis pros are notorious for pulling this crap with women using the club (who then stop coming to avoid the harassment and awkwardness). Unfortunately, at this point your only real choice is to ignore him or block him. Any other response will just encourage him. Treat him as if he doesn't exist. I agree with the poster who says you're in his rotation whenever he starts fishing. Eventually with enough radio silence and ignoring, he'll give up. It's going to take quite a while though.
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I respect your view, Cali. I didn't mean to imply this man is necessarily dangerous. Actually, it's been more situations where men have been like "hey you ;)"and I'm like ugh and say "not interested, sorry" and they're all "well **** you, you ****. I wasn't interested in you anyway, can't a man say hello" lol. :lmao: I always have a hard time not laughing when they do this. 1
preraph Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 I met this guy at a tennis club in 2013. He was one of the coaches. He asked me out for a drink and I went but I had just broken up with someone a week ago and 6 months before meeting the last guy had been cheated on in a major relationship. So after two relationships gone wrong and one so recently I wasnt up for another dating scenario but I agreed I was happy to be friends. He then later asked me by text if I was up for some comfort (ie sex). I wasnt. He tried sexting me. I just ignored. I stopped going to tennis. He occasionally added me in on group texts and emails relating to tennis club meetings. But because it was so occasional I knew he was not doing it by accident. There used to be alot more group emails before I left. I could tell he was seeing if i would bite. I found him on facebook and blocked him before he got me on there. I cannot remember the last time I heard from him. But today I get an instagram follow request from him. I havent seen him since 2013 or ever encouraged him. So do I delete his request and block or just ignore? Ignore may be better as it makes it look as if my instagram account is never used. Block him because even ignoring, he may take as encouragement. Just block him every way imaginable and don't say a word to him. People who can't take "no" for an answer don't give a crap how uncomfortable they are making you, and that is how you know that they are NOT good people! 3
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 Block him because even ignoring, he may take as encouragement. Just block him every way imaginable and don't say a word to him. People who can't take "no" for an answer don't give a crap how uncomfortable they are making you, and that is how you know that they are NOT good people! I honestly cant remember the last time i got a message from him. I thought that was it. Just when I think he has gone there he is again. It is never direct contact as in a personal text. It is always cc-ing me in a group text or email. it looks as though it is a brand new instagram account opened today. There is a function on it that searches your contacts and you just need to press one button that says follow all. Hopefully he did that rather than add me individually. Maybe it was oversight. I rejected the follow request and blocked him. Hopefully that is it this time. 1
GoldSparkz Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) Yea. You don't care about this guy at all ... so much that instead of ignoring this minor thing, you go to an online forum and write about him. I think the OP had a valid reason to reach out to people here for advice. The problem with getting unwanted attention in this way, is that you don't know whether you are being paranoid about the person harassing you or whether your concerns are warranted. I have experience dealing with this type of over interest from a guy, and I find that the it starts off with the messages, then phone calls and then before you know it, you're being followed or watched. The problem starts off minor (as you say) and then escalates. As for raising her concerns on the forum, sometimes you need to hear views from others to gauge whether your concerns are valid or like I said, you are being paranoid. In this case, the guy has made repeated efforts to contact the OP via a selection of methods, despite the fact that she hasn't said or done anything to give the impression that she is still interested. She doesn't owe him anything after one date - not even a verbal rejection. If she hasn't responded to his earlier messages, then take that as a sign that she isn't interested. Edited February 22, 2017 by GoldSparkz Spelling 2
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 I think the OP had a valid reason to reach out to people here for advice. The problem with getting unwanted attention in this way, is that you don't know whether you are being paranoid about the person harassing you or whether your concerns are warranted. I have experience dealing with this type of over interest from a guy, and I find that the it starts off with the messages, then phone calls and then before you know it, you're being followed or watched. The problem starts off minor (as you say) and then escalates. As for raising her concerns on the forum, sometimes you need to hear views from others to gauge whether your concerns are valid or like I said, you are being paranoid. In this case, the guy has made repeated efforts to contact the OP via a selection of methods, despite the fact that she hasn't said or done anything to give the impression that she is still interested. She doesn't owe him anything after one date - not even a verbal rejection. If she hasn't responded to his earlier messages, then take that as a sign that she isn't interested. Thank you. I ignored open courts rude reply. I dont get peoples nasty attitude on here sometimes. I went on one date with this guy in september 2013. 3 and a half years ago. I told him outright I didnt want serious or to date. Then he stayed in contact just friendly. He progressed to asking for sex. I said no way. He kept randomly throwing in my face that i could have some comfort with him but didnt want it. He was annoyed with me. I cut him off completely. I blocked text messages. So he randomly copied me into emails about tennis tournaments at the club I no longer attend. Then when I joined whatsapp he uses that and i get copied into a group message about attending Christmas parties with the tennis club. I ignored the whatsapp then when he joins instagram i get added. He's tried everything. I found him and blocked him on facebook first years ago. I was wondering if I was being paranoid but 3.5 years is just plain weird
preraph Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 I honestly cant remember the last time i got a message from him. I thought that was it. Just when I think he has gone there he is again. It is never direct contact as in a personal text. It is always cc-ing me in a group text or email. it looks as though it is a brand new instagram account opened today. There is a function on it that searches your contacts and you just need to press one button that says follow all. Hopefully he did that rather than add me individually. Maybe it was oversight. I rejected the follow request and blocked him. Hopefully that is it this time. Good. Glad you blocked him. Don't make excuses for him or feel sorry. Look at it this way, if it's intentional, he knows he's making you uncomfortable. If it's not intentional, then he won't care if you blocked him. 1
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