Kisar Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 I do not know what to do. It seems as though life always blows me a bad blow. I am 31 and have been married for three years. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. When I met him he was an illegal immigrant, we finally married and now he has his US citizenship. Though we were involved fo many years and already had a child before we got married, I do somehow feel like he only married me for the papers. For the past few years I have flet like this man hates me. His family lives in another state. He does not allow me to visit them but he visits them quite frequently, he states that he is not close to them and does not want me to be either. He works mega hours to the point where he sometimes does not come home or comes home very late (I can verify most of the time that he is working). He has admitted to cheating on me in the past but states that he has not done it recently. A few weeks ago he decided to leave...did not say anything or call. He says that he is tired of living in such an unahppy situation. I agree that it is unhappy but I feel like he does not realize the huge part he plays in it. He has never done anything to try to make it better. We have a 7 year old daughter and I am currently 2 months pregant. He does not encouarge me to have an abortion but admits that are future togtehr is grimm. He is out of our home right now and says that he is staying with a friend. I am so sad because all I can think abou is him sleeping around, him not loving me... I feel so sad. I have no friends to talk nor do I have family that I am close enough to express my feelings. Is it normal to feel so sad and what can I do. I aheve honestly thought about ending my life but I feel like it is not a good choce seeing where I love my daughter so much. It just makes me so sad that someone can hurt another like that a be so nonchalant. My heart is broken, I feel like I am not attractive, which is why he does not want to be with me. I am jealous when he communicates with our daughter in a loving manner and not me. There is so much anyone have any suggestions. I need advice on getting over it or feeling an ounce better. Thanks.
apple Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 I'm hearing you. Boy have you been through heaps. You sound like you are hurting so much at the moment and that enough is a lot to handle (I also do not have close friends and family to lean on). I am going through some horrible things too at the moment but I just want to encourage you that you are important. You are feeling quite low because of your self-esteem which is understandable. There are lots of things that could be said right now but I will only say that you try with all your heart to value yourself as much as your partner. He is not the be all and end all to your life, even though it feels like it right now. Try to have time for yourself eg: baths, eat well. I know that does seem much but at the moment you may be in survival mode. Which means you must look after yourself and children. You will be able to deal with this situation better if you have rest, food and pampering. Don't bother with suicide, sometimes it is the only way we think we have to get out of situations and pain. Pain and hurt always passes. Know this I care enough about you to write to you even though I cannot 'fix' the situation. You are not alone. There are always answers if we are willing to hear and learn. I hope you find some people on this site that you will relate too. I hope you find the support you need. Be kind to yourself
immizunderstood Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Grrl.... This man is playing you. You need to give that man some tough love. Leave him and be strong b/c he's playing both sides of the field. For the main fact he still sleeps with you and then doesn't have a care as to whether or not you keep this child something is wrong. Please for your mental state leave him and give that man a strict dose of NC.
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