SerPundnes Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Hey, I still work with my ex and it has gotten easier the last month, BUT: - I got a colleague that is also a good friend of mine (or was), he have been saying I am his best friend - Soon after my ex dumped me, he started moving in on her. Telling me how good friends they two have become, and started working out at the same gym, driving her home from work - I think this is all him, "following" her around (gym, driving her home from work) - I told my shrink about this and he told me he is not a worthy friend to have. He is gonna make a move on her some day - The thing is, he is TERRIBLE with women. Allways being friend zoned, has been with 1 girl that went tits up. He seriously knows nothing about females, but I can't help myself from thinking WHAT IF something happends between him and my ex?! I 99.9% belive that is just my mind playing tricks on me, but still! - I have been NC with ex for 3 months, and NC for 1,5 months with my "friend". And I think this is the only right thing to do. "Silence speaks louder than words" right? - I am starting to regret the NC now, because I know nothing about any of them! All the WHAT IFS is driving me crazy! And it's too late now to ask any of them (and that would be awkward). And I really want to handle this with my pride intact, and I feel I can only do that by distancing me from them/not talk to them. But then again, my "friend" is a sneaky guy, and might be thinking "Oh! Hes not talking to me, that means we are no longer friends, so this is my shot!" What do you guys think about this? Am I doing the right thing? I am looking calm on the outside, but BOILING on the inside! I wanna punch a brick wall til my hand falls off! Over to another thing: Lately I have noticed my ex really going in for getting a laugh when I'm around! Like a silence "Hey ex, look over here! I'm doing fine because I'm so happy and laughing all the time!" Last week I was talkig with a colleague when she was nearby, and it was almost like she was looking for someone to make her laugh, so she started talking to another colleague really fast and started laughing loud! I don't know if this means anything, if she is trying to get under my skin or something, but it really dosen't bother me, just something I've noticed. Opinions, tips and advices greatly appriceated! Thanks!
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 She is your ex, what she does, who she sees, what she laughs at, who she sleeps with, is none of your business any more. I know it is difficult to remain in NC, because you work together, but maybe you should consider a new job if it bothers you this much. 3
mikeylo Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 You need to stop thinking about her. Can't you change your jobs ?
Author SerPundnes Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 You need to stop thinking about her. Can't you change your jobs ? Really? Is there nothing to say about my "friend"? Just change job? My job is too good, so I don't think that's an option (yet).
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Really? Is there nothing to say about my "friend"? Just change job? My job is too good, so I don't think that's an option (yet). You can't control your friend, he will do what he wants to do, as will your ex. The are both free agents, she is NOT your gf any longer. YOU can talk to him, you can threaten him, you can cause a huge stink but at the end of the day he is well within his rights to pursue your EX gf, 1
SevenCity Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 She is your ex, what she does, who she sees, what she laughs at, who she sleeps with, is none of your business any more. I know it is difficult to remain in NC, because you work together, but maybe you should consider a new job if it bothers you this much. Of course, but it doesn't mean that you can magically flip a switch and turn off your feelings. Op - your friend is a scum bag. I'm sure he knows how getting with her would hurt you. Cut him out of your life and move on. You will meet people who put your interests above their own selfishness. This is a clear violation of the bro code - something I've never done nor will I ever do. If he does get with her remember you had her first. Perhaps immature but when guys would do this to me when I was young I would say "How does my d$&k taste?" Or if I got a new girl I would say "Hey, let me know if you think she's hot as you're probsbly gonna want my sloppy seconds again". Or "Does she still like it when you do x?" Lol - those lines were in my 20s but still funny. I don't say that stuff anymore but it still makes me chuckle Important thing is to move on and try to realize you no longer have to worry about her because it's not your f'in problem anymore. Find happiness in that. All the worries about how she is, how she's doing with problem x, or any other issues are now not your concern. 1
Author SerPundnes Posted February 21, 2017 Author Posted February 21, 2017 Of course, but it doesn't mean that you can magically flip a switch and turn off your feelings. Op - your friend is a scum bag. I'm sure he knows how getting with her would hurt you. Cut him out of your life and move on. You will meet people who put your interests above their own selfishness. This is a clear violation of the bro code - something I've never done nor will I ever do. If he does get with her remember you had her first. Perhaps immature but when guys would do this to me when I was young I would say "How does my d$&k taste?" Or if I got a new girl I would say "Hey, let me know if you think she's hot as you're probsbly gonna want my sloppy seconds again". Or "Does she still like it when you do x?" Lol - those lines were in my 20s but still funny. I don't say that stuff anymore but it still makes me chuckle Important thing is to move on and try to realize you no longer have to worry about her because it's not your f'in problem anymore. Find happiness in that. All the worries about how she is, how she's doing with problem x, or any other issues are now not your concern. Haha, I love this! Thanks! Well yes, I really am not a big fan of my "friend" anymore. I confronted him with this stuff a while ago, and he told me "tell me if you think I'm crossing the line here". And I told him I thought he was crossing the line. Buuut looks like he dosen't care about his so called best friend. It's just too funny, I know I was an idiot dating someone from work, but what HE is doing: Maaaaaaybe dating someone from work wich is his so called best friends ex. Oh wow, talk about sinking low. I guess I should've expect something like this, as he got zero friends outside work. He got no place to communicate with women, so his easy route to women is our colleagues. He is "friend-flirting" with all our female collagues. I just get so mad, as I was really counting on the guy when I got dumped. Really regret sharing info about her/our relationship with him!
keiji Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Your friend is a jerk. Well, he's actually not your friend, so I would kick him out of your life if I were you. Of course, by doing this she'll know you still care about her, but I don't think it matters. Having that guy nearby will eventually get on your nerves and you may do something you regret later. Stay away from both. You'll get burned.
Maldives Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Ur handling working wth ur ex a lot better than I too hav a good job so it's n9t easy to walk away my ex does that laughs all the time and it does get under my skin I donno how long u guys were together but we were together 6 yrs. I struggle being there its been about 5 mths now broken up 3 mths officially. Sometimes I think she's doing it on purpose to rile me up other times I'm not so sure I just try and ignore her which is hard because my team has to sit next to hers but I solved it for now by asking management to move me over to the other side of the building. Out of mind out of site it's worked taken 90 percent of the issue away. The only always part is wen we finish the same time and going home. Anyway, that happened to me wth my previous experience and my so called good friend of 15 yrs they actually did cheat behind my back wen she was still wth me. Thanks was a long time ago but if he ever called me and wanted to say sory I'd tell him to f/off I've never forgiven him just forgotten about it would never be friends wth him again and to answer ur question finally yes he is trying to get wth her it's obvious taking her to the gym same places don't ever be friends wth him again his not a friend but ur enemy a true friend wouldn't do that no matter how good looking ur ex was. And she's just as bad ifor she hooks up wthere him. No etiquette. Do ureself a favour and remove these two peices of trash from ur life and move on and forward.
teddyzain Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Really? Is there nothing to say about my "friend"? Just change job? My job is too good, so I don't think that's an option (yet). That situation would make me crazy as well. But what can you do? Most outcomes in life are not about what happens to you but how you react. So, if you punch this guy it may lead to a charge and then you're really screwed. So, this "friend" is definitely a dick. But now its about how you control yourself and eventually get over it, because you will get over it. As with all our girlfriends one day they eventually mean nothing. In my case its been a succession of one after the other. 4 have hurt me and that was because I was really into them. Many of the rest are still friends. Of the 4 only my recent ex-fiance means anything and evokes harsh feelings (she left 1 month ago). The rest I'm indifferent to and you will be indifferent to her, remember that. And if you get the chance for a new comparable job, go for it and remove yourself from that toxic environment.
JGB Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Your boy sounds like an A1 jerk-off and he was obviously scamming on her the whole time you guys were together. He was never really a friend to start with. He will crash and burn with her. Push it out of your mind, vanguard your thoughts, and soon you won't give a damn about either of them. It just takes time. I can't imagine how hard it would be to work in a situation like that. Surround yourself with positivity and greatness, dude. You'll make it through better in the end.
SevenCity Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Haha, I love this! Thanks! Well yes, I really am not a big fan of my "friend" anymore. I confronted him with this stuff a while ago, and he told me "tell me if you think I'm crossing the line here". And I told him I thought he was crossing the line. Buuut looks like he dosen't care about his so called best friend. It's just too funny, I know I was an idiot dating someone from work, but what HE is doing: Maaaaaaybe dating someone from work wich is his so called best friends ex. Oh wow, talk about sinking low. I guess I should've expect something like this, as he got zero friends outside work. He got no place to communicate with women, so his easy route to women is our colleagues. He is "friend-flirting" with all our female collagues. I just get so mad, as I was really counting on the guy when I got dumped. Really regret sharing info about her/our relationship with him! I disagree with the "free agent" line posted above. Here's the thing if one of your "friends" pursues your ex: They liked them all along and were doing things (consciously or unconsciously) to sabotage your RLThey lack the balls to get a girl on their own - they were allowing you to do the leg work of hooking her and getting her in the circle and then swoop inThey were never really happy for you and secretly resented you out of jealousy. And that jealousy will continue if they get together knowing you had her first and will likely be compared. There are so many women out there a guy shouldn't consider an ex of a friend fair game unless you make it clear that you are ok with it. It's scumbag behavior that will bite him in the ass on day. Even if he does get her it won't last and he will come crawling back to you for support. Tell him "F off d-bag".
Author SerPundnes Posted March 14, 2017 Author Posted March 14, 2017 Saw them walk of together from work today. He was prob gonna drive her home. Oh my god, I'm boiling! I almost broke my phone in half! Please guys, tell me it's gonna turn out ok in the end! I need some sweet words! I had a talk with him about 2 weeks ago, and he told me he understood and that he was gonna stop. Look how it turned out!
PegNosePete Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 Yes, prob gonna drive her home and have sex in the same sheets that you used to have sex in. Why are you still talking with him? Goodness, are you a masochist? You seem to be doing everything you possibly can to prolong your pain and torture. Just don't talk to either of them ever again. What they do is their own business, now. Nothing to do with you.
AT15 Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 Say and Do nothing. You have to play ignorant now. Give it your best Oscar worthy performance. He's a djck for crossing boundaries. She's just using him. Play ignorant and stoic. 1
keiji Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 Don't ever speak to them again and of course don't approach them about the whole episode. Your ex has no qualms in sleeping with a "friend" of yours. That guy is not your friend and never was, so this doesn't even amount to a betrayal. Show some pride and simply ignore them. They've already made it pretty clear that you cannot trust them. And they don't seem to care, either.
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