raidmax Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I met this girl around 5 years ago. I am currently 25 and she is 23. Even tough we live nearly an hour away from each other, we made our best to meet often. After 3.5 years in the relationship, we broke up. To tell you the truth I can hardly remember the exact reason for why we broke up. I kept full NC during the break up. After a year, out of the blue, I received a text message from her. She told me how much she missed me and that she would really like to talk again. I did not date anyone during this time, mainly because I was still under her spell. I met her. We started talking again. This was 6 months ago. During these 6 months, we had our ups and downs. We broke up many times. I have to admit, I was almost the one that broke up her. Every time there is an argument, she makes use of the "black and white thinking". At that moment, in her mind, I become the worst boyfriend ever. Every sacrifice I made for her will be forgotten and she will start accusing me of doing nothing for her, that I don't love her, that I am cheating on her, that I do not respect her... These accusations would not make sense in my mind, I would not able to make a proper logical argument with her. During these moments, I will be so wound up, that I would leave her. She always came back, begging to take her back. I accepted her, every-time. She became comfortable with asking me for another chance because I made her feel comfortable by always giving her another chance, I can't blame her. Lately we broke up for the following reasons: She has 2 male friends. She went on a couple of dates with one of them before she met me. She kept friends with them, mainly because they have class with each other. A few weeks ago, they invite her to go for a couple of drinks with them, on a Friday night. I objected to this idea and we spent an entire week fighting on this matter. She simply ignored the fact that I found this somewhat disrespecting. She also told me that during her difficult times, they have been there for her more than me. This really hurt me because I knew that this was not true. I broke up with her because I got tired of fighting on this matter. She kept using the black and white thinking. I simply would not go on a Friday night with a couple of women which I used to date while I was in a relationship. She came back after a couple of days and she apologized. She also told me that she understood my point of view and that she will not do anything else that might hinder our relationship. She also told me that even tough we broke up, she did not go out with these two guys. Her cousin is adopted, he is 23. She thinks that her aunt is a bad mother to him. She told me that he takes drugs and that he is passing from a hard time. I have never met her cousin. Lately she started acting as his mother. She keeps driving him to work and back, everyday. They call and text message each other many times a day. Shes invites him and his aunt to watch movies together. During the week we barley meet, due to work and the distance between us. Usually we meet half way. During the week we meet for just 2 hours. She told me that she has arranged with her cousin and aunt that each Wednesday we would hang out with them, to watch a movie. I told her that the few time that we have for each other during the week, I would like to spend them with her. After all, I am dating her and not her cousin and aunt. She objected. She kept telling that I do nothing for her and her family. This again is not true. I cannot count the number of times that I spent hours driving to her home to hang out with her, mother and sister. During these 6 months she never drove to my home. Due to this I broke with her again. I am now NC again. I have wrote this because I am confused. I cannot stop thinking on whether I have done the right decision by breaking up with her again. Thank you for reading this. I know that only I have experienced this relationship, but your input will greatly help me in dealing with my emotions.
preraph Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Well, sounds like you two have some philosophical differences and she doesn't always like the way you think, so that's serious. The fact you don't know why you broke up means you might be the one not paying attention! And how she spends her time, well, that's her choice. Having a girlfriend doesn't mean her giving up her friends and family social life.
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 After a significant gap in time you two tried it again. This 6 months hasn't been a good healthy relationship. The break up cycle is the best evidence of the dysfunction. End it & leave it ended.
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