phoenix333 Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 You may remember my posts. My gf needed space. Well, after a week, I called her, and we talked, we talked about all of our concerns. She said that she wanted to stay together. We were both sounding really happy, and very connected to each other on the phone. I thought we had it all worked out. She thanked me for calling, and said that she was so glad that I did. She said she didn't want to lose me. I was feeling so much better, and so was she. She didn't want any more space. (We are long distance) I felt so happy. The next day I sent her a small gift to express my feeilngs, which she would have received four days ago. Well, I haven't heard a word from her. No phone calls. No emails. Nothing! She's gone silent yet again! What the heck is going on here? I feel so confused. Has anyone ever been through this sort of thing? What should I do? I'm so lost right now.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 She said she didn't want to lose me. People who don't want to lose someone actually make efforts to make sure they don't. If she was into this as much as you are, she wouldn't have left you hanging like this for several days. It sounds like she has just enough emotional investment in you to keep you around, and so little that you are pretty much 'out of sight, out of mind' until she feels that you might be slipping away. If you start to slip away, she'll feed you just enough line to reel you back in. If the relationship starts to go back to the same one that she 'needed space' from, then she'll loosen the line enough to let you drift off to a comfortable distance for her. Never doubt that she is still holding on to the end of the line. She just doesn't really have enough of an emotional investment to actually reel you all the way in, and make a solid catch of you. What to do? Obviously, she needs her "space", so perhaps you should be generous and give her the maximum amount of space: a breakup followed by solid 'no contact'.
Author phoenix333 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 I cannot handle this much "space" within a relationship. To me it seems really bizarre. She must be interested in someone else. I feel ignored Why would she keep me on a string?
upsetnhurt Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 PHOENIX, this happens to tons of other people so don't feel that you are the only poor guy to go through this. You mention that this space issue is bizzare for any relationship....and you are correct! That is why you have broken up and are not in a relationship with her anymore and you need to recognize that. I am in the same situation and Lucrezia is right....the ex's only give enough string to keep you involved and interested yet not enough to show that they are willing to make it work between the two of you. I woke up this morning angry as hell and have decided that if that is how little my ex feels for me at the moment, then that is it time to move on myself and find other things to make me happy. Your ex doesn't deserve your feelings and you need to show her what it will be like without you. A week won't cut it...neither will a month........unfortunately there is no set time yet if it is too soon you risk her only missing you for the moment rather than for a lifetime.
Author phoenix333 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 what makes this really hard for me is that we never officially broke up...she told me she needed space, I gave her space, she said she still wanted to be with me...now this silence her words and actions don't match though but ya, we deserve better...I just wish I had the truth, you know what I mean?
upsetnhurt Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 The problem is that we will never get the truth because they don't even know why they are acting a certain way. You better believe that you both are no longer together. Actions speak louder than words and her actions denote that she is not interested in putting in the effort to make you both successful. It doesn't matter how much you are willing to do so, without her effort it will be fruitless. She has issues to deal with and only she can sort through them. What she needs is space and what you need is to space yourself away too. Don't call her back and have some respect for yourself as you deserve better. Let her face the reality that she lost you and needs to face life now without you. I know it will be hard as you care for her yet unfortunately not everone we date is the right one....if it was it would be all to easy. Consider yourself lucky actually as you know this now rather than later. Take it from me when I say please do not call her and beg her back and cry as to why you just don't understand. that attempt will be futile as she is the one with the problems and should be doing it to you.
Author phoenix333 Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 Thanks. I need to read true words like these. It hurts...but it helps.
thegame Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 it really dissapoints me how women react to men that love them....i would do anything in the world to get into a girls head and c what they think and how they think ever since my breakup my ex got over it the same day and now she has a bf and all this is less then a month now
thegame Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 yup less then a month an guess what is in her profile too "7/20/05-having the time of my life on cloud 9" as if i never exsisted
sundrop Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by thegame it really dissapoints me how women react to men that love them....i would do anything in the world to get into a girls head and c what they think and how they think Interesting, I think the same thing about guys. Would love to knwo why, yall do the things yall do.
thegame Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop Originally posted by thegame it really dissapoints me how women react to men that love them....i would do anything in the world to get into a girls head and c what they think and how they think Interesting, I think the same thing about guys. Would love to knwo why, yall do the things yall do. its really complicated...neither u or me can solve it, this will always be a mystery to all men/women i am still hurting so much cuz i never thought the only person i truly loved walked out on me just like that with no good reason
l2hvn Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by phoenix333 You may remember my posts. My gf needed space. Well, after a week, I called her, and we talked, we talked about all of our concerns. She said that she wanted to stay together. We were both sounding really happy, and very connected to each other on the phone. I thought we had it all worked out. She thanked me for calling, and said that she was so glad that I did. She said she didn't want to lose me. I was feeling so much better, and so was she. She didn't want any more space. (We are long distance) I felt so happy. The next day I sent her a small gift to express my feeilngs, which she would have received four days ago. Well, I haven't heard a word from her. No phone calls. No emails. Nothing! She's gone silent yet again! What the heck is going on here? I feel so confused. Has anyone ever been through this sort of thing? What should I do? I'm so lost right now. you didn't do anything wrong. you did your best. it sucks. but it will heal in time. there's always a risk when choosing to be with someone. but how would you know real happiness if you don't take a risk? you did your best. and she didn't respond to the same way you were hoping. so you just have to let her go. i know it's easier said than done. the wrong people walk away so the right one can walk in. remember that.
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