Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 He just texted me "Hey, what's up." I'm so tempted to text him... I just saw him at work from a distance, so to him it looks like I didn't see him. Basically I saw him but he doesn't know I saw him, but he saw me.
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Now that I think about it. I'm not sure if that picture was taken that Saturday. It could have been taken that Friday because he was off. I know it sounds crazy, but the picture was taken during daylight. So if he took the picture after work ok Saturday it would have been dark outside. Oooooohhhh mmmmyyyyy gosh. Does this change anything? Maybe he wasn't lying. But... he still didn't apologize for cancelling and didn't reschedule either. And he didn't text me from Friday all the way to Wednesday. And he only texted me on Wednesday because he saw me at work. Maybe he's trying to reschedule with me but he doesn't want to come right out and say it on text. Should I text him back just to see what he wants?
marky00 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) Hey, Just letting you know I am going through something similar. Although in my case it was a 9 yr relationship and we have technically been broken up for 2 years. I have been getting "the how are you, how's your life going messages" for the last 2 months. That was after about 8 month total NC. In all cases, I have ignored the messages. Has it been hard to ignore? Absolutely. I was feeling the same like you, like why should I be the one to put the last nail in the coffin when I didn't even want the breakup. I usually feel messed up for a week or so after the messages but I usually settle down and feel better again. I would suggest you always try and give yourself a week or so after you get the contact so you can let your emotions calm down. At that point, you will probably realise there is no point responding. It is hard to know why they do this stuff. Definitely hard to know what their angle is. But think of it this way, by not responding, if there is anything relatively important on their mind, the only way that will likely come out is if you maintain a hard No Contact stance until a message worthy of a response comes around. Every time you reply to half-baked messages, you just settle their nerves and they will likely disappear for weeks or months until they need another feel good quick-fix from you. The advantage you and I have is that since we have been mistreated, we have every right to maintain NC for as long as we wish. It's pretty much the only time you can ignore someone and have no guilt about it at all. You are simply teaching the other person that should they engage with you, you will only respond if a clear and direct message comes your way. Think of this example. An old friend sends you a message and says "hi". You don't really have to reply to that message if your busy or w/e since that person made no commitment at all regarding their motives. Now another friend says "hey, do you want to go down to the beach". Now, in this case, it would be proper and within your interests to reply since that person has put some investment into the message. So, in summary you don't need to feel bad for ignoring a lame "hey, how are you" message because the person sending it isn't really very invested in a reply anyway. And since that person has mistreated you in the past, you have a second reason to just ignore it. Hope that helps. Edited February 24, 2017 by marky00 1
Miss Spider Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 Delane, I don't really think it matters if we was telling the truth or he went out with others that day. Because like you said, if he wasn't playing games he would have apologized and rescheduled promptly. What's up is another breadcrumb but Since you are probably going to be too tempted not to answer him, make sure when you do answer it is brief and cordial. I'd even suggest that if he asks to meet up again telling him are have plans that day or you're not sure if you'll be free but you tell him a day you are free. It at least says to him that you are not waiting to jump at the next time he asks you out, but if really does want to date again, he will go by your schedule. If he ever does it again, no excuses and block him if you need to. Don't let him continue to string your heart along with false hope
Author DelaneSi Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Delane, I don't really think it matters if we was telling the truth or he went out with others that day. Because like you said, if he wasn't playing games he would have apologized and rescheduled promptly. What's up is another breadcrumb but Since you are probably going to be too tempted not to answer him, make sure when you do answer it is brief and cordial. I'd even suggest that if he asks to meet up again telling him are have plans that day or you're not sure if you'll be free but you tell him a day you are free. It at least says to him that you are not waiting to jump at the next time he asks you out, but if really does want to date again, he will go by your schedule. If he ever does it again, no excuses and block him if you need to. Don't let him continue to string your heart along with false hope I don't think I'm going to text him I think it's a breadcrumb too. I'm sure he's just going to ask me how I'm doing a it'll be a "small talk" conversation. But I'm so curious to know if I respond, he'll lead the conversation to asking if I wanted to go out again. And now I'll never know since I'm not going to respond. I know it sounds crazy but I feel so mean not texting him back. I don't want to look bitter. 1
Zahara Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I don't think I'm going to text him I think it's a breadcrumb too. I'm sure he's just going to ask me how I'm doing a it'll be a "small talk" conversation. But I'm so curious to know if I respond, he'll lead the conversation to asking if I wanted to go out again. And now I'll never know since I'm not going to respond. I know it sounds crazy but I feel so mean not texting him back. I don't want to look bitter. He went from consistently texting you (blowing smoke up your bum) to falling off the radar, then circling back with one word text messages. It's game playing. Again, when a man wants you, trust he will have more to say than hey, hey you, hey what up -- he's just wondering where little Miss Ego Stroke has gone.
Zahara Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 (edited) But I'm so curious to know if I respond, he'll lead the conversation to asking if I wanted to go out again. And now I'll never know since I'm not going to respond. I know it sounds crazy but I feel so mean not texting him back. I don't want to look bitter. Why are you curious? He's already shown you who he is? You need to go for Round 2? One round of dissing wasn't enough for you to show you what he's made of? When people show you who they are, believe them. You feel mean? It's called having self-respect. There's nothing mean or bitter about setting a boundary with someone who only wants to toy with your emotions. You want to look like the "nice girl" in his eyes -- you can but that will only show him that you are open to tolerating disrespect. Edited February 24, 2017 by Zahara
Recommended Posts