smile Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 Man I thought that getting a new car, moving, and all around starting over was going to help me not miss my ex. WRONG. Turns out not having him to share these things with makes me even sadder. I know that we ended terribly and this last year he was awful. I know that even if he was here he wouldn't be the guy I dated. But I miss him so much. He was my best friend. And yes I have other friends and yes we hang out and talk about other things but there just seems to be a kind of empty space. It's like I miss him more now than I did when we first broke up. When we broke up last year he was still in my life. We had the phone bill and we talked. Now that we have split the bill a year later and I realized being around him wasn't healthy for either of us it is really over. We were so close this last year but never back together. And I just don't understand why. Yes I know he doesn't want me. But that doesn't help me understand his actions and words. They never really jive with eachother. I guess what I am saying is it's over and it hurts. And I was wondering... is there anything i can do? I mean so in those quiet moments alone I don't feel this horrible emptiness? I know that sounds dumb but I am the one who decided we couldn't see eachother anymore and I don't regret that because things were getting too weird and complicated. I wasn't being respected. But I am the one who asked for this and I am the one who misses him.
SilentLucidity Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 I hate that you're going through this, but at least you realized it wasn't healthy and did the right thing by ending it. You're asking for advice about how to move on. The best advice that anyone can give you is to take up a new hobby. Do something you've always wanted to do but couldn't while in a relationship. Or start spending more time doing other hobbies in which you actually love and enjoy. Don't forget the most important thing, take time for yourself, you also need to allow yourself to grieve but don't get too down and if you feel you're getting too down then I suggest you start either exercising to raise your endorphin level or that you seek some medical help. But use that as a last resort. I think you self medicate by feeling better and through that comes exercise. Remember to get plenty of rest, eat well, and take care of you.
mustangsally Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 "But I am the one who asked for this and I am the one who misses him." there is no rule on that. I mean anyone can do the breaking and it can lead to either or party feeling really bad. sometimes the dumper takes it better than the dumpee. So chin up...things will be okay. I think you miss the idea of being with him more than him...because he turned into something not so great.
Author smile Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Thank you both so much. I appreciate your support. I am having the worse case of insomnia. I just can't seem to fall asleep I am so worried about this and that. I keep myself busy but there are things everywhere that remind me of him. Why can't ex's disappear? It would make my world easier. I was having a great day showing off my new car and I was just driving home. Minding my own business and feeling so proud and independent. Then I saw him (or at least someone who looked like him). He was in an other car... and BAM there it was again. Whether it was him or not the reality is that I am not sharing this with him. My new things and new experiences are no longer shared with him. And even tho I know it's how I am to move on... I just miss having him there to share my life with. And it just feels so dumb... like my insides are at war.. as if I had multiple personalities. I can rationalize being his friend again, then say no its better we are apart , then I think we will be together again we HAVE to, then I think no I dont want that. It all feels so overdramatic. Like my emotions are on soap opera mode. Has anyone been through this... I mean felt this way too? Can anyone relate? Does it get easier? Is this a stage of moving on? Am I close to the end?
Bogun Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Yeah i know exactly how you feel. For long periods now I feel like Im over my ex and that if she called I'd happily ignore her, and if she came running back saying she wanted to get back with me I'd calmly explain to her that it can't happen. And there are days where I think about the future and being just friends with her and how nice it would be, but then part of me says "yeah right, like you'd be able to be just friends", or "are you kidding, I dont want to be friends with someone that walked away from me like I meant nothing". But there also seems to be a part of me that occassionally pops up and really misses the times I spent with her and I think "we were so close and I know I meant so much to her, maybe we'll get back together in a few years". So seeing as there's at least one other person going through the same roller coaster ride as you, its probably quite normal. Are you close to the end? I dont know. But you're certainly closer than you were yesterday.
SilentLucidity Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Been through what you're going through. When we break up however it can be a very hard and trying time even though the other person made us miserable. It takes awhile to get them out of our system. Think of it this way, you're 'kicking the bad habit'. He being the bad habit. He wasn't good for you and you're to be commended on doing what you know is right. You're taking a huge step for your well being. Be strong and hang in there, I assure you it will get better. It takes time and don't allow your mind to rationalize it. When you start rationlizing it you need to also look back on all the unhealthy things that happened. He hasn't changed in the short amount of time that you've broken up with him. Keep your head up. You'll get through this!
Author smile Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 But I didn't break up with him . I just called off this unhealhty sleeping together, being best friends, talking about everything, being a part of eachother's families thing that he never considered a second chance at our relationship. When I even suggested that is how it felt to me he made it sound like I was crazy and obsessive. I am afraid of so much right now. I am afraid I will see him, I am afraid I wont ever see him again. I am afriad he will call, I am afraid he won't ever call. I am afraid he is unhappy and I am so scared he is a million times happier without me. I am afraid I will never feel that comfortable and safe with an other person ever again. I am afraid of being alone and I am afraid of changing into something I am not to settle for less than I want. Are these normal fears to have? It has been about a week and a half now that we haven't seen eachother. I know that isn't a long time but it just feels more definite this time. You know no cell phone bill to make sure I see him. Maybe I am just scared because my whole world is changing and I am doing it alone.. and maybe that is why this is doubly hard. These are all things I want to be able to share with him, and my grandma, and they are both gone. I guess I just don't understand. I look at every other girl in this world and I see a million things about her that are better than me. That he would like better than me. I think having him so close and not wanting to be in a relationship was the worst bc now in my head is the idea that I am just not good enough. And how do I get rid of that?
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