How do you deal with this?

[spiderowl]

How do you get round this problem of wanting to get to know a guy but not cutting off your options? In my situation, I might meet a guy who is not looking for a full relationship. At the moment, that is ok with me because I don't want anything heavy either. However, if he is not likely to want it to develop much, then I don't want to cut off other options. I know that a guy will be very turned off if they think you are interested in meeting others too, but they can't have their cake and eat it (so to speak). If you were said guy who appeared very serious about what you had together but did not want a 'relationship' label, what would you reasonably expect?

 

If you are getting other interest (yeah, lucky if you are, I know!), it seems silly to turn someone down when you don't know how things are going to go. I would never knowingly cheat on anyone but nor do I want to promise or suggest that I will be exclusive with someone if they are not talking about a relationship. On the other hand, I would not want to go behind their back.

Edited February 20, 2017 by spiderowl

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

How do you get round this problem of wanting to get to know a guy but not cutting off your options? In my situation, I might meet a guy who is not looking for a full relationship. At the moment, that is ok with me because I don't want anything heavy either. However, if he is not likely to want it to develop much, then I don't want to cut off other options. I know that a guy will be very turned off if they think you are interested in meeting others too, but they can't have their cake and eat it (so to speak). If you were said guy who appeared very serious about what you had together but did not want a 'relationship' label, what would you reasonably expect?

 

If you are getting other interest (yeah, lucky if you are, I know!), it seems silly to turn someone down when you don't know how things are going to go. I would never knowingly cheat on anyone but nor do I want to promise or suggest that I will be exclusive with someone if they are not talking about a relationship. On the other hand, I would not want to go behind their back.

 

I think if there is no presumption of exclusion then you are ok to entertain the interest of others with transparency.

[Gr8fuln2020]

How do you get round this problem of wanting to get to know a guy but not cutting off your options? In my situation, I might meet a guy who is not looking for a full relationship. At the moment, that is ok with me because I don't want anything heavy either. However, if he is not likely to want it to develop much, then I don't want to cut off other options. I know that a guy will be very turned off if they think you are interested in meeting others too, but they can't have their cake and eat it (so to speak). If you were said guy who appeared very serious about what you had together but did not want a 'relationship' label, what would you reasonably expect?

 

If you are getting other interest (yeah, lucky if you are, I know!), it seems silly to turn someone down when you don't know how things are going to go. I would never knowingly cheat on anyone but nor do I want to promise or suggest that I will be exclusive with someone if they are not talking about a relationship. On the other hand, I would not want to go behind their back.

 

Be honest from the very first date. You will not commit until there is MUTUAL understanding and agreement that a relationship is to be had. Really there's nothing more to do. No matter the talk, cheating will happen if one conspires to do so.

[Versacehottie]

How do you get round this problem of wanting to get to know a guy but not cutting off your options? In my situation, I might meet a guy who is not looking for a full relationship. At the moment, that is ok with me because I don't want anything heavy either. However, if he is not likely to want it to develop much, then I don't want to cut off other options. I know that a guy will be very turned off if they think you are interested in meeting others too, but they can't have their cake and eat it (so to speak). If you were said guy who appeared very serious about what you had together but did not want a 'relationship' label, what would you reasonably expect?

 

If you are getting other interest (yeah, lucky if you are, I know!), it seems silly to turn someone down when you don't know how things are going to go. I would never knowingly cheat on anyone but nor do I want to promise or suggest that I will be exclusive with someone if they are not talking about a relationship. On the other hand, I would not want to go behind their back.

 

I just think the reality is that a lot of guys who don't want a "full relationship" or anything serious aren't going to bring it up if you don't. And even if you do, they are going to want to skirt the issue or change the subject. It's implicit in not wanting anything serious. That said, you are right: most guys don't want to really know that you are meeting others, etc.

 

I think it's fair to give a level of transparency that is intended with a not serious relationship and honesty associated with that--which is not too much. Let's say you are seeing someone once a week or less than that. It's been put on the table that it won't be serious. I don't see a need then to bend over backward to tell a guy what you are or aren't doing in the rest of your dating life. It's not his info to know. He's not a friend; he's not a boyfriend. If he wants a grey area because it suits his needs (yours too in this case), he doesn't have the right to access all information in your dating life. You shouldn't feel responsible to divulge it to him either. He's doing what is best for him, which involves some risk (of losing you to another guy, not moving fast enough or that there is an impending end date--that's what the term means not serious). So you should do what is best for you. Don't ask, don't tell. If you start to feel changing feelings toward more serious, ask to see if the status remains the same. If he is pressuring you for a update of what you are doing dating-wise without wanting a commitment from you, it's pretty much an ego boost for himself. On the other side, being lots of guys friends, I have heard this way way way too much. Don't just be that girl and get tossed aside eventually. You have every right to pursue a dating life that suits you under these arrangements. Just use the golden rule of treating people like you would like to be treated. That doesn't mean full disclosure. The arrangement actually would seem to be the opposite of that. i'm also thinking about the emotional component of fully disclosing to someone like you are having a serious relationship but not getting that back in one way or another emotionally, can be hurtful. You need to keep some emotional distance as well to make something like this work for you. Good luck

[Mrin]

This should be pretty easy. Just be straightforward and clear that you guys are just casually dating and aren't exclusive until you both decide to commit.

 

That being said, don't ever mention the other guys you are seeing. That's a total turn off, as I imagine the same would go if the tables were turned.

[Miss Spider]

My opinion is that no one has the right your exclusivity if they don't want a relationship with you. If they tell you point-blank they don't want a relationship or they want to keep it casual they are giving you permission to see others.

 

I think it's only tricky when you're in the beginning stages and don't know how the other person feels. Not everyone can multi-date. A lot of people find it "wrong" and don't even want to see others when they start to really like a particular person. In these cases, firm time limit then NC is best option.

[smackie9]

When a guys says he's not looking for a relationship then you should just assume you are not even an option and just tell him straight up that dating others is on the table. If he complains then not worth your time.