Idk if I should stay with my girlfriend, would be appreciated

[theodore1]

I'll try to make this as short as possible. About a year and a half ago, I got with a girl who I believed was my soulmate. We broke up after a very short, incredibly passionate (by FAR the most passionate relationship I've ever been in my life) and the relationship ended in a train wreck because I wouldn't grow up and was too naive. We (she mostly) tried to make it work for months and months after breaking up but due to my father dying and her leaving and all the compounded stress in my life (starting a business, isolation, finishing my degree, training martial arts like I was about to fight in a war) I was way too much of a wreck and she wouldn't take me back, or I didn't have the courage to nut up and express to her how I really feel. Still feels like one of the worst decisions of my life. I've accepted that.

 

I got in a quick rebound and stayed with the girl. I tried to take it to the next level multiple times and couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought maybe it was because I hadn't completely gotten over my ex. Continued to see her and other women (I was open with her about this and she was OK with it). A few months back I finally had the courage to tell her I didn't want to talk to her (the rebound) anymore. She hit me up a couple months following that and I decided I'd continue to talk to her. We started talking again, things were going well, or as well as they ever had with her. I have told her I love her, which there is some love there for her but I think it's for the wrong reasons, but I don't know. We went out on some vacations together and it seems by and large to be a physical attraction. Even then though, I find myself fantasizing about other women when I'm having sex with her (especially after about the first day of us being together). Recently I finally, and way too late, decided to cut my ex off completely (blocking her on all social media and stuff). It feels like I've broken up with her all over again, but I feel like my feelings for the rebound are burning up with the acceptance of the fact that I, by all measures, won't be with my ex again. Prior to this acceptance, things were going okay with me and the rebound, almost like we both were feeding off the remaining feelings for my ex. I don't know.

 

I laugh when I talk to her sometimes, she's sweet, she's always there... but I have trouble when I felt like my ex was a light that was so bright and she just lit up my entire life. The rebound isn't even close to that and I feel like I am lowering my standards by being with her. The majority of the time I feel like it is a physical attraction more than anything. I'm pretty depressed at the moment though and I can't be sure.

She has just been there through all my bull**** nonsense and I feel like I owe it to her to.

 

I also know I am building my ex girlfriend up way too much, or am I?

 

My question is, do you all think I should I dump the rebound? Or stick it out and see what happens? Am I just a massive *******? About a week ago I decided to finally, against doubt, take it to the next level and be in a monogamous relationship with her. This has made things so much worse for me (it's also a long distance relationship).

 

Yesterday I had a a friend of mine, whom I have talked to this about way too many times tell me, "you ****ed up because you put something easy before something that would truly make you happy and satisfied." I've done this thing my whole life where I pick the easy chick and they want to stay with me, and when I finally get in a relationship with a woman who I really have these overwhelming feelings of love for, I **** it up... I'm going to stop doing this for good.

 

Any insight would be very appreciated.

[goldway90]

You're not ready for a relationship, Just let this girl go. Please heal and take your time before jumping in relationships.

[Miss Spider]

I think you need to be honest to her and yourself, as hard as that is. You aren't feeling it, and it sounds like you never have. That is okay. Our first relationship after a rough breakup very often isn't with the right person. Some people are not matched for us and what you're trying to do is fit a square peg into a round hole. You're not doing yourself or her any favors long-term. There is someone who can appreciate her fully. That's not you. May I ask how far the distance is?

[theodore1]

At the moment it is about 600 miles between us (she moved to Southern California, I'm in northern Cal). Prior to this we had about a 3 hour drive between us.

[Miss Spider]

Yeah, that's definitely not going to help you feel confident about this relationship. You aren't fully over your ex, but sometimes that doesn't happen until a very long time has passed and feelings have faded enough to where we can see the light in someone else. Of course it won't feel like your last relationship right away, that can take years to build, but you should still feel excited them and the potential. I think you want this relationship to work despite it. Your friend probably has a good point.

[Noideanow]

If you want to get with your x give up being with other girls because you Will show her How untrustworthy you Are unless she is doing it First being with another. Also you play with the maybe poor unknowing sweet and loving womans Heart by being with her while wanting your x, STOP exploiting her and being dishonest, end it Now, only Be with someone If you Can walk the line or admit as Soon as you know that you made a mistake:o protect Peoples feelings get in touch with own so you Hurt nobody else with your blindness:(

[theodore1]

My ex is pregnant with her new boyfriend's kids.

 

I am going to give it another week with the girl I am with now, if I still feel horrible and wake up every morning feeling like I'm doing something completely wrong, I'm going to end it with her. Like always, I've been open with her about my feelings following the decision to be in a committed relationship with her.

 

I never wanted to exploit her, I wanted it to work... but it isn't. I'm still not sure if that's because of the feelings for my ex or we truly are not compatible. You are right I was being blind.

 

Thank you all so much for the advice.

[Trichrome]

You seem like a pretty intelligent fellow Theodore. And you certainly seem to be very aware of your situation and your feelings. This puts you ahead of the game trust your instincts man.

 

Quit trying to force this relationship on yourself. Your mistake was going monogamous with rebound girl. If the attraction is mostly physical just keep it that way enjoy it for what it is and keep looking man. (Provided this is still acceptable to her)

 

Another soulmate is out there somewhere patiently waiting for you to get out of your own way and find them. Keep in mind that soulmate relationships aren't always permanent romantic relationships and that there is more than one soulmate for you out there. I've been lucky enough to meet two of mine and wouldn't trade those experiences for the world.

 

You seem to have a lot of mental Clarity on this. Use it wisely!