Should I tell her how I feel about her? (love triangle-ish)

[Geebs61]

Ok, so heres the deal. I recently met back up with an old friend from high school. Well, we werent ever that close really, but we still knew each other. She dated one of my best friends freshman year, and after they broke up I only talked to her in the few classes I had with her for the next four years. I did however happen to have a crush on her for that entire span

 

About 4 months ago I moved in with a buddy of mine, and he told me she lived down the street. Sure enough six houses down, there she was. So cool , we started talking online mostly at first. Her birthday was about a month ago, and she asked me what I was going to get her. Jokingly, I told her all I could afford was a kiss. She giggled and "Agreed." Her birthday came and I was out of town so I never saw her anyway. But then a couple of weeks ago she asked me if I wanted to go to a local concert her work gave her tickets to. I agreed and we went. The concert sucked so we ended up spending hours just walking around and talking. I didn't expect to feel this way about her, but the entire night I felt like I HAD to kiss her. But I didn't. Because she just got into a relationship about a week before this. He is out of town until mid August. I like to consider myself a gentleman, so I dont act on it. I'm going to respect what she has. At the end of the night we both go back to our own homes.

 

Shortly after arriving home she IM's me and starts telling me about how "hot, and sexy" and "smart and funny" I am, and how she never thought she would have these sort of feelings about me. And that if she werent already dating this guy, she would want to be dating me. And that she wished I had given her that birthday present. She then asked that if things went bad with current guy, and she was single, and I was single, would I kiss her? I told her that under those circumstances, yes. The next night I went on a walk with her, and she made a few references to "her birthday present" and at several points leaned in really close to me. But I dont realize what she is getting at until much later in the evening.

 

We continue to hang out together, it's harmless aside from the occasional flirt from either one of us. Until two days ago. We again spent several hours walking and talking, but ended up holding hands and neither of us noticing. (I think she grabbed my hand to drag me over to look in a shop window and it never occured to let go.) But at the end of the evening I couldnt stand it. I asked if I could kiss her. She said she wanted to kiss me too, but if we did, there might not ever be anything between us after that. I agree, because at that moment there was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her. So I did, and it ended up going on for 2 hours. During a thunderstorm, which was awesome in itself.

 

She says she means everything she has said about her feelings for me, but still wants to see how things out with the other guy because "he is great too" but she hasnt had the time to REALLY get to know him. Religiously he is a much better match for her, but I dont know what else they have in common.

 

From what she has told me, I get the impression that she likes me more than him, but is afraid to hurt his feelings. So I have a problem. I have my ideal girl here, the one I only dreamed about dating for years. And I feel like I can fall in love with her, given the opportunity. And she feels the same(similar at least) about me as I do about her.

 

Should I tell her that? Should I tell her that I have never felt like this before, and that she makes me smile constantly, and that she is hands down the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my entire life, and I havent been able to stop thinking about her, and that I wish there could be more between us but if not thats ok I would still like to be her friend?

 

Or should I just keep my mouth shut and try to stick around in friend-zone? I know I can do it. At least I hope I can.

[loony]

I've heard women should not sleep to fast with men otherwise they will lose respect for you. And I think a man should know that when a girl is in a relationship they should stay away from her even when they like her a lot otherwise she will lose respect for him, no matter how sweet her words and no matter how nice her compliments are, if she wanted you she would go for you. So, for some women it's obviously just a game, they lay out the bait and if you go for it, you're bumped. They want to see that you can withstand her attempts to seduce you, they want to see that you're a challenge. Your girl is attractive, so she can afford to give you mixed signals.

 

I think with men it's different, when they make you compliments even though they're in a relationship, they're trying to make sure that they have someone should they decide to dump their girlfriend, they don't want to go out and risk rejection and frustration again when they look for a new partner. I don't know how other women feel, but if a guy was interested in me while being in a relationship I would expect him to either break up with his girl or to shut up. If you don't know what you want, keep it to yourself and figure it out on your own, but don't bug me with your indecisiveness. I don't know why people waste other people's time by staying in a relationship while they don't know if they want to be in it or not.

 

I'd recommend you to ignore her babble and find someone else, it's just not worth it. She had just started dating him and if she really liked you, she could have easily broken it off, but she didn't. Take your cues and look for a better partner.

[fundamental]

I would BACK OFF man. If you are giving her attention and her boyfriend is giving her attention, why would she break up with him??? She has got it made--attention from two men. I have been where you are and though not every situation is the same, the women are. Back off and wait until she breaks up with her boyfriend. Sure, she is telling you these things because she does like you, but do not interfere with a confused woman because you are not going to like the outcome.

 

If she break up with him to be with you, what happens if she is dating you and meets another guy? Would she break up with you to be with him? You have to think about these things. Just play it cool and see what happens.

[shorty babe]

There is no harm in telling her how you feel. She is not going to stop talking to you or hate you if you tell her. If anything she will think that its cool or cute depends

[NYCmitch25]

You sound like a FOOL in love.... To be honest, we are all told I guess this is all really a question of what serves you better. If this guy is a real buddy, you should stick with him (i.e. having a good friend is hard to come by and you would personally benefit from that over a possibly fleeting relationship), also there are other "fish in the sea, just pick one that isn't dating your friend". On the other hand, if this woman were to be your wife one day, how can any of this other advice really be better for you ? If you are going to play the probability angle (as we are told to do) then obviously the new relationship has a low chance of being successful and if we were to play moral angle, then it falls on not "betraying" your friend.

 

I guess my point is that you will have to decide if she is REALLY worth it, or if he is really worth it as well (throwing morals out the window). It's seemingly always a self-serving advanture unless you feel strong that it's wrong (like I would) but then again, you are kind of doing that guy a favor by illustrating that his gf is "shopping around".

[Neptune]

Man, I don`t know why I put myself in these situations trying to respond to a thread as profound as this. But, one thing I do know is that gals will test you and if you fall for it you are history. I think she is testing you and man is it tough. You have to go exactly opposite your emotions. That is why a player has such an advantage, there is no emotion involved. So, be a player for the moment. Lose the emotion and tell her that it looks like she is into this other guy and that is not good enough for you. Tell her to give you a call when she dumps him and "we`ll talk"