Miss Spider Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) I'm with the others. He doesn't seem too into this. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to beg a guy to see you, especially at the beginning. Last two dates were weekday dates spaced two weeks apart. What happened there? What he said on the phone says a lot. I kind of agree with him,too, because unless there is a crazy connection and both people really want it to work out, distance easily kills it. He basically said he's comfortable letting you go. He said "here is what I'm about. If you don't like it, you can go or we can just be friends." And when it inevitably blows up because both people have to be really in it or it won't take off, he can justify it with "well, I said in the beginning she could go..." Edited January 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
dumbass2 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Start looking to date others and you can have him on the burner if he wants to schedule another date and it works for you. Don't be waiting around for this to get any better. As long as you haven't had the serious "only dating each other" talk, then you're okay. I also, because of my work, like to find someone to date who is easily within no more than an hour from me. 30-45 min at worst is preferable. I like to see someone as often as possible when trying to get a relationship going, so some are okay with real slow and some aren't.
Author laguna404 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 Yeah it's getting upsetting. Last two sundays were football with friends and family member birthday party. I'm thinking now if I just should end things or wait and see after our next date this Friday.
dumbass2 Posted January 30, 2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Yeah and you know I'm a big football fan and if I was really interested in a woman, especially after 5 dates, I would have no problem inviting her to come and watch football with me and my friends, especially if we've had trouble finding time.
Author laguna404 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Posted January 30, 2017 and he knows that i love football I'm a big patriots fan, we watched football together on our second date. he always responds quickly my texts and apologizes if he doesn't, he says he is going to call me tonight will see what he has to say. I'm just disappointed and frustrated, it's soooo hard for me to find a good guy that wants a relationship. I'm on all these dating sites, do meetup, i do cornole at a bar zoo sports event….I've been trying really hard…..sigh
Author laguna404 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Posted February 3, 2017 The update is that he says "I am honestly not sure where we are or I am for that matter." He told me over the phone the main issue is our distance, and he says he has been trying to think of a way to make it work. He says "I'm a great person, and would like to stay friends if it doesn't work out with us." So we are pretty much done, don't know if he is being genuine or doesn't like me and doesn't want to be an ass and just end things with me.
Author laguna404 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Posted February 4, 2017 I totally hear ya. He just called me up apologizing, and said he wanted to hear my suggestions for seeing each other more. I told him my first one and was like that makes sense to me can do that, he asked me out for this Tuesday, we are going out for dinner. I'm going to let him do all the initiating and going to continue to look for other guys. Going to play hard to get and not focus on him
Author laguna404 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Posted February 9, 2017 The update is that we went out for 6th date tuesday night, it was good, more of a connection, was short though only hour and 20 minutes, we went out to dinner. Before end of date he asked me when he could see me again, and told him my free dates, and he said he would text me when he got home after checking his calendar if he can do it. Date ended with usual kissing. We've talked by text since, but he has not mentioned anything about it. So am disappointed again, been looking on the dating apps, but I do like this guy, don't want to be pushy and bring it up. I'm also thinking does if he has aspergers or not, he is dorky, very interested in science and building things, seems uncomfortable with a lot of eye contact, seems sometimes very concrete is social situations. I don't know what should I do at this point, but I guess just have to wait for him, I've made how I feel about it known already.
meeji Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 This guy is wasting your time. He's saying all the things that he is concerned about and you are ignoring it because you like him. Listen to what he is saying to you. The distance is a problem. It's not going to change unless you or him decides to move. He's asking you out but I sounds like you're just another hobby that he does sometimes when his priorities have been taken care of and he has down time. You should date someone who is clear about their intentions with you. He seems wishy washy and not so interested. Forget about what he says.... look at his actions. You'll find out what you need to know.
hippychick3 Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 The update is that we went out for 6th date tuesday night, it was good, more of a connection, was short though only hour and 20 minutes, we went out to dinner. Before end of date he asked me when he could see me again, and told him my free dates, and he said he would text me when he got home after checking his calendar if he can do it. Date ended with usual kissing. We've talked by text since, but he has not mentioned anything about it. So am disappointed again, been looking on the dating apps, but I do like this guy, don't want to be pushy and bring it up. I'm also thinking does if he has aspergers or not, he is dorky, very interested in science and building things, seems uncomfortable with a lot of eye contact, seems sometimes very concrete is social situations. I don't know what should I do at this point, but I guess just have to wait for him, I've made how I feel about it known already. I will tell you this...a guy who is really and truly interested doesn't need to go home and check his calendar to see when he's free. 2
jiffysound Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 I totally hear ya. He just called me up apologizing, and said he wanted to hear my suggestions for seeing each other more. I told him my first one and was like that makes sense to me can do that, he asked me out for this Tuesday, we are going out for dinner. I'm going to let him do all the initiating and going to continue to look for other guys. Going to play hard to get and not focus on him I think this is a terrible idea in regards to *playing hard to get*. Either you are both feet in or both feet out, not hopping around on one foot . After an expeditious look over your past posts, I figure it is best for you to call him and tell him, thanks, but no thanks, and leave on good terms.
Author laguna404 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 Yeah I agree hes wasting my time, so I asked him about the plans for sunday, he said oh thank you for reminding me forgot to check. We are supposed to go out now on Monday---hes coming to the city to see me, he chose monday over tuesday saying tuesday would be to busy out (another sign). He said we would talk yesterday about where we will go but hasn't had that discussion with me yet. Oh forget that post of mine about playing hard to get was wrong choice of words Trying to decide if I should just ghost him or call him and break up with him.
Author laguna404 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 Also I think he has Aspergers, I noticed something on first date when he said he's been on every single subway line. He's a computer programmer, he's very concrete, and on last date i had issues with my cell phone, and we talked about it, and then were talking about something else then randomly he brought it back to my phone like he was thinking about it the whole time. Trying to figure out what my issue was. He also seems uncomfortable with direct eye contact at times. He was also not very affectionate. I work in the mental health field.
angel.eyes Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You're wasting your time! Dating you isn't a priority for him. Whether that's from general cluelessness about social interaction and dating or due to lukewarm interest is irrelevant. The outcome is the same: erratic dating and stalled development of a potential relationship. In general, if someone doesn't prioritize dating the way you do, move on rather than wasting your time and energy. 2
dispatch3d Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Also I think he has Aspergers, I noticed something on first date when he said he's been on every single subway line. He's a computer programmer, he's very concrete, and on last date i had issues with my cell phone, and we talked about it, and then were talking about something else then randomly he brought it back to my phone like he was thinking about it the whole time. Trying to figure out what my issue was. He also seems uncomfortable with direct eye contact at times. He was also not very affectionate. I work in the mental health field. uhhh that's kinda what the computer nerds are like, all asperbergy. I would know, I have half the degree ;-).
Author laguna404 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 I know it sucks and tough, also explains why he is so rigid with his schedule. I think he tries to do the right thing but has no idea how his social behavior can be interpreted that he's not interested. The whole thing is just disappointing I've been out with over 20 guys in the last 14 months, and no success. I'm on tinder, match, eharmony, bumble, plenty of fish, and ok cupid. I go to meetup events and organize ones to increase my social circle as well as play cornhole zog event. I'm trying everything and can't seem to find a good guy that is not troubled. I tend to attract the ones with issues, I think its because of my job, they know I will be sympathetic. Sigh so frustrating!! I have online dating fatigue Any suggestions of where to meet a good guy that wants a relationship are welcome!!!
dispatch3d Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 20 guys seems like a lot. Hopefully not all first dates? I would have tried to turn a couple of those into friends if I were you, assuming they weren't all mouth breathers. Its really a case by case thing. FYI I think Matt Hussey gives good advice for girls, although unfortunately it rarely applies to guys dating. Go figure.
Author laguna404 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Posted February 12, 2017 Thank you for that advice. This guy is number 23, have been out with another guy since seeing him number 24 one date he liked me but he was looking for sex, racist jerk, engaged 3 times, so i told him no. 6 were just looking for sex, and another one i just found out was married, he ghosted me after sex, 3 dates. 5 liked me but i didn't like them. 7 we didn't like each other--one dates. 2 one date i liked them and they stayed in touch but he did not show interest in getting together again. one i don't know what happened he ghosted me after 3 dates, 2 of which were spending overnights/weekends together. We are still Facebook friends, and he is now in a relationship with an irish girl like me, who is thinner and has bigger boobs. I have no trouble making friends, but not the most outgoing person. Ive actually never been in a relationship, and wonder why its so hard for me. Therapists have told me that there is nothing seriously wrong with me, its jus that I don't often put myself out there and have given up before with dating easily in past. A guy in college really liked me but I didn't like him, and have been in friends with benefits once in past.
GoldSparkz Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Hmmm I would suggest cooling things off with this guy as he seems to have one foot in and one foot out. His excuse about not being used to dating women far away is a load of rubbish and a poor excuse to keep you at arms length. My guess is that he's dating other people but wants to keep you as an option. My experience with guys is that if they're into you, they'll be all over you. I'm sure you've probably experienced this yourself, which is why you're questioning his actions. So pull away, stop all contact and wait to see what he does. If he bounces back, then proceed with caution. 2
angel.eyes Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Laguna, finding the right person takes time and patience. Meeting 24 guys via OLD is not a lot. From your description of the guys though, I think you need to do a better job of screening. Will you end up dating fewer guys? Yes. But you'll be less frustrated by all the non-starters and more likely to have one of your dates turn into something meaningful. More isn't necessarily better. If you're on a path to a selected destination, and you explore every rabbit hole on the road, it takes you longer to get to your destination. Not to mention, in exploring all those rabbit holes, you may become disoriented and lose your original path. Dating is no different. It pays to stay focused on your goal and the right types of men for you. Focus on quality over quantity. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How long have you been actively looking for someone relationship-wise? Thank you for that advice. This guy is number 23, have been out with another guy since seeing him number 24 one date he liked me but he was looking for sex, racist jerk, engaged 3 times, so i told him no. 6 were just looking for sex, and another one i just found out was married, he ghosted me after sex, 3 dates. 5 liked me but i didn't like them. 7 we didn't like each other--one dates. 2 one date i liked them and they stayed in touch but he did not show interest in getting together again. one i don't know what happened he ghosted me after 3 dates, 2 of which were spending overnights/weekends together. We are still Facebook friends, and he is now in a relationship with an irish girl like me, who is thinner and has bigger boobs. I have no trouble making friends, but not the most outgoing person. Ive actually never been in a relationship, and wonder why its so hard for me. Therapists have told me that there is nothing seriously wrong with me, its jus that I don't often put myself out there and have given up before with dating easily in past. A guy in college really liked me but I didn't like him, and have been in friends with benefits once in past.
Miss Peach Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 My ex BF learned on a PUA website to play games so our initial few months were at about that same interval. He eventually did seek me as a GF and wanted to get married even. But his throwing in excuses and stuff like the distance makes me think you're wasting your time if you hope it's going to turn into something.
Author laguna404 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 (edited) I'm 37 years old. Dating seriously for last year and half. This guy ended things with me yesterday by text saying to take a break citing the distance, not enough spark for the distance, and his emotional situation…saying things have not progressed. all reasons i knew. he said if our paths cross again in future may re-evaluate the situation. He called me up on the phone saying he was sorry, i was like no need, totally understand. I told him I knew he was losing interest and its okay, told him was going to end it as well. Told him wasn't going to stay around when he wasn't sure about his feelings. I had written up a text to end it with him myself. On the phone I was crying and he was like i so want to give you a hug, he started crying himself when speaking about his mothers death and acknowledges has not found the balance between his father and living his own life. He says he would love to stay friends, and now has sent me friend requests for both Facebook and instagram. Which I sure means nothing, but just wondering why??? Edited February 15, 2017 by laguna404
Author laguna404 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 Was dating a guy for 2.5 months, six dates…he ending things he texted me this day we were supposed to go out to dinner, and afterwards said "I would love to stay friends". He wrote "Hey. Hope your day is going well as mine has been so so thus far. I was doing some thinking last night which usually winds up getting me into trouble but I still feel that we have not progressed to where we should be given the amount of time we have been seeing each other. I can equate this to a few possible options. The first is definitely the distance which limits the amount of time we can see each other and that is always must be on a schedule. But the second is do we really have that spark or are we still looking for it. At the same time I am totally overwhelmed between work and life and I have to question if we maybe crossed paths at the wrong time. My initial thought is saying out of fairness to you that we should take a break and in the event out future paths cross in the future then may we could reevaluate the situation but at the same time I don't want to hold you back from your own progression. " We talked on the phone and he said he enjoyed every date, i'm a great girl, and the main issue was the distance. I was crying cause I was also PMSing, and then he started to cry when he was telling me about his mothers death. And his fears of being alone as he is an only child, and only has his father. He acknowledged that he has not found the balance between spending time with his dad and living his own life.* Now the part that is got me really confused is that afternoon after break up of things, he sent me a Facebook friend request, which I asked him to do before when we were dating but he never did. And then that night he sent me a friend request on Instagram. He also texted me saying "I will definitely look you up when I am in the city". We never had sex only kissing.* How does it seem he feels about me? Im moving on back on fully looking to meet other guys, so I'm definitely not excepting anything real with this guy
angel.eyes Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 ...we should take a break and in the event out future paths cross in the future then may we could reevaluate the situation ..... ...then he started to cry when he was telling me about his mothers death. And his fears of being alone as he is an only child, and only has his father. He's not really interested (no chemistry it sounds like), but he doesn't want to close the door completely on you in case he finds himself stuck being single and lonely with no prospects. He dressed it up in much nicer words, but basically he wants you as back up in case life doesn't go as planned for him in his future. How do you stay linked to someone you've only met six times when you have no real interest in investing time maintaining the connection? Social media and random texting. I think you can do better than this offer. Please don't waste any more time on someone who isn't interested but wants a safety blanket just in case.
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