When your partner asks, "Where were you?" is it always necessary to tell them?

[Tribble]

Like others have said, it's simple, common courtesy. When I lived with a friend, we used to tell each other where we were. We were interested in each others lives and spent a lot of time together. If someone went awol, the other would worry. However, having spoken to guys who live together, this did not happen! Often, they would go days without actually seeing each other and one would get a text asking if they were alive. Personally, I don't understand it but there you go haha. I extended that courtesy to a friend, of course it would go further with an SO. I have nothing to hide, why wouldn't I tell them what I'm up to?

 

In terms of the question, why are you so uncomfortable answering it? It very much depends on how it is asked. If, every time I walked through the door (especially if it was 5 minutes late) someone asked me where I'd been in a very accusatory way, I wouldn't want to answer it. I'd feel like they were keeping tabs on me or being suspicious or I'd feel like I was doing something wrong. On the other hand, if they just sounded interested, I'd share and not think twice about it.

[Better]

But a sincere boyfriend would not wait for you to ask, right? He would tell you I am so sorry I was biking and lost track of time. If he doesn't offer an explanation with his apology than he's not worth dating.

 

This is really the point. In a serious relationship, no one would have to ask. If someone was late or disappeared for an extended period of time, they'd want to give an explanation with their apology.

 

I work in a place where I don't have access to a phone, e-mail, or any other method of communication. If things go late there is no way for me to communicate that. In the dating world, I know that looks completely sketchy and I do everything I can to make it look less sketchy. I explain my situation up front, let them know when I am walking into a no-communications zone, and tell them what happened if when I get out that I am running late.

[Lilyana76]

How would you feel if the person you are in a relationship with told you it was none of your business where they had been?

 

I would feel like they were hiding something, and it is absolutely my business if you kept me waiting with no call or text!

 

When in a relationship communication is number one... if you can't communicate, you cant accomplish anything. If you can't tell me where you have been... deal breaker.

[whichwayisup]

So say you're in a relationship with someone. Say every time you come home a little late or something they ask, "Where were you?", you should always calmly tell them where you were, right? Because in all honesty, if my S.O. kept asking me that, I would be a bit annoyed because it would feel a bit nosy on her part, but at the same time, she's my S.O. Communication is necessary for a successful relationship. So the best thing to do would be to suck it up and just tell her where you were, right? I would be annoyed because it really isn't any of her business where I am, but she still has a right to know. Even though my business is my business, it's still not all about me. It's about Us. What do you guys think? I would try to be the kind of guy to not always nag her like that. I'm sure it would be hard...but I wouldn't want to be that guy because she still has the freedom to do what she wants without people always nosing in her business, but if she wants to know what I was doing on my end I'll give in just for her if it makes her more comfortable.

 

My dad hates it when people ask where he's been. He always responds with, "I don't answer that question...". Just seems kinda shady. I get where he's coming from, though.

 

If you have nothing to hide then there should be no problem.

 

Are you talking about 'dating' relationships or living together relationships? Either way it's just common courtesy and respect to not lie or hide where one has been.

[Mrin]

Yes you tell them. Unless you would rather they become an ex-partner. Then don't tell them.

[CaliforniaGirl]

It is common courtesy. Period.

[ZayKayWill]

Have you ever been in a relationship before? A real one, in the real world (not high school or college)?

 

Your dad is a crappy role model for relationships and that's probably why (based on your posts at LS) you don't understand the RESPECT aspect of a relationship.

 

Really don't appreciate that. Did I not just say that I DON'T agree with the way he sees things? You don't think I know how to be respectful just because I have a different viewpoint on how relationships work? C'mon. Maybe I went a bit too far in calling you closed minded and I'm sorry for that, but just because I view things differently relationship wise doesn't mean I don't know how to respect a woman. When it comes to relationships, things will always be a grey area. Relationships are NOT black and white. That is all there is to it. The human brain is one of, if not, the most complex system that this world has yet to understand.

 

And to answer your question, yes. I have been in a serious relationship outside of college. Anything more you would like to know about me?

[Got it]

I think it is far safer to assume your father practices what he preaches unless he is a well known blowhard. But either way it is misogynistic, insulting, and just wrong. Please don't mistake alpha personality with disrespectful. I have an alpha personality, I don't treat my spouse like property.

 

My best advice, do the exact opposite every everything he says and does and you will be set up for a very successful marriage.

[MrDuck]

Well if you cant dane to tell me what youve been up to all day then we're not 'partners' in any sense of the world, tbh i wouldnt waste my time being friends with such a person! It just sounds arrogant, not to mention shady as hell!

 

Me and my gf work at the same place, I know when its going to be busy, I know exactly where she's been and why when she gets in half an hour late, but i'll still ask her what kept her... not because i don't trust her! ...because i CARE,i care about her, i care about what her day was like and i even care about the silly little daily things like which annoying customer did her head in and kept her late, which colleague held her up or which emergency befell her section or animals..

If her response was effectively 'none of your business', id be so put out!

[blueskyday]

Yes, you answer where you were or why you were late.

 

Transparency and communication are basic pillars of a relationship.

 

If a guy told me it was none of my business why he was late or where he was, then I'd make that true--by breaking up with him!

[Sweetfish]

So say you're in a relationship with someone. Say every time you come home a little late or something they ask, "Where were you?", you should always calmly tell them where you were, right? Because in all honesty, if my S.O. kept asking me that, I would be a bit annoyed because it would feel a bit nosy on her part, but at the same time, she's my S.O. Communication is necessary for a successful relationship. So the best thing to do would be to suck it up and just tell her where you were, right? I would be annoyed because it really isn't any of her business where I am, but she still has a right to know. Even though my business is my business, it's still not all about me. It's about Us. What do you guys think? I would try to be the kind of guy to not always nag her like that. I'm sure it would be hard...but I wouldn't want to be that guy because she still has the freedom to do what she wants without people always nosing in her business, but if she wants to know what I was doing on my end I'll give in just for her if it makes her more comfortable.

 

My dad hates it when people ask where he's been. He always responds with, "I don't answer that question...". Just seems kinda shady. I get where he's coming from, though.

 

Depends on how late and why she is asking you and how is she asking you?

 

Because the question can underline some other issue... maybe insecurity or jealousy. If it bothers you... express it and come to a mutual agreement...

[aileD]

Really don't appreciate that. Did I not just say that I DON'T agree with the way he sees things? You don't think I know how to be respectful just because I have a different viewpoint on how relationships work? C'mon. Maybe I went a bit too far in calling you closed minded and I'm sorry for that, but just because I view things differently relationship wise doesn't mean I don't know how to respect a woman. When it comes to relationships, things will always be a grey area. Relationships are NOT black and white. That is all there is to it. The human brain is one of, if not, the most complex system that this world has yet to understand.

 

And to answer your question, yes. I have been in a serious relationship outside of college. Anything more you would like to know about me?

 

 

Didn't mean to strike a nerve, sorry.

 

I'm not saying you don't know how to respect a woman. But some of your rhetorical questions and your answers to them don't seem to take into consideration common courtesy in a relationship (going away on a trip with opposite sex, this post, etc). Maybe respect was the wrong word. courtesy is a better word

[Lady2163]

Yes, your dad has been a poor role model. If he is talking to you about cheating if you can, if he talks to you about getting pussy (that's your mom he's possibly talking about and if you don't know to call when you're going to be more than 10-15 minutes late, then his 'what-every-boy-should-know-to-be-a-man-and-an-adult' speech was seriously lacking.

 

Do you have a habit of being late?

Stop that.

 

You can't control traffic, but you can text and say that you're on your way or stuck in a traffic jam.

 

My time is important and my free time is pretty precious. If I'm making supper for a man and he is supposed to be home at 715, I'm going to have supper ready by 720. That means by 730, I'm scrambling to keep things warm and from drying out.

 

Personally, if I was living with someone who had a habit of losing track of time while out with friends or whatever, I'd eat without them and make them fix their own plate of food - and clean up.

 

But, yes, whether kids, roommates, SO or spouse, it is good manners to let someone know you're going to be late.

[ZayKayWill]

Didn't mean to strike a nerve, sorry.

 

I'm not saying you don't know how to respect a woman. But some of your rhetorical questions and your answers to them don't seem to take into consideration common courtesy in a relationship (going away on a trip with opposite sex, this post, etc). Maybe respect was the wrong word. courtesy is a better word

 

Not a problem . So when you say courtesy do you mean as in just kinda being considerate? Considering how you're making your partner feel by doing something like what you just said? If so, then yeah I can see where you are coming from. In all honesty I wouldn't be one to go away with a friend of the opposite sex IF it made my partner uncomfortable. I'm a very logical person. I view things on how they 'should' be and not necessarily how just human emotion tends to work I guess :/. On one hand I feel like she should be able to trust that no matter what, I will put my temptations aside and won't cheat on her no matter what. But at the same time, how would she know that and how would I actually know that until I actually be put in that situaiton? That would be my fault regardless, but the setting of vacation could change things in an instant. Logically speaking it may not happen at all especially if you really care about your partner, right? Logic and emotion don't go hand in hand, though, so I'm willing to bend backwards for her emotion's sake. All I was saying is that I would want to be the kind of person that didn't want to put chains on my partner like that, but she can chain me if she wants. Idk. To be honest I honestly wouldn't know what I would do in the situation until it actually happened, so I really shouldn't even be analyzing it all that much. I was in a long distance relationship for a while, though, and well when it comes to those you HAVE to have the utmost trust in your partner, because you really have no idea what it is they're doing no matter what, same as if she were to go on vacation with a male friend. I guess is kinda where I'm coming from. :/

[todreaminblue]

i dont think its normal not to tell.....its the right thing to do....its honest and open...im not talking by the second or a matter of ten minutes...but sonsiderably late.....deserves an explanation.........deb