berry1 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 When should you really ask a girl to meet for the first date when you have met online? Should it be within the first few days considering she will be getting matches daily from the dating site? Or should it be done slowly to avoid scaring her away? Should you have a phone conversation before asking her to meet or is texting good enough? Advice would be really helpful and appreciated
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 CW says sooner rather than later. You want to get off the computer & into real life quickly. Otherwise you risk ending up in a virtual relationship. It was years ago but I probably went slower than most. I wanted at least 1 e-mail exchange & 1 phone conversation before I would agree to a meet. But I was also looking for somebody to have a relationship with; not a pen pal. 3
Redhead14 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 When should you really ask a girl to meet for the first date when you have met online? Should it be within the first few days considering she will be getting matches daily from the dating site? Or should it be done slowly to avoid scaring her away? Should you have a phone conversation before asking her to meet or is texting good enough? Advice would be really helpful and appreciated Have a short meet up fairly soon. Don't stretch it out too long. Wasting a lot of time texting and chatting online is, well, a waste of time, because when you meet her in person, you may find she's not as attractive/not what you are envisioning -- not just looks, but personality, etc. The first time you meet someone from OLD, its just to confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures, etc. Then you decide if you want a "real" date. You don't spend a lot of money on this meet up either. And, yes, have a phone conversation or two first. 2
Jj66 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 There are many reasons to get communication off the OLD site fairly quickly. 1. It shows interest on your part. 2. You achieve "priority status", if you will, over other dudes she is talking to on the OLD site. 3. If it's a married or otherwise attached person seeking attention with no actual intention of dating they are unlikely to give you their phone number so it can help weed out the catfish. I'm sure there are other reasons but those we just a few off the top of my head. Once you get the number, don't text endlessly. Set up a first meeting. You're looking for a girlfriend or a lover not a pen-pal. I don't usually do a phone call before the first meeting but some women want that and I am fine with it. When this is the case, they always call me or text me that they'd at least like to talk to me before agreeing to meet. Then I'd call them right away. This was always my goal in OLD Build up a little bit of rapport and/or banter in the messaging system. Get her phone number Set up a short meeting in public (and have a natural continuation in mind to turn it into a longer date if things go well) Some women give out their phone numbers more readily than others. If she was hesitant I might set up a meeting on the messaging system but if I didn't have her number by the end of the first date then a second date wasn't happening. If the first date was successful and she still doesn't want to give me her number then I'd have to believe she was married or otherwise involved with someone. Good luck. 3
Author berry1 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 There are many reasons to get communication off the OLD site fairly quickly. 1. It shows interest on your part. 2. You achieve "priority status", if you will, over other dudes she is talking to on the OLD site. 3. If it's a married or otherwise attached person seeking attention with no actual intention of dating they are unlikely to give you their phone number so it can help weed out the catfish. I'm sure there are other reasons but those we just a few off the top of my head. Once you get the number, don't text endlessly. Set up a first meeting. You're looking for a girlfriend or a lover not a pen-pal. I don't usually do a phone call before the first meeting but some women want that and I am fine with it. When this is the case, they always call me or text me that they'd at least like to talk to me before agreeing to meet. Then I'd call them right away. This was always my goal in OLD Build up a little bit of rapport and/or banter in the messaging system. Get her phone number Set up a short meeting in public (and have a natural continuation in mind to turn it into a longer date if things go well) Some women give out their phone numbers more readily than others. If she was hesitant I might set up a meeting on the messaging system but if I didn't have her number by the end of the first date then a second date wasn't happening. If the first date was successful and she still doesn't want to give me her number then I'd have to believe she was married or otherwise involved with someone. Good luck. Thank you and i do agree. I have been talking to this woman for a few days. We exchanged phone numbers last night and we both agree that we sound like the perfect matches. Because we have so much in common. She wasn't hesitant on giving her phone number. But you could tell that this wasn't something she done every day giving her phone number to guys she has never met. So for some reason im a bit worried about screwing this one up. Normally i don't care and i will just ask the women when i feel like it. And if they say no i will just move onto my match list and continue searching. But i feel different about this girl lol. Should i just jump in tonight and ask if she would like to meet for a brief quick date in a public place to see if we match well with personality? Women, would if put you off if a guy asked to meet when you wasn't ready? or would you just tell him and continue chatting until you felt comfortable?
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Should i just jump in tonight and ask if she would like to meet for a brief quick date in a public place to see if we match well with personality? Women, would if put you off if a guy asked to meet when you wasn't ready? or would you just tell him and continue chatting until you felt comfortable? I was a bit of a chicken when I was on OLD. However, I would not be put off by a man who politely asked for a public no pressure safe meeting early. I would be put off by a request for a Saturday night dinner date -- too much pressure. I'd run screaming from a suggestion that I come to his or he come to my place. Instead try this: Would you like to get a coffee or drink on Tuesday at [public middle of the road location]? It shouldn't be a cheap place but it also shouldn't be the most expensive place in town (you're trying too hard) 4
TheTraveler Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 From my experience the first message sent to actual meet is 6-9 days. Yes, it can happen faster than 6 days depending on the situation. Dragging it out to weeks is never good
PogoStick Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 You want to ask her very early to meet in person. Usually just after exchanging a few messages. After she agrees, send her your number and say you'll call her to figure out when and where to meet. If she's truly interested she will send her number in return. If a woman refuses the phone part then the chance of her flaking out rise dramatically. I suggest you don't waste your time with them. 2
Jj66 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Beware of investing too much up front. (You've already talked about how you seem like perfect matches but you haven't met yet which tells me you may have). I agree with d0nnivain, ask her to meet in a non-threatening location and for both of your sakes nothing requiring a huge investment of time or money in case you actually don't like each other in person as much as you think you might. Going from memory of an actual text exchange with someone I met from OLD. It went something like this. Do you like coffee? Yes. Good, we need to grab a coffee soon. I have this eye of sauron tattoo in the middle of my forehead that I'm just dying to show you. It doesn't show in my pics. Lol. For real? Of course not. But I'm not looking for a pen-pal either. I'm free Tuesday and Thursday this week. How about you? Thursday is good. How about 6 o'clock at xxxxxx. Actually, 7 would be better for me. Ok, it's a date. XXXXXXX was a quaint little coffee and art bar that happens to be right next to a very hip bar and pizzeria. After we met for a coffe and discovered we had a little chemistry I invited her to join me for a slice of pizza next door. We had a couple of drinks and loosened up a bit. It was a great first date. 1
OatsAndHall Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I will ask for to meet fairly quickly. Generally within a few days. I ask them out for coffee and go from there. If they tell me that "they want to get to know me better", I tell them that I prefer to meet someone in person as texting has no tone. Most stop talking to me after this and I am fine with that. They view it as pushy but that's their problem. I have asked plenty of women out in RL within a few conversations and things turn out just fine. 2
preraph Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I think after you have texted a few times and both people seem eager to get to know each other, you should then have a phone call and then see if you still have a good rapport over the phone. If you do, then I think you ask her out over the phone at the end of the conversation. You shouldn't wait long. But don't do it if she doesn't sound eager. Easier to tell that over the phone, so don't put off the phone call (or Skype). 2
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 If they get scared off then they were not that interested. If they are interested but uneasy they will be honest with you and let you know when they are ready to meet. But I agree don't let it go past 2 weeks. 1
palmsand Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Ask sooner rather than later. I.E. break the ice with a few messages, then ask them out to something you think they would enjoy, offering a specific time and place. I disagree with the idea of calling before meeting. The only purpose of messaging them is to set a date, and for that text works fine. Once the date is set, limit communication to only planning/confirming the date, don't keep chatting. If the date goes well, ask for her number. Do not, in my opinion, ask for a number through dating app messages.
OatsAndHall Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I think after you have texted a few times and both people seem eager to get to know each other, you should then have a phone call and then see if you still have a good rapport over the phone. If you do, then I think you ask her out over the phone at the end of the conversation. You shouldn't wait long. But don't do it if she doesn't sound eager. Easier to tell that over the phone, so don't put off the phone call (or Skype). This is an issue that I go back and forth on for a few reasons: 1. A person can get a lot of information about me from my phone number and I don't like that. I don't have anything to hide but I do like a bit of privacy before I meet them. 2. I have asked women to talk over the phone before going out but the millenial generation seems to get spooky about it. I think it's stupid but they have spent a good portion of their lives communicating via text. 3. I had a HORRIBLE date once because I didn't ask for a phone conversation. The woman told me that she was self-conscious because had spinal cancer at one point and walked with a limp. She neglected to mention that she was severely cognitively delayed... Her messages were well written and clear so I had no idea that her speech and thought process was as slow as it was.. So, I never know anymore. OLD dating sucks.
smackie9 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Dating was a crap shoot even before texting and the internet. It always sucked lol. In the old days you didn't have the internet to find out if they had a BF/GF or were married:mad:
Life lessons Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Thank you and i do agree. I have been talking to this woman for a few days. We exchanged phone numbers last night and we both agree that we sound like the perfect matches. Because we have so much in common. She wasn't hesitant on giving her phone number. But you could tell that this wasn't something she done every day giving her phone number to guys she has never met. So for some reason im a bit worried about screwing this one up. Normally i don't care and i will just ask the women when i feel like it. And if they say no i will just move onto my match list and continue searching. But i feel different about this girl lol. Should i just jump in tonight and ask if she would like to meet for a brief quick date in a public place to see if we match well with personality? Women, would if put you off if a guy asked to meet when you wasn't ready? or would you just tell him and continue chatting until you felt comfortable? I think that's a great idea, to ask for a date in a public setting. Dinner, lunch, etc. I don't think most females would have an issue. The worst is she can say no!!
preraph Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 This is an issue that I go back and forth on for a few reasons: 1. A person can get a lot of information about me from my phone number and I don't like that. I don't have anything to hide but I do like a bit of privacy before I meet them. 2. I have asked women to talk over the phone before going out but the millenial generation seems to get spooky about it. I think it's stupid but they have spent a good portion of their lives communicating via text. 3. I had a HORRIBLE date once because I didn't ask for a phone conversation. The woman told me that she was self-conscious because had spinal cancer at one point and walked with a limp. She neglected to mention that she was severely cognitively delayed... Her messages were well written and clear so I had no idea that her speech and thought process was as slow as it was.. So, I never know anymore. OLD dating sucks. I agree there can be privacy issues, but if you're on social media, you have bigger privacy issues than giving out your phone number. Millenials are becoming wussified because they find it easier to text and are losing the art of true conversation. But I would NOT go out with anyone I hadn't at least talked to on the phone and preferably Skyped so I can see they are who they say they are.
Author berry1 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 Ask sooner rather than later. I.E. break the ice with a few messages, then ask them out to something you think they would enjoy, offering a specific time and place. I disagree with the idea of calling before meeting. The only purpose of messaging them is to set a date, and for that text works fine. Once the date is set, limit communication to only planning/confirming the date, don't keep chatting. If the date goes well, ask for her number. Do not, in my opinion, ask for a number through dating app messages. I hate talking over the phone! i have to be honest. I find their are a lot more uncomfortable silences when i talk over the phone. Face to face i can talk forever lol. But i will call someone if talking over the phone makes them more comfortable. I don't like it but i'll do it! But the other 2 girls i have been on dates with we have arranged to meet the same day as the first message. But one of these women turned out to be completely crazy and the other looked completely different than her profile pics. This woman im talking to now seems completely different. She comes across as the most normal girl i have met so far on online dating lol. So understandably im a bit more worried than usual at messing it up. But if i worry about it then i will mess it up so im just going to ask her to meet. A previous poster said that i sound like i have too much invested. Yes i agree i know i have far to much invested in this but i can not do much about it Will update you all of the outcome. 1
SevenCity Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 This is interesting. I posted a similar thread and a lot of people said not to ask for a phone convo. I've been trying it and it seems to work better so far. I still prefer a phone call but now I ask for their number after they agreed to the date online. I'm sure I'm setting myself up for some bad dates lol.
leogirl876 Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 Ask sooner than later. I hate it when guys try to penpal their way through. That gets old quick, I don't have time to exchange endless messages. Get the girl's phone number, call her within a couple days and then meet up otherwise, someone else will get to her. 1
Erik30 Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 In my experience, it depends on the girl. Some want to get to know you a bit before they decide if they want to go out on a date, others want to save that part for the first meet. For them, just a good first impression online is enough. So it seems to me there is no general rule you can use, just ask to meet if the conversation flows and it feels right
mortensorchid Posted February 20, 2017 Posted February 20, 2017 Sooner rather than later when it comes to OLD. If he has not asked to meet or even offered a phone number within 4 emails / texts, then he is just treating it like a video game / IM talking situation, he's not interested in really meeting the person he's chatting with. There have been times I have been in communication with some guys for weeks, sometimes months, and they never propose meeting. When I asked "when are we going to meet?" they would either vanish or say "I'm not ready yet". If and when this happens, it's done. So if you want to meet the person, offer within the first 4 emails or it's done.
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) Most stop talking to me after this and I am fine with that. They view it as pushy but that's their problem.. Right, believe it or not I've seen some ladies posts on message boards, "Why do men want to meet so soon?" I don't do the "getting to know you, before I get to know you" BS. Same with phone numbers, I will refuse a meeting in person until I see how they engage me on the phone. It also clears up whether or not she's got a boyfriend or not (or spouse). Typically when they don't want to talk on the phone, it means they are married or have a sig other...because he/she will be in the same place when you call most likely. But I would NOT go out with anyone I hadn't at least talked to on the phone Unfortunately, a lot of women swear NOT talking on the phone, and just establishing a time, date, and place via the messaging system through the dating site. That's shady to me. I actually have female friend that swears by this. Edited February 27, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst
act00 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 A few things. I think asking her out sooner over later is the way to go. You can start small, "Hey would you like to meet after work for a drink/coffee?" Keep it minimal, so if she's just not "the one" (or vice versa) you're not stuck in a drawn out date. If a weekday is not going to work, then a weekend, and you never know, that drink can extend to dinner or movie or other activity. Don't judge too much if she's not comfortable sharing her number right away. Ideally, I would like a phone conversation, but I've met some creepers online, and now lean in the direction of meet first, exchange numbers at that time. It could be that if our online exchange goes well, I'm okay sharing my number. It really depends. You've got her number, you connected, meet her in person ASAP! As you can see, exchange of numbers and a conversation seems to be a deal-breaker for many people - I say, take it all with a grain of salt. You're not out to get married tomorrow. Maybe it's a red flag, but in my mind, a red flag is equally someone putting pressure on me to do something I am not comfortable with. I'm okay playing it by ear. Until you meet in person, you just don't know. I am taking these words of other posters to heart, though. One frustrating aspect for me with OLD is that a lot of men really don't seem to want to connect in person. They text and text. I've had them complain to me on a Friday/Saturday that they're all alone once again. Maybe they're fishing for me to say, "Well, I'm available right now too," but at 9 o'clock at night, I'm not up for going out. If he had asked earlier, yeah, I would have met. I even asked one guy, "Have you asked anyone out?" His answer was no. I'm really not sure what he expects. A hookup? He still texts me once in awhile. Always plan a place to meet in public first. This is a safety issue. Again, I'm going to say that if you two connected well online, move it to person-to-person quickly. Get off the net.
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