audiojunky Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Hi everyone. Last night I was on the phone with a girl that I've been seeing for almost 4 weeks now. We've been very close with each other for the last 2-3 weeks, and things have escalated to a physical level involving sex, etc. During our time together we have had a couple tiffs now revolving around her telling me that she feels something is fundamentally missing from the way I am acting towards her.. something having to do with etiquette or manners. I have tried my hardest to understand what it might be but I think that she has been a little stubborn about it because she refuses to tell me what directly is bugging her. She says things like, "I should know... or it is not her place to tell me.." etc. The main point is that I have told her that I am 100% completely willing to listen and work out anything that might be upsetting her if she lets me know what it is, but she is still not telling me. Last night she said that she thinks that we should maybe see other people while seeing each other. I asked her what her definition of that would be, and she pretty much said nothing more than kissing with anyone else. I myself, found that suggestion to be pretty gross and disrespectful to me. I told her that I would not feel good about doing that with anyone or her doing the same... and thats when she resorted to tell me about "these things that bug her.." yet she wont tell me what they are. I have let her know how much it frustrates me and how sad it makes me that she can't tell me.. but she won't budge. really confused.... a
Curt Posted July 23, 2005 Moderators Posted July 23, 2005 Audiojunkie, in my opinion she's playing games with you. You have consistently asked her what the problem is, but she gives you absolutely no clear answer. She now suggests that you should both see other people. She then goes so far as to say that you can kiss other people as well. You are not in a relationship. It is time to move on, to find a girl that does not toy with your heart. It almost sounds to me as though she is trying to find excuses to leave herself, but will not make the decisive action herself. It is gamesmanship in the highest order. Would you want to continue on in a relationship with one person, while each party was free to kiss, caress, etc. other people as well? Curt
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Speaking as a woman, I say she's being a manipulative, game-playing, dishonest and cagey b!tch - who doesn't deserve you at all. First off, if she was into you as much as she should be, she wouldn't be suggesting you begin to date others, which would of course include kissing (let's face it - she has already jumped into bed with you after 4 weeks, don't think for a moment she won't do that with someone else she begins to date). Seems to me she's either trying to let you down easily - maybe she doesn't want to be exclusive with you and doesn't know how to tell you "it's over" - or else she wants to keep her options open so she wants to date others but keep you as a "fallback guy" in case she doesn't find someone better. What kind of person would so rudely keep making references to someone they date that they have problems with manners and such - and be given many genuine invitations to specify them, yet they play this BS game of "I shouldn't have to tell you, you should figure it out." She's a b*tch, seriously - tell her you're no longer interested and then break off ALL contact with her, ASAP!
bluechocolate Posted July 24, 2005 Posted July 24, 2005 4 weeks does not a relationship make - so as regards seeing other people, yes, why not? You're both free to do so. However, I think there is something more important here & that is this: ...her telling me that she feels something is fundamentally missing from the way I am acting towards her.. If she sincerely believes that then she would end it or attempt to resolve it. That she hasn't done either speaks volumes. I agree with the previous poster - she's playing games with you. Stop seeing her. In my opinion you don't even need to make a formal announcement, just be unavailable until she gets the message.
Cecelius Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 Dunno if you can say she is playing games with you (since she said maybe you should see other people). What is clear is that she doesn't like you enough to want to be exclusive. Is she a worthy enough girl for you to get her to like her, or is she high maintenence? Be warned: if you concede on this and stay with her, I strongly doubt that she will keep to any particular set of rules on physical contact. is she going to explain to the guy in the bar that he can't grab her b@@b because she has a deal with you? If you do not concede, she will either dump you or cheat on you. I'd just step past this girl
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 If you two can talk so much about things on the phone, she should be able to tell you what this "flaw" of yours is that is so important to her. It could be something so simple as holding doors open for her or looking at her when you talk to her. I am guilty of expecting guys to be mindreaders, and have learned to be more up front. If I don't like something about a guy, and it's easy to fix, I might make a suggestion. But if it's something that's a part of who he is that drives me up the wall, I'm outta there.
Author audiojunky Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 Well it is over. I finally "figured out" what it was that she was so bugged about... and to make a long story short she judged me way too quickly before I was able to fix what it was that she was bugged about... which just goes to show me that I should of dumped her like the bitch that she is (well it is true) about a week ago. Anyways, thanks for the advice everyone. a
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