Dis Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 You are right that the woman who asked me if I wanted to meet for a drink isn't exactly an ex. We were never exclusively dating and we're quite open aboit it. She just came out and asked me how many other women I was seeing. I was seeing two others at that time although one was on the way out. She was seeing one other man regularly. My current gf was one of the two. What we had was quite casual but had become physical. We never communicated between dates but our dates were long with deep conversation. I could tell we were becoming close. The thing is, I was also getting close to my gf. There really wasn't a way to develop a deep connection with two women so I had to make a choice. Would I go with the outgoing exciting American that I had incredible chemistry with. Or would I go with the intriguing and introverted French woman? I would never find her as exciting as my gf but I was almost sure the connection would become very deep. I chose my American gf of course. I stopped asking the French woman out. When she contacted me to arrange something I told her I was going to have to stop seeing her. She said was disappointed because she thought we had an important (meaning big in French) connection. She said she was still interested in meeting me "as a friend" she proposed a time and place and I agreed to meet her. On the day of the meeting I was sick and had to cancel. Really. I wasn't just making an excuse which she probably assumed I was. Fast forward some months and she sent me a happy thanksgiving and I wished her one in turn. No conversation. Then there was this text asking if I would like to meet for a drink. I know I am not married, but I am now in an exclusive relationship. Because of our sexual history I decided it was inappropriate to meet her. But I have wondered if I should reply and what I should say. What we had, though casual in style, was not devoid of meaning so I feel I owe her a reply. Yet I'm also fearful of reopening contact since I want to honor my commitment to my girlfriend. I'm just curious Jj, are you at all tempted to resume contact with this woman? I could be wrong but I feel like you might be viewing this situation as a possible out for your current relationship and that maybe this is a sign that there are better suitors out there for you I really admire your commitment to your gf. You seem like a very loyal guy, a lot of guys wouldnt handle this as well as you are I'm just feeling like a part of you is doubting things and this woman reaching out contributes to those doubts. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong 2
Gaeta Posted February 21, 2017 Posted February 21, 2017 Would I go with the outgoing exciting American that I had incredible chemistry with. Or would I go with the intriguing and introverted French woman? I would never find her as exciting as my gf but I was almost sure the connection would become very deep. You went for outgoing and exciting. That usually brings a lot of gratification short term but is really hard to sustain long term as you've experience. You are getting excitement from your current GF alright, she kept you on the edge of your seat for almost a year now leaving you always craving for more. That is not what a fulfilled relationship is suppose to feel like. You dropped the French lady because she was not 'exciting'. She didn't offer you a challenge as much as your American GF but she was probably a better pick for a long term partner. Someone with no drama that would offer you all the emotional security you need. Maybe you are starting to realize that now. 1
Author Jj66 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 The one that was just sexual I ignored completely. I just responded to the French woman with this: Hi "Emelie", good to hear from you! I really hope you are well. I'm currently seeing someone seriously. As much as I would like to see you and catch up I don't think it's appropriate for me to meet with you right now.
Miss Spider Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) Good man I do think there are some doubts about current relationship and to be honest rightfully so. Major red flag has went up to stay cognizant of Edited February 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Popsicle Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 The one that was just sexual I ignored completely. I just responded to the French woman with this: Hi "Emelie", good to hear from you! I really hope you are well. I'm currently seeing someone seriously. As much as I would like to see you and catch up I don't think it's appropriate for me to meet with you right now. Perfect! Btw this happened to me twice before. It does seem like a test but you will good that you responded that way.
Author Jj66 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 I'm just curious Jj, are you at all tempted to resume contact with this woman? I could be wrong but I feel like you might be viewing this situation as a possible out for your current relationship and that maybe this is a sign that there are better suitors out there for you I really admire your commitment to your gf. You seem like a very loyal guy, a lot of guys wouldnt handle this as well as you are I'm just feeling like a part of you is doubting things and this woman reaching out contributes to those doubts. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong If I wanted to have someone on the side this would have been so easy. It just kind of landed in my lap. But I am loyal as you say. I'm not going to cheat. It's been a week now since the trouble and my GF has been doing everything right. I never asked for this change but instead of texting late at night she has been calling. I am so happy about the steps she has taken to make things better. I hope that when I am finally tested (how do I handle disappointment?) that I handle it as well as she has been. 1
Ronnys93 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 It's funny this happens to me too. Right now I'm romantically involved with someone, things are going great. Out of the wood work, I'm getting messages left and right from past potential/and actual exes talking to me and starting up conversation. It's annoying, but like you Jj66, I'm loyal and I have no desire to seek anything out with these people. They had their time and place in my life and I no longer really feel the need to seek them out at this time in my life. It's almost like a test to see if you'll cave in and break.
Author Jj66 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 Emilie wrote back a very nice message congratulating me on my relationship and wishing me well. I'm glad I responded instead of just blowing her off.
Author Jj66 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 The woman I ignored sent me these texts yesterday... "I am taking off work April 19th for a few days, you want to go anywhere. Like your bedroom. Lmao." "Ha ha" "Or maybe the beach?" Wtf? Do women not believe in foreplay anymore? Why do they think they can just invite someone for sex that they haven't seen in months without even saying hello. And why did she think I might be interested at all after I ignored her valentine's week text?
KBob Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Why do they think they can just invite someone for sex that they haven't seen in months without even saying hello. Because most guys will say yes.
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 So, I had some high drama with my gf this past week described in another thread. TLDR: she "broke up" with me Wednesday night and then asked me to take her back Thursday morning. I accepted her apology and took her back. Anyway, I went to see her Thursday night after her student conferences. While I was on the drive down I got a text from a former lover I hadn't heard from in awhile. This was a clear an offer of sex. It was only ever about sex for us. I deleted the text and didn't respond. Now today I get another text from a different woman that I hadn't heard from in a long time. We had a good connection back when I decided I needed to pull back and concentrate on just one person, that one being my current gf. I had nothing against her, she was fantastic but I couldn't continue seeing both of them. Hey Jj, how are you? Hope you are doing well. Would you like to have a drink together sometime? -Emily This particular message from Emily makes my head spin. I don't believe in fate or anything supernatural. But still it's almost like the universe is teasing me with a chance to change the choice I made last year. It's almost like I am being tested to see how much I really love my girlfriend. What gives with the timing? There is no way I know for either of them to know about our relationship troubles since they are not in either of our circles of friends and even our circle of friends is not aware of the temporary breakup. A random coincidence? Anybody else experienced similar freaky timing with exes attempting to reestablish contact? "torn between two lovers feeling like a fool" or something along those lines
act00 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I get this too, and there is no rhym or reason way - the planets align? It's not just girls suddenly coming out of the woodwork, men do too. I suddenly find myself flogged with potential dates. Your original post was long enough ago, it doesn't matter now, but for me, I was thinking, "When a door closes, a window opens," and I was thinking, this guy got dumped from a tumultuous relationship less than 24 hours ago, and is going back, and suddenly Emilie chimes in...is the universe hinting?? But maybe it is a "test."
devilish innocent Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Because most guys will say yes. Yup. She probably figured you might not might have time for idle texting or chitchat, but if you knew she was just after sex you might go for it.
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