smile95 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Ok...so if you feel something is shady in your gut about your ex, do you ask them and look for answers or do you believe that if I would ask, I maybe would be more hurt by knowing. I feelmy ex was very shady about a lot of things and I am at the anger stage with him. I feel like I may not WANT to know. It may be worse than I think, but then again, it may be nothing. Iam in the "getting over him" stage, but I am getting so angry with him! I want to hurt him! Everything he has ever said to me is suddenly looking so shady. The smart me thinks I need to just forget it and not ask for answers. I am doing NC and I guess the longer I do that, the less I will care. BUt right now, I am crushed to think that this man I loved was being dishonest with me. Do I ask him what I want to know? DO I do some investigating to find out? Or do I say screw it and screw him and just forget this all?
agnf666 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 Somethngs you are better off not knowing. Like for example, before me and my ex broke up I asked him a really personal question. In which he wasn't to happy I asked it. The question I asked him was "Have you done any other drugs other then pot?" He says back to me "What's it to you?" So, see how some really simple questions can really turn into a mess. Now it depends on the questions as well. No if you are asking him "Did you cheat on me?", "Are you on drugs?" things like that might not go over well. Maybe slip one or two in ever once in a while so he doesn't see that you are trying to find out things. If you are really curious then do background research. That isn;t hard if you know some of his friends... but becareful because they can and will tell him that you where asking about him.
Author smile95 Posted July 23, 2005 Author Posted July 23, 2005 if he only had friends.......lol I think I would rather not know, but I am wondering if it will still eaet away at me over time.
agnf666 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 I think you may come to forget about the questions after a while. So, they won't eat away at you for too long. If they do then ask. What can it hurt. He's your ex anyway.
KellyGirl Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 On one hand you are already broken up so what do you really have to lose? UNLESS you want to get back together someday? Sometimes I find that you need to know details because you need closure. If you think the answers will make you mad or hurt then it will just confirm any doubts you had about your break up! Right?!?!
agnf666 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 You know you just may get alittle more details since you two are broke up then you would if the two of you are together. I would as at this point.
kellyp1 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 I've considered doing this before. But when I started to research, I felt so bad about myself that I stopped. I ended up not liking the me that was needing to do it. It is better in some cases to not have all the details. When I want to know something about an ex and it drives me crazy, I got out with my friends to clear my head. Every time I feel that frustration that I want to know more or I want to hurt him (him being any bad break up ex), I know that feeling that way is a choice and try to find the tools within myself to shake it. Often the tools are just being preoccupied with other people that won't let me talk about it. Good luck!
Author smile95 Posted July 23, 2005 Author Posted July 23, 2005 thank you. All it would do I guess is make me hurt more to find out things that were hidden. If they were. I have been cheated on and lied to in the past and it is hard to not feel that way about people you date afte that. I have no proof. Just shady behavior. And the fact that he has lied to me before. I really think that I should just forget it. Iwould be more hurt by knowing. What good would it do. How can people be so in love at one point and then somehow that is lost? I have no idea how people go thru divorces after all the memories they share. UGH. Glad I did not get to that point. Usually my gut is right, but sometimes I am not sure if it is my gut or my imagination.
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