cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 So I started to date girl from dating site, everything was perfect, first date was good, second one was even better but I think we took some stuff too quick (touching each other, kissing), I would never have sex on second date because I am not that type of guy but with her I would, I just feel so connected with her. But now let me tell some stuff which is important. She is 25 and has 1 kid which is 2 year old, she did not wanted a kid with that guy but he came in her and she did not even knew about it (he made her a kid so she won't leave him...) , so she go pregant, and then she found out that he had a kid with other girl and never seen the kid, well he told that to her but later she found out that he knew about that kid and seen it once (kid is around 6 years old) so he did not seen that kid for about that time. Whatever, she said that she is not with him, but sometimes he sees a kid, but yesterday I found out that she lied, she told me that he lives with her and her mother at same house... but not together seperate rooms (I would suspect that they could have sex...). Overally she is nice girl, she doesn't drink, doesn't smoke and doesn't party, is lovely, but lied to me about stuff like that... I taken her serious and she did something like that. About touching each other on second date part, I don't know if it is good or not, she could do it to all guys she dated but maybe she likes me that much? I would never do stuff like that either but with her I just feel different. I said to her that we could try but this guy need's to move out, then she said that it is not so easy, because he won't pay for a kid, etc... What I suspect is that maybe I am lover? I am 22, maybe she wanted somebody young to have sex with? She said she doesn't have sex with that guy, and she also said that she had only sex with that guy and no one else.. It is very hard to believe for me because of what we were doing on second date (Probably if we could meet in hotel/house we would have sex), but we only met for walk and some time in car. It is very hard for me beucase I started to like her very much and I know that if I would cut contact now, I will be in so much pain
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Cut your loses NOW. Not a good situation at all. 2
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 I understand but she said that she has feelings for me, and that she would tell him to move out. But really I don't believie it Why it happens to me all the time. I finally was happy to meet someone who is interested. I also feel sorry for her that she is in situation like that. Thanks for advice mikeylo.
lolablue17 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 What reason she gave you for lying to you about this guy?
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) What reason she gave you for lying to you about this guy? She said that she wasn't sure if this is going to work out, that she would like me so much, that she would have feelings. So she decided to tell me that yesterday over phone not in person, because she said I am good guy and I deserve to know the truth, then she hang up but I called her few times until she answered and she was crying telling me that she is very sorry that she did not tell me. I can see that she is very sad about that, that she has a very tough time. She said that she won't be upset when I decide to cut contact. It is very difficult for me because I like her so much, and I know she likes me as well, she is just lost with her life. She also has disibility and can't work (has papers for that, and stuff). This ex is just big problem for her. Destroyed her life with that kid because she was too young and did not wanted it. I would really like to help her to get out of it, even if we not end up in relationship, she is very nice girl, she deserves something better than she has now. I would try to stay for a while because I think she is worth it, but I am scared that she won't do anything about that ex :/ why her mother did not move him out? why he is living with them? I think one of reasons is that he said he will destroy her life and she won't get money from him... (for kid of course) Edit: Also she said that it was akward to tell me that when we started chatting, that she is living with ex, this is why she told me it now. Edited February 18, 2017 by cucumber95
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 How long have you been dating ? If it's just 2 or a few more dates then you are waaaay too fast. There aren't any deep feelings. It's just the initial rush because you ' want ' to think it's special.
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 How long have you been dating ? If it's just 2 or a few more dates then you are waaaay too fast. There aren't any deep feelings. It's just the initial rush because you ' want ' to think it's special. We met 2 times, but we have been chatting and talking (everyday for few hours) for around 3 weeks.
GoldSparkz Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 She seems to have a lot going on in her life and if the relationship became more serious, you would constantly be worrying about her living situation which she LIED about. A lot of ex's live together these days because of the economy, however, this situation is more complex as they have a child together. I would pull away and find someone with less baggage and doesn't feel the need to lie in order to get someone to like them.
lolablue17 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Also she said that it was akward to tell me that when we started chatting, that she is living with ex, this is why she told me it now. OK, she didn't want to share with you her complicated situation until she knows she likes you, and then she told you that by her own will. Seems reasonable to me. I wouldn't call her a liar. The problem of course is her ongoing complicated situation. Well, according to her, it's not temporary. Does she have a plan? Because he might continue to threaten her the next year, and maybe the next 10 or 20 years. So did she raise a white flag? Is she going to fulfill his orders for ever? If she has no intention of changing her situation very soon, I would advice you to step back and go. Don't let her weakness to drag you into a long tragedy, just because she can't stand up for herself and do what she has to do.
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 We met 2 times, but we have been chatting and talking (everyday for few hours) for around 3 weeks. Dude, you are only 22 and after 3 weeks , you have developed such deep feelings for a woman you met off the internet ? Keep Safe. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) i think you are really young to be facing what you are...you both are...i think you need to pull back for a while honestly..my ex sleeps on my couch and i have dated others we truly are just friends i was ina relationship with him more than two decades ago...have not been in any form of intimate relationship since with him since then other than someone who helps him out....like a sister would ro a mother...he calls me mum on occasion which ..yeah the guy si older than me..sister is better.....its complicated with him and i am trying to help him get on his feet with housing and a birth certificate etc.....he was an orphan and i feel like i have sort of adopted him like i do everyone....and non humans as well...i adopt...lol i let guys i date seriously, meet him and talk to him i dont hide facts...pure and simple truth.....helps with the complex nature of our friendship/..... we are both survivors for starters of abuse.........so guys i date....can judge for themselves if i am an honest person..no guy i have dated has ever said or called me a liar and guys trust m e...because i am honest........the situation isnt ideal and if i were be in a long term committed relationship i would continue to help him in finding him his feet in the world and help him hopefully in procuring long lasting accomodation .......i will always be there to help him out...im there to help a lot of people out.... as for you...i think you need to step back and think about where she has been dishonest with you....and if you are not comfortable with sex say so and dont have sex so early you do have the right to say no.......... or if you really doubt her honesty.....you really shouldnt be dating her at all.....in my opinion anyway...good luck op.........deb Edited February 18, 2017 by todreaminblue
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 OK, she didn't want to share with you her complicated situation until she knows she likes you, and then she told you that by her own will. Seems reasonable to me. I wouldn't call her a liar. The problem of course is her ongoing complicated situation. Well, according to her, it's not temporary. Does she have a plan? Because he might continue to threaten her the next year, and maybe the next 10 or 20 years. So did she raise a white flag? Is she going to fulfill his orders for ever? If she has no intention of changing her situation very soon, I would advice you to step back and go. Don't let her weakness to drag you into a long tragedy, just because she can't stand up for herself and do what she has to do. Well she said she is going to change that because she wants to be happy with me, I will wait and see what happens, if it won't change I will step back. Thanks for advice.
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 i think you are really young to be facing what you are...you both are...i think you need to pull back for a while honestly..my ex sleeps on my couch and i have dated others we truly are just friends i was ina relationship with him more than two decades ago...have not been in any form of intimate relationship since with him since then other than someone who helps him out....like a sister would ro a mother...he calls me mum on occasion which ..yeah the guy si older than me..sister is better.....its complicated with him and i am trying to help him get on his feet with housing and a birth certificate etc.....he was an orphan and i feel like i have sort of adopted him like i do everyone....and non humans as well...i adopt...lol i let guys i date seriously, meet him and talk to him i dont hide facts...pure and simple truth.....helps with the complex nature of our friendship/..... we are both survivors for starters of abuse.........so guys i date....can judge for themselves if i am an honest person..no guy i have dated has ever said or called me a liar and guys trust m e...because i am honest........the situation isnt ideal and if i were be in a long term committed relationship i would continue to help him in finding him his feet in the world and help him hopefully in procuring long lasting accomodation .......i will always be there to help him out...im there to help a lot of people out.... as for you...i think you need to step back and think about where she has been dishonest with you....and if you are not comfortable with sex say so and dont have sex so early you do have the right to say no.......... or if you really doubt her honesty.....you really shouldnt be dating her at all.....in my opinion anyway...good luck op.........deb Thanks for such a long post. I don't mind sex so early, but I don't want women which would have sex on 2nd date if you know what I mean, but some women will do it on 2nd date to show man that they are serioius about it or some will have sex with anybody...
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 After 3 weeks & meeting twice, this woman is telling you she is 1). willing to change for you and 2). willing to change her living arrangements. That is a tremendous amount of change for a relative stranger.
goldway90 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Imo if you continue this relationship, your next thread would be " My gf slept with her ex".
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 After 3 weeks & meeting twice, this woman is telling you she is 1). willing to change for you and 2). willing to change her living arrangements. That is a tremendous amount of change for a relative stranger. Well I know, but maybe she never met guy like me and she will? It's not like she wants to live with him, it just when he would not pay then it will be harder for her or whatever. I said to her that he needs to move out if she would like to be with me in futute, she said that she will change it, well if she doesn't then I will step back. Imo if you continue this relationship, your next thread would be " My gf slept with her ex". You could be right or wrong. I did some stuff on that second date that I would never think I would, does it make me guy which would have sex with anybody? NO. Maybe it is same with her if you know what I mean. Maybe they have sex, maybe then don't. Well if they did why would she look for other guy and be so "horny"? We can only spaculate. Anyway thank you all for advice and help with that.
JS84 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Enough red flags in your situation for a Chinese parade. You need to pull the plug on this with both hands my friend. 2
fireflywy Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Too much drama. You're young. Don't waste time with this one. 1
Author cucumber95 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 I decided to let it go. She said he will move out in 3-6 months I don't believe it. She said that she won't have money if he moves out, I suggested renting room for somebody, she said he has debts in bills... Truth is that he will never move out I'm really sad about it, because I really liked her. But I could not be with somebody who lives with ex. She suggested that I can come and talk with her mom about this situation, but what it is going to change? Why bastards like that get such a nice girls and guy like me (not drinking, not smoking, confident, and stable about what I want in life) cant find normal girl? Thanks again to everybody
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