Navybluegal Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) I've been "involved" (for lack of a better term) with this man for quite a while now. Now that I see it clearly, it was nothing more than just a casual arrangement on his terms. He was noncommittal, disappearing, managing down my expectations, blowing hot and cold and essentially using me for sex and an ego stroke while putting on the "right moves" while we were together - being attentive, paying attention to what I was saying, introducing me to friends, holding me on his shoulder after sex, and so on. FINALLY it has dawned on me that he is a playa and a user, and one thing I want at this point is to never see or hear from him again. The caveat is that we work in same company, live in a very small town and have lots of common friends, so my concern is that if I cut him off (which I would love to do if I had that option) it would create tensions, conflict and drama, not on my end but on his (I know him well enough at this point to expect his wounded ego to rebel being dumped). So as an alternative plan, I'm considering telling him that I'm madly in love with him and that I want a relationship and commitment from him (I know he is scared ****less of that word!) and because I can't continue torturing myself like that I need a little time to get over my feelings. Once I do we can "become friends again"(ahem). My guess is he'll let me take all the time in the world to make sure I don't ask him for a relationship! Does this sound like a good plan at all? I know it sounds like playing games but I don't know what would be a good way to dump him AND keep away from conflict with a manipulative narcissist Edited February 18, 2017 by Navybluegal
basil67 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 It doesn't sound like playing games - it IS playing games. Just be honest and say that you need a committed relationship and this one isn't meeting your needs.
Author Navybluegal Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 It doesn't sound like playing games - it IS playing games. Just be honest and say that you need a committed relationship and this one isn't meeting your needs. How do I avoid drama? He will NOT like not being in control!
ExpatInItaly Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 You can't control how he'll react - if he blows a gasket, that's his problem. Let him handle his own emotions. Tell him that this arrangement isn't working for you because you're looking for different things. Then stop responding to his invitations and attempts at contact.
Author Navybluegal Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 Now that I wrote this, it really does sound toolish. I won't lower myself to playing silly games like this. I really don't want to see him again though. Is it ok to tell him over the phone I can't see him anymore?
basil67 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Now that I wrote this, it really does sound toolish. I won't lower myself to playing silly games like this. I really don't want to see him again though. Is it ok to tell him over the phone I can't see him anymore? Do it in a public place.
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Would you want somebody to break up with you over the phone? Being classy & doing it in a public place is better. 1
spiderowl Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 How do I avoid drama? He will NOT like not being in control! Are you afraid of him? It sounds like he deserves to be dumped. Why give him the ego boost of letting him think that you want more of him not less?
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 It may backfire and he proposes on the spot...
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