Lilyana76 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 My best girlfriend and I were talking this morning about her new relationship. She's been seeing a man for a few weeks, and they recently decided to be committed. They are both adorable and I'm happy for them. Anyway during our conversation she said she was waiting to find his "fatal flaw". I told her she needs to stop waiting to find out, "oh whats wrong with this one." Perhaps, what you might think is a fatal flaw is just a flaw that can be overlooked. Then she told me he's lactose intolerant and she hopes that he won't mind if she chows down on cheese and milk in front of him. She said it might make it hard for them to share meals together. "Maybe thats his fatal flaw". Then she said, no it has to be something far worse.... I guess when I start seeing someone I don't wait around for the bad stuff to come out. My question is, do you find yourself thinking, when you are with someone new, that you are going to find a "fatal flaw" eventually?
Jj66 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 No. But they sometimes become apparent later. Sometimes it's hard to recognize or accept it when you find a fundamental incompatibility with someone you have invested a lot if time and energy in. Especially if they have a lot if good qualities in addition to the "flaw" that makes them incompatible it can be very hard to decide to let go. You think maybe you can live with it. But a "fatal" flaw isn't just a flaw that can be accepted as part of the process of integrating the good and the bad. It is by definition, a flaw (or incompatibility) that you can't live with. It's one that will eventually doom the relationship. It can be very hard to decide sometimes whether a difference is fatal of not. I'm having to make that very evaluation in my relationship right now. I'm giving it a few more months to see if the difference is something that will prevent a satisfying relationship. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I don't think I've ever thought that way on a first date. I had positive expectations, or I'd never have agreed to go on the date in the first place. 1
enddeck Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 And this is the main reason that some people will spend their entire lives looking for mr or miss perfect and end up sad,bitter and alone.The truth of the matter is everyone has flaws,some minor and some major.Loving someone is seeing past these flaws and understanding that the person behind the flaw is a kind,decent human being.The friend that the op writes about sounds like an insecure,entitled pain in the ass.Does she refuse to allow herself to relax and get to know someone,or is she always waiting for the deal breaker that she probably hadn't thought of as a deal breaker until that day. 6
RecentChange Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Then she told me he's lactose intolerant and she hopes that he won't mind if she chows down on cheese and milk in front of him. She said it might make it hard for them to share meals together. "Maybe thats his fatal flaw". Then she said, no it has to be something far worse.... Are you kidding me? I had no idea people thought like this. No wonder so many flounder and fail miserably when it comes to dating. I am like you, I have never been one to be looking for a "fatal flaw". I never encountered one in a boy friend. I am trying to think what a "fatal flaw" that could be initially hidden would be...Animal abuse? Addictions I suppose? A drug, or gambling addiction would be a no go for me. - but for the most part, these are character flaws, and I think I am usually able to sniff those out before seriously considering someone. I have never dated any one seriously and then discovered something that was the "fatal flaw". But lactose intolerance?!?!? I mean, I see she changed her mind, but the fact tat she even mentioned it is straight bizarre ro me. 4
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 i don't look for fatal flaws......and if i have a problem ill discuss with the guy i am dating....i guess a fatal flaw would be a child molester, rapist, murderer woman basher...negger ......manipulator.....torturer....a guy who didnt stick to his values.... a guy who never said what he was really thinking...a cheat...a hypocrite a compulsive liar...a guy who didnt love hsi mum............or a guy who has no idea what my favorite sandwich is and when he gave me a sandwich he had cut it into squares and cut the crusts off ...i love the crusts....and sandwiches should be pointy........yep fatal...wouldnt look for them unless i asked him to make my fave sadnwich and he said ok whats that...kidding....deb 1
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) I don't have think like that Edited February 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough
GoldSparkz Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 I'm a positive person so I try to see the good in everyone despite my bad experiences dating. However, because of these bad experiences I do catch myself waiting for those flaws to reveal themselves. I find that after the 3 month point, the real person starts to show through the initial façade, which in my case hasn't been great.
Author Lilyana76 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 I told my friend I think she has a very bad list of fatal flaws. A fatal flaw to me is an abuser, alcoholic, drug addict, sexual offender, cheat, liar, you know those types of things... not lactose intolerance. usually the really bad stuff is apparent pretty early on. I think my friend just has issues with everything not working out, so she waits for something really bad to happen, or to show itself. Not a good way to be when it comes to dating. 1
Ronnys93 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 I told my friend I think she has a very bad list of fatal flaws. A fatal flaw to me is an abuser, alcoholic, drug addict, sexual offender, cheat, liar, you know those types of things... not lactose intolerance. usually the really bad stuff is apparent pretty early on. I think my friend just has issues with everything not working out, so she waits for something really bad to happen, or to show itself. Not a good way to be when it comes to dating. She sounds like she's looking for reasons to leave. 1
smackie9 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Sounds to me she has been disappointed way too many times, like "he's too good to be true...." Usually dealbreakers are easy to pick up within the first few weeks, when they let their guard down. My personally wouldn't look at it as "when" it's going to happen tho. So pessimistic she is.
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