Life lessons Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I spoke with her friend. I asked her was there a certain reason as to why she reached out to me. I asked specifically if there is any physical cheating. She said no to physical cheating. She said my gf met for maybe 30-45 minutes. It was one time. She said she told me because it's not fair, as my gf bday Christmas and anniversary were all around that time period and I was spending a lot of money on gifts and dinner. With all this. My gf keeps apologizing like crazy. She won't leave me alone, I asked for time apart but I keep replying. It's just so surreal. I asked her how many texts am I expecting to see she said over 500. Wow!! It's going to take a lot for the trust to be built back up. She knows damn well what she's done is wrong!!
Jj66 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Oh man. It sucks. Many years ago one of her friends clued me into some disloyalty going on in my relationship. I didn't want to believe it at first but there had been a few signs. And then when I checked up on a few things I concluded her friend was telling the truth. I still don't know if there was physical cheating or if they just met. And I never tried to find out. The dishonesty was enough to seal the deal for me. I never confronted her about her disloyalty, I just dumped her without giving any explanation. She begged to know why. I never answered her and went no contact. Later it became clear the friend had informed me about this because she was jealous. She didn't think it was fair that such a dishonest person would have the attention of a great guy while an honest person like her only got a-holes. She intentionally torpedoed the relationship which was a good thing for me, but her intentions were not noble. That's a story for another thread. 1
Author vin1987 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 So I haven't pulled the trigger yet... I just want to make sure I don't look back with regret. I'll post a brief summary of everything I found out: -gf in contact with ex for almost a month -didn't tell me, found out on my own -she kept promising that what she said was everything, then the next day more info then the next day even more and so on -hundreds of texts sent -multiple hour long phone calls -met up twice; once for coffee and a second time he drove her and her friend home. This excludes the original run in, so 3 times. -in regards to the original run in she didn't leave she stuck around for 45 mins -secret snap chat account (swears no pictures of each other were ever exchanged) -everything is deleted, only reason I got more info was through the dr fone bluff -at this point in time she said she has said everything she can remember and said nothing big would be pulled from viewing the texts, just that I would be upset reading it all in general -she has sworn there was no physical contact in the meets I just put this list out for you guys and myself to look and reflect. Is there anything else that comes to mind they I should inquire about? Is it time to cut the cord here or forgive? She's 6 years younger, so there's a different maturity level.
kgcolonel Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 So I haven't pulled the trigger yet... I just want to make sure I don't look back with regret. I'll post a brief summary of everything I found out: -gf in contact with ex for almost a month -didn't tell me, found out on my own -she kept promising that what she said was everything, then the next day more info then the next day even more and so on -hundreds of texts sent -multiple hour long phone calls -met up twice; once for coffee and a second time he drove her and her friend home. This excludes the original run in, so 3 times. -in regards to the original run in she didn't leave she stuck around for 45 mins -secret snap chat account (swears no pictures of each other were ever exchanged) -everything is deleted, only reason I got more info was through the dr fone bluff -at this point in time she said she has said everything she can remember and said nothing big would be pulled from viewing the texts, just that I would be upset reading it all in general -she has sworn there was no physical contact in the meets I just put this list out for you guys and myself to look and reflect. Is there anything else that comes to mind they I should inquire about? Is it time to cut the cord here or forgive? She's 6 years younger, so there's a different maturity level. Vin, at the end of the day, this is and should only be your decision. That said, here are some questions you might ask yourself: 1. Will you ever be able to trust and forgive her for what's she's done? 2. Do you feel you've got the full story from her. 3. What is she doing to ensure that you both are confident that this will not re-occur and secondly, that she's truly remorseful for her lies etc. 4. Is she worth the pain she has already caused you....is she the person you'd want to teach your kids how to conduct themselves? These questions might help in making your decision at to your mutual future.
Author vin1987 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 Vin, at the end of the day, this is and should only be your decision. That said, here are some questions you might ask yourself: 1. Will you ever be able to trust and forgive her for what's she's done? 2. Do you feel you've got the full story from her. 3. What is she doing to ensure that you both are confident that this will not re-occur and secondly, that she's truly remorseful for her lies etc. 4. Is she worth the pain she has already caused you....is she the person you'd want to teach your kids how to conduct themselves? These questions might help in making your decision at to your mutual future. 1. I'm a forgiving person over time. I Do believe I'll be able to trust her again. If this is all she has said I can see myself forgiving her. 2. No I don't feel I have the full story. 3. She was willing to have her phone pulled. I told her to make sure she has told me the fully story before I see it all. She said told me everything she can think of. What would one have to do in order to show they wouldn't do this again? 4. I haven't ended it yet so I believe it's worth it enough to keep questioning this
Gaeta Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Is there anything else that comes to mind they I should inquire about? Is it time to cut the cord here or forgive? She's 6 years younger, so there's a different maturity level. How could this even be a question in your mind. At 1 year dating she should still be completely taken by you. She should be talking about your next level she shouldn't be flirting and secretly seeing exs and fantasizing about them. She cannot still be in love with you and act this way. She broke the seal of trust. In the dating world it's not something you forgive. It's an indication you don't have what it takes to make it long term. If you were married with 3 kids I'd have a different advice but in this case here, only 1 year dating you end this and find yourself a woman worthy of your love and attention. 1
phineas Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) my head hurts. OP you sound like me when my now EX wife was cheating. I knew it but didn't want to believe it and was willing to "forgive" her. But that just seemed to make her more bold in her cheating so i had to end it. Edited February 23, 2017 by phineas 1
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