Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Two things really stand out. The fact that she went to the lengths of completely resetting your phone to hide evidence of whatever they were sending each other. Also, the fact her friend would warn you about what your girlfriend was doing, which would have to be pretty bad for a friend to break friendship code like that. I'm sorry to say it, but none of this looks innocent. 1
dumbass2 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 So guys I told her if she is okay with me restoring the phone and pulling old texts. She said go ahead she's told me everything and isn't hiding anything. You really can't win by asking her that. The bigger issue is how she handled it and the fact she contacted him again after an argument. Bringing this up to her this way is a no win proposition. You can read the text one way and have her twist it another and be all kissing face and all is good because you believe her because she wouldn't lie to you because you both love each other (blah blah blah) or you could see that the text were harmless in which case she'll now turn this on to you as being insecure and not trusting of her (which is obvious). If I were you and you wanted to work on this with her, then set up boundaries and have consequences if crossed. Don't threaten her with actions, just let her know what you wont tolerate and if she does it again, you just end it, but threatening to break up with someone if they do something again is not a good approach IMO. You shouldn't have to threaten anyone in order to be in a relationship with them.
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 So guys I told her if she is okay with me restoring the phone and pulling old texts. She said go ahead she's told me everything and isn't hiding anything. There is no use for you to read those texts. What ever is in there she will minimize it and convince you it's all innocent. I believe you are around 30 years old. None of you are kids anymore and she knew what she was doing was wrong and she did it still. That's the problem, the flirting, the hiding and the lying. Is this the type of character you want to enter a long relationship with? You have been dating 1 year, you should be making long term plans, not flirting with exs. I can tell you this about women, when women are in love they are blind to temptations. They only see their bf and don't care about other guys and don't care about exs. If your girlfriend allowed herself to flirt with her ex for an entire month it's because her heart isn't fully with you. At only 1 year she should be totally and completely taken by you. I don't think this is viable long term.
Author vin1987 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 Thanks for the replies. I don't actually have the software or know how to get old texts. It was sort of a bluff to see her reaction. She seemed not worried in regards to me reading them. She said it is only gonna make me angrier but there is nothing to hide. It is just hard to believe that if you delete texts. I asked her why she would even Uniate the texting and she said she has 3 years with him and felt bad that she ran into him and wasn't able to talk???
goldway90 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Thanks for the replies. I don't actually have the software or know how to get old texts. It was sort of a bluff to see her reaction. She seemed not worried in regards to me reading them. She said it is only gonna make me angrier but there is nothing to hide. It is just hard to believe that if you delete texts. I asked her why she would even Uniate the texting and she said she has 3 years with him and felt bad that she ran into him and wasn't able to talk??? She's playing you like a fiddle.
kgcolonel Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Thanks for the replies. I don't actually have the software or know how to get old texts. It was sort of a bluff to see her reaction. She seemed not worried in regards to me reading them. She said it is only gonna make me angrier but there is nothing to hide. It is just hard to believe that if you delete texts. I asked her why she would even Uniate the texting and she said she has 3 years with him and felt bad that she ran into him and wasn't able to talk??? That is an explanation as to why she was texting but not why she deleted the texts.....
Author vin1987 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 Hey guys. Just found out she met with him once in that month and spoke a few times on the phone.
Poutrew Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Hey guys. Just found out she met with him once in that month and spoke a few times on the phone. Sorry, but this is following a tried and true pattern.... first they just talked, then after much arm pulling, they met, then after more time and effort, they kissed, then they only did oral, then,,, dude, just cut to the chase. Ask her if the sex they had was so good it was worth destroying your present relationship? Then go NC. Don't let this gal manipulate you- dump her. 3
goldway90 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Hey guys. Just found out she met with him once in that month and spoke a few times on the phone. Wow i'm surprised. What are you waiting for seriously? They had sex on that day and spoke on the phone about how good it was, meanwhile you're trying to recover texts. Wake up.
Author vin1987 Posted February 18, 2017 Author Posted February 18, 2017 Wow i'm surprised. What are you waiting for seriously? They had sex on that day and spoke on the phone about how good it was, meanwhile you're trying to recover texts. Wake up. She said it was just a meetup at Starbucks. For less than an hour. As I write this I realize how pathetic I sound.
TheAntiHero Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Texting with the ex, check. Deleting texts from the ex, check. Meeting with the ex, check. Telling you what you want to hear about the ex ("nothing is going on here"), check. Sounds like what you have here is a loving and caring partner............to her ex, haha. Leave her, she's monkey branching.
Logo Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Walk away. Sorry. She lied to you too many times. And the more you dig the more details come out.
Jj66 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) Emotional cheating, definitely. Physical cheating, likely. Her friend would not have let you know something was going on if it wasn't quite serious. Resetting the phone is the nail in the coffin. I suggest you revenge bang her friend after you say goodbye since her friend obviously cares more about you than she does. The last part about revenge is tongue in cheek. Edited February 18, 2017 by Jj66
NoCompass Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 She said it was just a meetup at Starbucks. For less than an hour. As I write this I realize how pathetic I sound. Um.. That is a date. Not a meetup. She had a date with her ex behind your back and didn't tell you about it. That is cheating.
Logo Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Um.. That is a date. Not a meetup. She had a date with her ex behind your back and didn't tell you about it. That is cheating. Why is it a date? I'm curious. Because she didn't tell him about it? Can't exes meet for platonic reasons? I'm not being naive, I'm just wondering why you labeled it a date.
NoCompass Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Why is it a date? I'm curious. Because she didn't tell him about it? Can't exes meet for platonic reasons? I'm not being naive, I'm just wondering why you labeled it a date. A 1-on-1 meeting with an opposite sex whom you know has a romantic and sexual interest in you = DATE Cheaters, monkey-branchers, insecure partners who wanna keep a Plan B crowd/harem/admirers might label that a 'catch up', 'meet up', 'just friends' 'platonic intentions' but a date is a date. 1
Marc878 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 She said it was just a meetup at Starbucks. For less than an hour. As I write this I realize how pathetic I sound. I'm glad you can see this. You are putting a lot of time and effort into a worthless venture. You should value yourself more than you are to stay in something like this. If a friend warned you what was hapening behind your back it had to be pretty open for them to know what was going on. Move on already
Marc878 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 She said it was just a meetup at Starbucks. For less than an hour. As I write this I realize how pathetic I sound. Ha! Cheaters lie a lot in case you didn't know. This is what you'll be dealing with if you stay in it.
bachdude Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I personally do not think it is a big deal to be in occasional text contact with an ex as long as the romantic feelings have faded. HOWEVER, If a friend of your GF feels the need to tell you she is in contact with an ex...well, it's because she is concerned about you and thinks it important to warn you. Think on that. Good luck, bro.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 She said it was just a meetup at Starbucks. For less than an hour. As I write this I realize how pathetic I sound. It's not us that you need to worry about. She also is thinking the same thing. Time for you to make a choice. 1
lolablue17 Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 OK, let's summearize the facts... 1. You discovered that she was messaging her Ex. You confronted her and she said the texts were innocent. 2. Oops, she deleted the texts... So she also deleted the option for her to prove to you that it was innocent. 3. You tell her that you are going to recover the texts. She says "go ahead", but surprisingly after a while she suddenly remember to tell you that she also met with him. Why did she decide to tell you? Choose... a. Because she is an honest girl and always tell you everything. b. because she had an amnesia, and suddenly got back her memory. c. Because she remembered that in the texts (she thinks you are going to recover) there was an evidence of her meeting with him. As far as you know she slept with him. What she says worth nothing. How can you stay with a girl that tell lies on a daily bases just like you eat. She exposed to you her values in a relationship, and honesty is not on her list. If she'd came clean in the first time, it was different. But this girl tell you only the things you might discover by yourself, this is a typical behavior of a cheater material. 1
NoCompass Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 OK, let's summearize the facts... 1. You discovered that she was messaging her Ex. You confronted her and she said the texts were innocent. 2. Oops, she deleted the texts... So she also deleted the option for her to prove to you that it was innocent. 3. You tell her that you are going to recover the texts. She says "go ahead", but surprisingly after a while she suddenly remember to tell you that she also met with him. Why did she decide to tell you? Choose... a. Because she is an honest girl and always tell you everything. b. because she had an amnesia, and suddenly got back her memory. c. Because she remembered that in the texts (she thinks you are going to recover) there was an evidence of her meeting with him. As far as you know she slept with him. What she says worth nothing. How can you stay with a girl that tell lies on a daily bases just like you eat. She exposed to you her values in a relationship, and honesty is not on her list. If she'd came clean in the first time, it was different. But this girl tell you only the things you might discover by yourself, this is a typical behavior of a cheater material. Also, he didn't discover it organically. He was messaged on instagram from her friend who must have seen enough 'wrong' things to reach out to OP. She isn't going to do that for one accidental run in at Starbucks. This trickle truth lady's claim of "I stopped talking to my ex before you confronted me" is just another lie. If I have to bet, I'd say she is a 100% cheating/ed. 1
Author vin1987 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Posted February 19, 2017 I spoke with her friend. I asked her was there a certain reason as to why she reached out to me. I asked specifically if there is any physical cheating. She said no to physical cheating. She said my gf met for maybe 30-45 minutes. It was one time. She said she told me because it's not fair, as my gf bday Christmas and anniversary were all around that time period and I was spending a lot of money on gifts and dinner. With all this. My gf keeps apologizing like crazy. She won't leave me alone, I asked for time apart but I keep replying. It's just so surreal. I asked her how many texts am I expecting to see she said over 500.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Your relationship is done, OP. She isn't honest and you will have a hard time getting the truth from her in the future. That trust you had is gone. Kudos to her friend for telling you, but you also can't assume the friend knows the full truth either. She can only tell you what she knows, which likely isn't everything. A healthy relationship doesn't look like this. 1
Life lessons Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Hi, I found out my GF of 1 year was talking to her ex (of 3 years) for a month between december and janurary. She says they just talked about life (school, work, pets, vacation). She ran into him and then texted him that night... He is aware of me. What drives me bonkers is that this went on for a month. She would delete the texts, and text him when I was not around. From what she said they spoke about its harmless, she said he tried to flirt/hit on her but she ignored it (but kept texting???). We had a fight where we didn't speak for a couple days, and found out she texted him during this period. It is hard for me to trust her now. She says she already stopped texting him before I found out. Anyone have any suggestions? TL/DR: Found out gf of 1 year texted her ex of 3 years for a month She deleted the texts She said it was just general topics OP having a hard time trusting her now OP found out after she already supposedly stopped texting. Completely unacceptable. I personally don't feel like exes should or can remain just friends. The part that really stands out is the fact that she's hidden and deleted texts from the ex, so that you wouldn't be able to see the content. If it was all innocent then why hide it? Ask her how she would feel if you were doing what she's doing!
Recommended Posts