vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Hi, I found out my GF of 1 year was talking to her ex (of 3 years) for a month between december and janurary. She says they just talked about life (school, work, pets, vacation). She ran into him and then texted him that night... He is aware of me. What drives me bonkers is that this went on for a month. She would delete the texts, and text him when I was not around. From what she said they spoke about its harmless, she said he tried to flirt/hit on her but she ignored it (but kept texting???). We had a fight where we didn't speak for a couple days, and found out she texted him during this period. It is hard for me to trust her now. She says she already stopped texting him before I found out. Anyone have any suggestions? TL/DR: Found out gf of 1 year texted her ex of 3 years for a month She deleted the texts She said it was just general topics OP having a hard time trusting her now OP found out after she already supposedly stopped texting.
kgcolonel Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Dating is like test driving a car. If you were test driving a car and it didn't run well and almost quit on you, would you buy the car? I don't see the texting as a totally bad thing however the need to delete the texts is the deal breaker. She lied, at least by omission in not telling you they bumped into each other and then by the continued texting. Then she decided to hide it by deleting the texts. Now you're supposed to believe her that it was harmless communicaton?? Then why delete it? If she's honest about the harmless nature, tell her you have the Dr. Fone app that will recover her texts. Tell her you want to recover the texts to be able to trust her again....she how she reacts. 1
goldway90 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She would delete the texts, and text him when I was not around. Red flag. We had a fight where we didn't speak for a couple days, and found out she texted him during this period Another red flag. My advice is be careful, she went to him after you two fought and probably complained about how awful you are.Next fight she'll spend the night with him, one thing leads to another and you have " Oh it just happened i'm sorry OP".
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 If she's honest about the harmless nature, tell her you have the Dr. Fone app that will recover her texts. Tell her you want to recover the texts to be able to trust her again....she how she reacts. Coincidentally she used my old phone for the first half of the month she talked to him. It is an iphone, she got herself a new one and reset my old phone. I heard of dr. fone, but is it possible to pull old texts on a phone that is fully reset?
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 Red flag. Another red flag. My advice is be careful, she went to him after you two fought and probably complained about how awful you are.Next fight she'll spend the night with him, one thing leads to another and you have " Oh it just happened i'm sorry OP". Yeah, that's the thing. It leads to me to now wonder if we have a disagreement, I am going to assume any text she gets is going to be him. Even if it truly is not, I am unfortunately in that mind set now.
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I heard of dr. fone, but is it possible to pull old texts on a phone that is fully reset? When you have to resort of spying app like this it's because your relationship is already over. Have some respect for yourself. It's beneath you to spy on a girlfriend's phone. If you don't trust her than break up. 3
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I occasionally talk to EXs when I bump into them. It doesn't go farther. . . basic how are you, how is the family etc. I always tell DH when I see these men & don't hide things from him. Once conversation would be OK in my book. Continuing to interact with him even in a harmless way is still harmful. Hiding the texts from you & sneaking around is toxic. You can't trust her. Proceed with caution, if at all
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 When you have to resort of spying app like this it's because your relationship is already over. Have some respect for yourself. It's beneath you to spy on a girlfriend's phone. If you don't trust her than break up. Yeah I know, as I typed that I realized how low I was going. Just insult to injury she was using my phone to talk to him.
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 I occasionally talk to EXs when I bump into them. It doesn't go farther. . . basic how are you, how is the family etc. I always tell DH when I see these men & don't hide things from him. Once conversation would be OK in my book. Continuing to interact with him even in a harmless way is still harmful. Hiding the texts from you & sneaking around is toxic. You can't trust her. Proceed with caution, if at all 100% agree, one interaction would have been completely fine. An ongoing one, where texts are deleted is not cool.
Logo Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) She didn't set clear boundaries and she continued texting him. That's a red flag like you said. Tell her you want to take a break. Don't show her the anger that you're feeling right now. Just play it cool. If she comes begging for another chance, great. And make it hard for her to win you back. If not, you'll have your answer. Edited February 17, 2017 by Logo
OatsAndHall Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Eh... I will call it off with any woman who lies to me. The fact that she's lying about talking to an ex just adds fuel to that fire for me.
Logo Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Eh... I will call it off with any woman who lies to me. The fact that she's lying about talking to an ex just adds fuel to that fire for me. If it was me, I would walk away from this relationship too.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She's behaving inappropriately. The extent to which they're chatting and the context in which she contacts him (when you're not around and after an argument) all spell trouble. Part of her heart is still with him, and she deliberately deceived you. I think this would be the end of the road for me. Out of curiosity, who broke up with whom, and why?
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 She's behaving inappropriately. The extent to which they're chatting and the context in which she contacts him (when you're not around and after an argument) all spell trouble. Part of her heart is still with him, and she deliberately deceived you. I think this would be the end of the road for me. Out of curiosity, who broke up with whom, and why? She broke up with him. She said they were growing apart. Maybe saw each other once a month.
dumbass2 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Deleting the texts? They must not have been innocent. Texting him again once you had an argument. Deal breaker. Done. Trust is gone. Don't think for a second you can stay in this relationship and trust her. You are always going to wonder who she is texting. Sounds like she was quick to almost jump ship after an argument. Not good at all. Hope you make the best decision for yourself and think logically and not with your heart. 1
DC77 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Agree with Gaeta. If you have to resort to spying, the relationship is not healthy. If she has sneak around and delete things she is not being honest with you. No matter what she says to try to justify herself. She does not respect you or your relationship. The longer you stay the deeper the hole will get and more painful the breakup.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Hi, I found out my GF of 1 year was talking to her ex (of 3 years) for a month between december and janurary. She says they just talked about life (school, work, pets, vacation). She ran into him and then texted him that night... He is aware of me. What drives me bonkers is that this went on for a month. She would delete the texts, and text him when I was not around. From what she said they spoke about its harmless, she said he tried to flirt/hit on her but she ignored it (but kept texting???). We had a fight where we didn't speak for a couple days, and found out she texted him during this period. It is hard for me to trust her now. She says she already stopped texting him before I found out. Anyone have any suggestions? TL/DR: Found out gf of 1 year texted her ex of 3 years for a month She deleted the texts She said it was just general topics OP having a hard time trusting her now OP found out after she already supposedly stopped texting. On the severity scale of 10, I would call this a 3. I actually have the urge to hang out with my exes and to not touch them. They have things in common with me that my current GF does not and we used to have fun doing those things. Keep in mind, I have NOT hung out with my exes since I have been dating my current. They have sent very sporadic 2 sentence texts asking generally how I am doing. But I understand the urge and I understand why someone would think its relatively harmless. When/if I have to cross that bridge, I will give full respect to the woman I'm dating. You have to remember. I knew a guy whose girlfriend had sex with his best friend at his birthday party. And they stayed together. Now, THAT is a 10 on a scale of 10. So, it's all individual thresholds...
goldway90 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 OP how did you discover all this? The usual my gf left her phone or fb open and i snooped. 1
kendahke Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She broke up with him. She said they were growing apart. Maybe saw each other once a month. How exactly did you find out? Gaeta has asked the question twice now.
coolheadal Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) Hi, I found out my GF of 1 year was talking to her ex (of 3 years) for a month between december and janurary. She says they just talked about life (school, work, pets, vacation). She ran into him and then texted him that night... He is aware of me. What drives me bonkers is that this went on for a month. She would delete the texts, and text him when I was not around. From what she said they spoke about its harmless, she said he tried to flirt/hit on her but she ignored it (but kept texting???). We had a fight where we didn't speak for a couple days, and found out she texted him during this period. It is hard for me to trust her now. She says she already stopped texting him before I found out. Anyone have any suggestions? TL/DR: Found out gf of 1 year texted her ex of 3 years for a month She deleted the texts She said it was just general topics OP having a hard time trusting her now OP found out after she already supposedly stopped texting. Well you found her out and now you have doubts.. She lied to you and that's what hurts. It happens. So she covered up her tracks by deleting the text so you don't find out what she really said to him. I am sure she loves him still and said all sorts of things you wouldn't want to hear about. That is called emotional cheating.. Cheating with words. So you have a cheater. If you tolerate her behavior on this you will never gain her respect ever again. She doesn't care about your feelings or does she even respect you so the respect and trust it gone on both ends. So you had a fight and stopped talking to her and she gone after him. So that clearly shows you she's not loyal at all. What you need to do now is tell her is this, you have cheated on me with emotion to your ex and now you expect me to trust you after all of this and you keep on doing like you don't give a dam!" This is what you say to her but in the end she's not into you again if she was she would never have done this to you. Best to get out of this now before you lose your mind over this. Can't trust a woman like her you just can't because she will continue and you'll get hurt and no man should ever go through such hurt never ever! She's not worth it my friend. You need to pull in your gut tell her to leave or you leave. She will try to hold onto you if your paying for everything and you need to let her go, this is very hard for us men to do. I've done myself when I found out my ex was doing emotional cheating on me with some guy in Scotland, but I handled it all on my own. I was good about got her bus tickets about 4 online and placed her on Greyhound bus. No hugs, no goodbyes.. I was so happy when she was gone out of my life for good! Edited February 17, 2017 by coolheadal
kgcolonel Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Coincidentally she used my old phone for the first half of the month she talked to him. It is an iphone, she got herself a new one and reset my old phone. I heard of dr. fone, but is it possible to pull old texts on a phone that is fully reset? It's not really important whether or not it's possible, the important thing is her response....that will tell you what you need to know...might ask her that before ;you restore the messages, is there anything you want to warn me about? Watch her reaction. 1
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 OP how did you discover all this? I was messaged on Instagram from her friend. She said she needs to tell me because what my gf is doing is wrong. All she told me was my gf is in contact with her ex. When I confronted her I was expecting the one time message or whatever but when I found out it was a month I was completely blindsided.
Author vin1987 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 So guys I told her if she is okay with me restoring the phone and pulling old texts. She said go ahead she's told me everything and isn't hiding anything.
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