LadyOfHope Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 He has basically vanished. I went on 4 incredible dates within a month with an amazing fellow I used to work with. He even mentioned how compatible we were and how he felt strongly about us together --> which he hadn't felt since his ex wife (I am also divorced and felt the same way). I mentioned to him how I wished to take things slowly as I ended a 1.5 year relationship months earlier. I shared about wanting to create a strong friendship foundation before anything too physical, even though I easily desired to go sexy Librarian on him. He reciprocated this desire and stated he would respect my wishes. We only had visited 2nd base. After opening up to him about my wishes, he soon vanished. We used to text good mornings and good nights, with sporadic daily texts and calls. Over the last 1.5 weeks since our last date, he hasn't made an effort to connect with me. I feel I had made an effort to connect with him by sending a couple good morning/night texts and calling him once (got the answering machine). He told me in a text 2 days ago how I was understanding of his disappearance over the weekend during his trip with his kids, and even sent xoxo's. I am confused. Is he or is he not interested? I want to call him up and ask. Is this the time when guys usually pull away to examine and decide if they want a relationship? I want to respect his time with his kids this week as well. I have my own kids too during the weekdays. I would like to think he would want to make plans for this weekend as our VValentines seeing that we had kids on Tuesday. #sadface Does it have anything to do with our age/financial differences? He's mid 50's and I'm mid 30's. He's rich. I'm in debt and going to school We both knew this though going into our first date. We both have kids about the same age, but mine are 3-5 years older. Thoughts? I appreciate your advice if I should address this or let it go and move on.
winny Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 don't overthink. if he is interested he will come to you.
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 It sounds like he just faded away. I wouldn't chase him. I can't say why he lost interest but it appears as though he has. Let him go. Sorry.
coolheadal Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Has nothing to do with the age if you had a problem with it you wouldn't have dated him. He's doing this thing with his kids. You have to respect. Don't show weakness on your part by contacting him. Sure you could but let him have is time with his kids. If you don't hear from in after a week or so then you know it's time to move on. Him being rich is that the only reason you know about him do you really care about him.
ChatroomHero Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 It sounds like you asked him to slow down, he complied, and now you are wondering if him slowing down means he is losing interest? It sounds to me like he did what you asked. Be careful you don't put him in a lose-lose situation. He'll feel like if he ups the contact you'll say it's too much, too fast, if he doesn't contact you it's not enough. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. 3
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Looks like "developing a strong friendship base before anything physical" is too slow for him so he bounced. Don't contact him again. He knows how to find you 2
Redhead14 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 He has basically vanished. I went on 4 incredible dates within a month with an amazing fellow I used to work with. He even mentioned how compatible we were and how he felt strongly about us together --> which he hadn't felt since his ex wife (I am also divorced and felt the same way). I mentioned to him how I wished to take things slowly as I ended a 1.5 year relationship months earlier. I shared about wanting to create a strong friendship foundation before anything too physical, even though I easily desired to go sexy Librarian on him. He reciprocated this desire and stated he would respect my wishes. We only had visited 2nd base. After opening up to him about my wishes, he soon vanished. We used to text good mornings and good nights, with sporadic daily texts and calls. Over the last 1.5 weeks since our last date, he hasn't made an effort to connect with me. I feel I had made an effort to connect with him by sending a couple good morning/night texts and calling him once (got the answering machine). He told me in a text 2 days ago how I was understanding of his disappearance over the weekend during his trip with his kids, and even sent xoxo's. I am confused. Is he or is he not interested? I want to call him up and ask. Is this the time when guys usually pull away to examine and decide if they want a relationship? I want to respect his time with his kids this week as well. I have my own kids too during the weekdays. I would like to think he would want to make plans for this weekend as our VValentines seeing that we had kids on Tuesday. #sadface Does it have anything to do with our age/financial differences? He's mid 50's and I'm mid 30's. He's rich. I'm in debt and going to school We both knew this though going into our first date. We both have kids about the same age, but mine are 3-5 years older. Thoughts? I appreciate your advice if I should address this or let it go and move on. Sit back and observe. Let him come to you. I think you are overthinking this. You've had 4 dates, each about a week apart. Now it's about a week and a half since the last one and he's been spending time with his children so he should be focused on them not a girl he just started dating. That's all. Its just a blip for now. And, just because you two have had 4 dates, it doesn't make you two "Valentines" yet. Yeah, it would have been nice/cute, but there were other things going on. Wait and see if things go back to "normal" this week. Don't reach out anymore either. Let him do the initiating until things level out again. If he continues to be less proactive, you just let it go. Don't chase after him.
goldway90 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Just relax and let him come to you. The worst thing you can do is being needy by chasing and calling. 1
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 "Developing a friendship first" never worked for me, at least not in a romantic sense. I simply ended up with female friends. Maybe he has had similar experiences. But it's probably hard to tell. He may be going through all kinds of things after a recent divorce. I am afraid there is not much you can do at the moment. He knows your position and how to contact you.
Author LadyOfHope Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 I am wonderfully grateful and appreciate for your insights everyone. I am feeling more content with continuing not to connect with him. I wish there was more adulting involved in whether or not someone would like to commit, however, I understand matters of the heart can be complicated. Please note the age/financial situation doesn't bother me. I paid for movies and dinner and the like during dates. I brought it up as perhaps a plausible point as to why he may not be attempting to connect. Whatever the case may be, he has my respect. Thank you again everyone. 2
KBarletta Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I shared about wanting to create a strong friendship foundation before anything too physical, even though I easily desired to go sexy Librarian on him. Maybe he reciprocated your feelings to be polite, but really wanted the sexy librarian? If that's what you really wanted, why not go for it? There's more than one way to a healthy relationship. You can build a friendship and have sex at the same time. I guess what I am saying is, do you now regret this statement if in fact it drove him away? If so, maybe it's worth contacting him one last time and letting him know. You really have nothing to lose, especially if you don't think you're going to hear from him again anyway. He may have taken your statement to indicate that you aren't as into him as he thought. Sometimes people say "let's be friends first" as a way to cushion the blow while still maintaining the "friendship" because they like the attention that comes with having someone like that around. He may have thought that's what you were trying to set up and he bolted. Just my $0.02. I wish you luck.
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