lostintranslation89 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Me: relatively smart, well-dressed, been told I am attractive. I work at a huge firm with hundreds of employees. There was one guy I kept seeing around. Finally figured his name out. Turns out he's in the line of work I eventually want to get in to. I messaged him on Skype for Business to request an informational interview. He agreed. We met for a quick half hour chat regarding the role. The next day, I thanked him for his time and said if he's ever interested in grabbing coffee, here's my #. He replied that it was nice meeting me and that he was happy to help and responded to my coffee offer with the following: 'and yes, coffee would be nice, things are a bit crazy right now but maybe in a few days'. I did not respond to this message. It's been a week and a half since we spoke. What does this mean? He is 30 and I'm 24 if that makes a difference.
Leodan Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 If you're dead set on making the date happen, take initiative. The ball is in your court; reply with a message and give him a few options by saying something along the lines of: "Would still like to have coffee with you. What works better for you: monday at 7, or wednesday at 5?" Interchange the days as needed, and the times as well. If he's interested, he'll make an effort to reschedule if the dates/times you give him don't work.
winny Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 i would message something like - hey still up for coffee? 1
sealegs Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I agree I would try to set something up again. But one thing that kind of popped into mind is that he might not have taken it as a date, especially since you met up in kind of a more business type situation. I have had this problem with asking women out to coffee, where they think it is more to just hang out rather than an obvious date kind of vibe. Could just be me though. Either way, worth a shot at getting back to him.
jiffysound Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Kudos for you for asking a guy! Usually it's the other way around. Sure you can follow through in sending him a text asking if he would like to schedule a date with you, if he says yes, good, if hes unsure, move on, but don't let you discourage yourself from asking out another guy. 1
mikeylo Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Is he even single? His reply sounds more like a polite reply than a guy who is interested in a woman. 8
coolheadal Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Me: relatively smart, well-dressed, been told I am attractive. I work at a huge firm with hundreds of employees. There was one guy I kept seeing around. Finally figured his name out. Turns out he's in the line of work I eventually want to get in to. I messaged him on Skype for Business to request an informational interview. He agreed. We met for a quick half hour chat regarding the role. The next day, I thanked him for his time and said if he's ever interested in grabbing coffee, here's my #. He replied that it was nice meeting me and that he was happy to help and responded to my coffee offer with the following: 'and yes, coffee would be nice, things are a bit crazy right now but maybe in a few days'. I did not respond to this message. It's been a week and a half since we spoke. What does this mean? He is 30 and I'm 24 if that makes a difference. Wow did he get the job? You are direct you don't waste time. But did his personal file say he was married? You should have ask him in the interview like this "so where do you think you see yourself with us down about 3 years from now" he give you his answer. Now you would say "I am sure that your girlfriend, fiancee or wife must be very proud of you" See you needed to make sure he didn't have anyone that he was seeing. First you didn't ask that in the interview? You could get away with it by asking it the way I described. Just like meeting someone outside business you need to make sure they're single without attachments. Looks like this guy has someone already. Then he gone nervous because no interviewer ask someone out after for coffee an etc. But you did were bold enough to do that and I give you brownie points for that move. Bravo! Now you need to move on, as you can clearly see this guy isn't interested in you this way. Sad but don't make that change your mind into bringing him in to the company work pool. You'll meet someone else but I wouldn't go about it in the company because if something goes wrong you might end up in front of your supervisor or director. Who is ever higher than you. If company rules allow this encounter?
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I personally have a problem when mixing business interests with dating or romance. You are trying to transition into his line of work. If you now try to be flirtatious he may perceive it as an attempt to reach your career goals by other means. You are truly combining two goals here, which may complicate the situation. You also used the office messaging service for an informational interview. In his mind, this is probably still all about business. 2
GoldSparkz Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I hope he really is busy like as he says and that isn't a polite "I'm not interested in you in that way" message. I would give it a few days, then instead of texting, if you see him in person, ask him out directly and see what he says. I'm sure most men love being asked out by women. It's a massive ego boost and takes the pressure off of them to make the first move.
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Do you wanna be "maybe in a few days" chick? Because that's what he told you you are. I'd delete his number and move on. 2
isolatedgothic Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Could it be that he just isn't interested? He might not want to date someone at work. That can get so messy. He might be involved with someone else. It just seems when someone is truly interested, they won't leave things vague. He said, "Maybe in a few days," and hasn't contacted you since. If it were me, I'd let it drop and go back to business as usual. If he brings it up again, great. Otherwise, tread carefully. You put the bid out there. It's up to him to follow through. 1
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 He replied that it was nice meeting me and that he was happy to help and responded to my coffee offer with the following: 'and yes, coffee would be nice, things are a bit crazy right now but maybe in a few days'. I did not respond to this message. It's been a week and a half since we spoke. What does this mean? He is 30 and I'm 24 if that makes a difference. Why did you not respond to his message? He answered he'd be available in a few days and you didn't acknowledge it was ok with you. You just dropped off with no words. It may be something cool to do at 24 but if you have your eyes on a 30 year man with a good job and good education than you may want to apply some basic courtesy here. You should have answered in a few days was great and wish him a good day. 2
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) I agree I would try to set something up again. But one thing that kind of popped into mind is that he might not have taken it as a date, especially since you met up in kind of a more business type situation. I have had this problem with asking women out to coffee, where they think it is more to just hang out rather than an obvious date kind of vibe. Could just be me though. Either way, worth a shot at getting back to him. You're doing that thing people do..where they make excuses for the person that they like. Their wheels start spinning on the 'why' and they do mental gymnastics to find excuses for the person's lack of interest. "Maybe their phone died" "maybe the text didn't go through" "maybe they really are sick 2 dates in a row" "maybe they were kidnapped" "maybe he didn't think I was asking him on a date" No, no, no. You're a woman who asked him for coffee with no reason to get coffee. He knows what's up. And even if he's so oblivious he doesn't get it, if he has a chance to be in an isolated situation with a woman he's interested in, he's going to take it to get closer. Instead he dismissed it as maybe in a few days. The only way that could be less enthusiastic is if he said "no". He's not even sure he wants to in a few days. You can shoot him a pleasant text acknowledging his suggestion , but I'd stop chasing this guy ASAP. Edited February 17, 2017 by Cookiesandough
smackie9 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 If he was interested HE WOULD have contacted you already. This is the same old blow off that guys get from women all the time...the, I'm busy, let me check my schedule, I'll call you next week........then nothing. Don't waste your time. 1
preraph Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 You put him in a position to have to be very careful not to insult you, so he said he was busy and put you off and hopes you will now go away and not bring it up again. 1
CptInsano Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 You put him in a position to have to be very careful not to insult you, so he said he was busy and put you off and hopes you will now go away and not bring it up again. And he will have to appear very professional while doing so. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Oops seal ..I thought you were Op. But stil stands. I don't think they work closely enough where that would be a huge issue. But it's possible he thinks that
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