RyanO1991 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 I'm a 25 year old guy that's been dating a woman (early twenties) for five weeks (been an item for about 10 days). She told me a couple of days ago that she loves me. Personally, I can't understand how someone can have such a deep feeling for me when she has only known me for a few weeks. She's never been treated well by guys before (physically and emotionally) so I suspect that her feelings for me aren't real and that I'm just a novelty. Am I right to think this? Should I follow my gut and end this before it gets too complicated?
basil67 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She's confusing infatuation with love. It's an easy mistake to make - especially for those who have less experience in love. 3
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She's more into you than you are her. End it for her sake.
Author RyanO1991 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 She's more into you than you are her. End it for her sake. I do really care about her and I'm really into her - It's hard to imagine not being with her now - it's not love but I think it could definitely head that way with time. I just worry that her feelings for me aren't as real as she thinks they are and that it's really her way of having some sort of control in her life.
Ronnys93 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Well I wouldn't say that you're a novelty, but you're someone who has probably treated her better than the other men in her life. So she's very infatuated with you and is confusing that with love. Give her some time, don't say "I love you" back because you obviously aren't there yet. If you really do like her as you say, stick around and see how she reacts. If she really does grow into loving and you to her, then great! No problem. You might want to have a little talk with her about it though. Let her know that your feelings are there, but that you haven't exactly fallen in love yet. Just keep things realistic and I feel like things will be fine. I think it's unfair to just end it now if you're really into her like you say. 1
preraph Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 People sometimes have an ideal in their head they're in love with and then they start thinking that everyone is that ideal person, so they're in love with the person in their head who they probably think they're predestined to meet or whatever. It's young people who mostly do this. They may think if they're attracted to someone, that this is THE person. Then as they get to know you, they are disappointed that you're not who they thought you were and may say you've changed because they can no longer project that imaginary person onto you. You need to tell her she doesn't know you very well at all. Better yet, start showing you who you are, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But if that fails, then tell her you just can't see yourself with someone who falls in love before getting to know a person and that you feel you're too mature to be with her. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 Am I right to think this? Should I follow my gut and end this before it gets too complicated? If she has never been treated well before, you are right to conclude that after such a short period of time she has no idea what love is. Dumping her is not a solution however. If you fancy her, just don't reply. Do smile or kiss her or do something else positive, besides speak when she gushes. Keep treating her well. Otherwise let the relationship progress. If she pushes for a verbal response, deflect. Explain that it's a bit fast for love & while you're flattered you would prefer to get to know her better. If she bolts in a huff of indignation you will know she was in love with the idea of being in love. If she takes the time to consider what you said & backs off the verbal declarations you have somebody on your hands who is willing to grow as a person. 2
OnlyHonesty Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 She is in love, just not with you. She's in love with a fantasy. Mix that with the honeymoon period, day dreams, sufficient time apart to foster this fantasy and you have what many mistake for love. You cannot love that what you do not know, if you do, then you are only in love with an idea, an ideal, a fantasy, or all of the above. The problem is that when she discovers you are just a human being, she may stop seeing you and chase after a new fantasy. 1
Ronnys93 Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 If she has never been treated well before, you are right to conclude that after such a short period of time she has no idea what love is. Dumping her is not a solution however. If you fancy her, just don't reply. Do smile or kiss her or do something else positive, besides speak when she gushes. Keep treating her well. Otherwise let the relationship progress. If she pushes for a verbal response, deflect. Explain that it's a bit fast for love & while you're flattered you would prefer to get to know her better. If she bolts in a huff of indignation you will know she was in love with the idea of being in love. If she takes the time to consider what you said & backs off the verbal declarations you have somebody on your hands who is willing to grow as a person. I agree 100 percent. It's not fair to leave someone dry and hanging when they really don't know what love is. We were all at that point at one time in our life. OP try your best to follow this advice here and I think you'll find your answer. 1
imaginarium Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 When I was 16 I told my ex I loved him after we had been dating a month. Did I know what love was at 16? Of course not, and even if I did, i definitely could not have felt that adult of an emotion in 3 weeks and understand it. But he was 17, and he said it back, and we dated for 2 years. It turned into teenage love. 15 years later we made another go of it. And we've been dating for over a year now. Turns out, our grasping attempt at love turned into the real thing, even though most people would have said we were too naive to say it and mean it then. If you think it might head that way for you, I'd do what the others said and gently explain you aren't there yet. As long as she doesn't push you to say it back, your feelings may end up catching up to hers and you might end up with something special. No one should ever try to force someone to admit to feelings they don't have, but I don't think it's inconceivable for a girl who's been treated badly and wants to be loved to confuse infatuation and happiness for love, and that doesn't make her a bad girlfriend in and of itself. 2
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 i had only known a guy a couple of weeks and i knew i wanted to know him better .....there were strong feelings involved ...i didnt understand why...im not the type to fall hard or love at first sight thing.....in fact i was actually not interested in dating anyone ....at all......before i met him wasnt even looking.....something in his voice.....caught my attention....i believe relationships and or love needs to be worked at.....the longer you know someone the more you see who they are to fall in love with them......this guy wasnt a novelty i still have feelings for him strong ones and its been five years..he said no by the way.......and i have dated others.....so yep ...dont understand it at all...but love aint crystal..i dont think we ever truly know what sends us into lovesville...could be quickly could be slowly or not at all.....doesnt make it a novelty event the quicker you fall either........deb 2
winny Posted February 17, 2017 Posted February 17, 2017 just chill.... she said she loves you... and you are worrying like she said she hates you. stop doubting so much and over analyzing... go with the flow.. 2
Author RyanO1991 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Posted February 17, 2017 Thanks for the advice everyone. I sat down and asked her if she was getting love confused with being 'in love'. She's still adamant that it's real love - she explained that she knew the excitement and attraction would wear off, but she mentioned how I listen, look after her and am always there to support her when things are tough. Apparently this is why she thinks it's love. Thanks again for all your support. I really appreciate it. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) I do really care about her and I'm really into her - It's hard to imagine not being with her now - it's not love but I think it could definitely head that way with time. I just worry that her feelings for me aren't as real as she thinks they are and that it's really her way of having some sort of control in her life. Your gut is telling you to end it before it gets worse which seems to imply you anticipate it might not head there with time. Love is a strong feeling of attachment. When people use that word, that's usually what they're saying they feel. I don't think someone's feelings should be invalidat because of their past or because you don't feel the same. That this is even such an issue your gf loves you is kind of telling. Most guys are thinking 'aw yeahhh' when their girl loves them. Hm. Edited February 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough
GoldSparkz Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 Perhaps some people fall in love quicker than others - maybe she is one of them. I don't see this as a reason to end things. I think its cute, as long as she doesn't start giving up all her plans for you and the relationship doesn't become emotionally draining.
Hopeful30 Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) The thing is, she could very well love you. Whether this love stems from a healthy place is another question altogether. You could be the first man that treats her the way you do, and this evokes an overwhelming sense of emotions that she can only interpret as love. Maybe subconsciously you remind her of her father, and there is an automatic attachment. I don't think this alone is a reason to end things though. Unless she is professing endlessly and planning a wedding and babies already, there is nothing wrong with expressing love. Just be honest about how you feel so she's in the loop, but don't push her away because of that. If you have lost interest in the relationship, then that's another story. If you genuinely want to end things, then nothing should stop you. But if her love for you is the only reason you're having doubts, then you might be throwing away a potentially good relationship simply because you don't 'understand' how she can feel this way. We are all different and love at different rates. With one of my exes, we said "I love you" after about the same time, and until this day we have a deep bond no one can break. Until this day I have a special place for him. My love was always genuine. So you never know, I always encourage people to try things about before jumping the gun. Edited February 18, 2017 by Hopeful30
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