Jmeti000 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Met someone online and communication has been pretty good. The distance between us is a few hours, but we decided a few days ago to meet for drinks/dinner this coming Monday since I would be in town. Yesterday I recieved a text saying she needed to cancel because a certain (named) family member from another state passed last week and she found out the previous evening the funeral would be this weekend, but even if she was back in town didnt think she'd be in the right frame of mind to meet. She also added she hopes we can find a time in the few weeks to meet. I responded very understandingly and said I didnt want to interrupt anything or be a bother to her and her family during this time so if she wanted to chat give me shout, otherwise how did it sound if I contacted her sometime next week and see how shes doing. She said that sounded lovely and thanked me for my kindness. I've been canceled on before in a few different ways so perhaps I'm being a bit to skeptical, but ive never recieved notice of needing to cancel so far in advance or a reason such as this... it also doesnt help that when I logged on last night her online profile has been deleted, but everything we've talked about or discussed checks out so I have no reason to doubt shes being honest. Anyways, I cant decide if this was the most courteous blowoff ever and I should just let it go, or if she might be really serious about trying to meet up again. Thoughts?
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Who cares....put her on the back burner she is just an option. Ask other women out in the meantime so as you are not going to waste anymore time on that. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Hard to say. Say hey in a little while but in the meantime stay on your grind and talk to new girls
coolheadal Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 You focus too much on one person you need to have options my friend. Today online dating is a lot different. You need to step-up your game too. She's knows how to exit out of a first date. She's not interested in you. I seen this prior myself. So move on to the next woman. Just can't sit around waiting like this! Your wasting your time if you do. If she was so interested she wouldn't have pull out the death in the family card. Even if there was one so close to your date. You said she deleted her profile off the online dating that means there is another guy she's going to see. Read the clues to this puzzle there are clearly shown. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 She might not even look like her pics, op
Author Jmeti000 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 See, this is what I dont understand...why do women (and men) feel like they need to make up some excuse and say something like "i hope we can still meet". Why cant they just be honest and say it was nice talking to you but I dont feel like this is going to work out and feel I need to cancel our date? Whats wrong with honesty and not giving false hope or dangling a carrot? Sorry, end rant lol. And I am talking to others, but sometimes the things people say just make me wonder :/.
GemmaUK Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 I have been dating a bit here and there recently. Next weekend (not this one coming - the one after) I have the anniversaries of both my Mum and Dad's deaths two days apart. I will be doing things I love, for me. Just me. I am assuming that would be a bad thing to say if I didn't want to go on a date that particular weekend. Wow! I never ever thought that before! Note to self: Don't date if sometimes life is or becomes tough - people will think it's just an excuse.
Author Jmeti000 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Posted February 16, 2017 @ GemmaUK, I'm not saying if it is or isn't an excuse and honestly I'll text next week anyways if for no other reason than to hold up what I said I would do. But if a lot of people who do use such reasons to get out of a date were jut honest and up front about it questions like this wouldn't arise and dating wouldn't be the guessing game it has turned into.
todreaminblue Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 had a guy who i was dating tell me he had to cancel to go to a funeral....we still dated......we had our date after he got back...and yes i believe he was telling the truth......i ended up knowing he was not right for me ...his car was spotless and rather expensive........he had newspaper down where you put your feet .....made me feel messy sitting in it....the car looked brand new .....he had the car for over eight years....sorry side tracked...... the lady said that would be lovely if you contacted her again ...so do just that.....lovely i sa word used when you really do intend to see someone again......hold your skepticism intact until she tells you something like the cat vomited over her phone so she can't retrieve your messages or the dog ate her sim card or her home phone was taken in a burglary... call her ....set up another date and go from there...good luck....deb
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 @ GemmaUK, I'm not saying if it is or isn't an excuse and honestly I'll text next week anyways if for no other reason than to hold up what I said I would do. But if a lot of people who do use such reasons to get out of a date were jut honest and up front about it questions like this wouldn't arise and dating wouldn't be the guessing game it has turned into. They don't want to hurt your feelings or they don't want to cut you off their string of options.
Jillybean16 Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 This is something I also will never understand. How did the "polite," thing to do become a thing that encourages a person to maintain hope in a situation that is going nowhere. I am always straightforward (but kind) when I let someone down but that does not seem to be how most people handle it these days, especially online. If you are a good person who would not blow someone off like that then you don't deserve to have it done to you. Move on.
Miss Spider Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 This is something I also will never understand. How did the "polite," thing to do become a thing that encourages a person to maintain hope in a situation that is going nowhere. I am always straightforward (but kind) when I let someone down but that does not seem to be how most people handle it these days, especially online. If you are a good person who would not blow someone off like that then you don't deserve to have it done to you. Move on. In general, I think people try to avoid conflict as long as possible. Not right, but just how they do. They'd rather say "sure maybe later" and deal with it later, than say "no" and deal with immediate consequences of it. For women, those consequences can range from the guilt of mildy bruising a man's ego all the way to getting cussed out and harrassed.
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 Keep looking around, OP... If it was a blowoff (we can't really know yet, but it's possible), she was trying to spare your feelings. She WAS trying to be kind. It's always hard to know how to say "no" to someone because where one person will say "Why don't you just be blunt?" another will say, "Why do girls have to be so cold in their rejections?" and a third person will say yet a third thing. I think this girl, if she is letting you down, really does think you're a good person and really doesn't want to hurt you. Either way, just keep looking and that way you can't lose. She may contact you, or meanwhile you will find someone else. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 16, 2017 Posted February 16, 2017 In general, I think people try to avoid conflict as long as possible. Not right, but just how they do. They'd rather say "sure maybe later" and deal with it later, than say "no" and deal with immediate consequences of it. For women, those consequences can range from the guilt of mildy bruising a man's ego all the way to getting cussed out and harrassed. ^ BT,DT to the point of tears in public (mine)...that really can stick with a person. I mean as a more grown-up adult I got over it but for a few years in there I was literally terrified to say no and did just try to give NO signals whatsoever to men I wasn't interested in, and just skulk away cowering. It can literally be scary, physically scary to have someone 8" taller and 75 lbs. heavier than you leaning into you, screaming in your face for saying "no." No, not "an excuse" but yes, women do go through this and it can be one (of several) reasons not to flat-out openly reject a man. Even if she isn't conscious of it, if she's had very bad experiences like this she will just feel a fear she can't point to and will just quietly try to get away, perhaps will just not answer her phone and so on. Obviously this wasn't the case with the OP. I'm just answering this general sentiment that's being discussed here.
GoldSparkz Posted February 18, 2017 Posted February 18, 2017 If you don't know someone that well, then its not worth worrying to much about what's going on in their lives and why they haven't followed through with the date. I would definitely continue dating other women. Time is precious!
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